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Whosinabunker
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11 Jul 2011, 2:16 pm

I have recently embarked on a mission to uncover my "true" self, not my alternate persona. Some of things I have found in my search have scared me, and they have been really hard to come to terms with, but I feel like it will be better for me to be who I am rather than wear this gorram persona all the time. Here's the thing though, I have this friend see, and me and him do not see eye to eye on ANYTHING. Most of our conversations are just debates or him trying to make me feel horrible for his own pleasure, he's misanthropic you see and he tries to "expose the monster" in all of us, and I tend to have some faith in humanity. All he does is piss me off, and I feel like he is holding me back from who I can really be, but my loyal nature won't let me break away from him. Sometimes he also acts as though we are the best of buds, but those times are scarce and far apart. Maybe it's a vain hope that I can help him or change him... How do I do it? I told myself I would never leave my friends unless they left me first because I hate that. But I feel like, in order to get what I want, I have to become the very thing I hate most, how can I do that? Or should I do that? Do I put the gun to my head and pull the trigger? That seems to be the only way to overcome my fear of breaking my loyalty. It could hurt me, but the chance that I will find my true self is just enough to make me consider it. So in short...WHAT DO!?



bradt4evr
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11 Jul 2011, 2:28 pm

Whosinabunker wrote:
I have recently embarked on a mission to uncover my "true" self, not my alternate persona. Some of things I have found in my search have scared me, and they have been really hard to come to terms with, but I feel like it will be better for me to be who I am rather than wear this gorram persona all the time. Here's the thing though, I have this friend see, and me and him do not see eye to eye on ANYTHING. Most of our conversations are just debates or him trying to make me feel horrible for his own pleasure, he's misanthropic you see and he tries to "expose the monster" in all of us, and I tend to have some faith in humanity. All he does is piss me off, and I feel like he is holding me back from who I can really be, but my loyal nature won't let me break away from him. Sometimes he also acts as though we are the best of buds, but those times are scarce and far apart. Maybe it's a vain hope that I can help him or change him... How do I do it? I told myself I would never leave my friends unless they left me first because I hate that. But I feel like, in order to get what I want, I have to become the very thing I hate most, how can I do that? Or should I do that? Do I put the gun to my head and pull the trigger? That seems to be the only way to overcome my fear of breaking my loyalty. It could hurt me, but the chance that I will find my true self is just enough to make me consider it. So in short...WHAT DO!?



Well i can tell you right now suicide will not solve anything, for once death comes you have no chance of ever becoming the person you wan t to be, for all of your dreams in life are crushed and destroyed. If you really feel this man is holding you back from what you want in life, and he is only trying to make you think your a horrible person, then i would say it is time to leave him. I would tell him that you are a human being who is not perfect, and no human on earth is. every human has good and bad inside of them, but you focus more on the good side of yourself than the bad, which makes you a good person :) . It seems to me your friend has gone too deeply into his ways of thinking, and he has no way of letting any good enter his own soul, for when you neglect the beauty in life your soul turns into a horrid lump of coal. you must not let him remove the beauty in your life, for once it is removed you may never find it again. so yes, i would say leave him


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memesplice
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11 Jul 2011, 2:29 pm

Dude remember Fightclub was never intended as a means for understanding individual psychologies. It was written to pose questions about stuff like how the banking system controls us , how broader social-economic
and cultural forces cause a rift between in an otherwise unifed self.

This approach ie Fightclub to me is a bit bullshity because as I reseached other cultures and history it seemed like these forces were always present in differen]t states ,and individuals only experience a sense of unified , whole-self in certain situations, not all the time. Paradoxically this is usually when they are involved in group activities not sitting around trying to self analyse, which is one luxury of a modern society, often wasted.

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bradt4evr
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11 Jul 2011, 2:35 pm

memesplice wrote:
Dude remember Fightclub was never intended as a means for understanding individual psychologies. It was written to pose questions about stuff like how the banking system controls us , how broader social-economic
and cultural forces cause a rift between in an otherwise unifed self.

This approach ie Fightclub to me is a bit bullshity because as I reseached other cultures and history it seemed like these forces were always present in differen]t states ,and individuals only experience a sense of unified , whole-self in certain situations, not all the time. Paradoxically this is usually when they are involved in group activities not sitting around trying to self analyse, which is one luxury of a modern society, often wasted.

Meme


wait are you talking to me or him?


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The_Walrus
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11 Jul 2011, 2:39 pm

I don't think you should be friends with this person.

May I ask how you took these first steps on your mission?



memesplice
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11 Jul 2011, 2:40 pm

Bunker - you ever seen that film ? Its your drama acted out. I ask you if you've seen it first because to describe it would blow the best twist I've probably seen in a film.

Have you seen it?



Whosinabunker
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11 Jul 2011, 3:40 pm

bradt4evr wrote:
Whosinabunker wrote:
I have recently embarked on a mission to uncover my "true" self, not my alternate persona. Some of things I have found in my search have scared me, and they have been really hard to come to terms with, but I feel like it will be better for me to be who I am rather than wear this gorram persona all the time. Here's the thing though, I have this friend see, and me and him do not see eye to eye on ANYTHING. Most of our conversations are just debates or him trying to make me feel horrible for his own pleasure, he's misanthropic you see and he tries to "expose the monster" in all of us, and I tend to have some faith in humanity. All he does is piss me off, and I feel like he is holding me back from who I can really be, but my loyal nature won't let me break away from him. Sometimes he also acts as though we are the best of buds, but those times are scarce and far apart. Maybe it's a vain hope that I can help him or change him... How do I do it? I told myself I would never leave my friends unless they left me first because I hate that. But I feel like, in order to get what I want, I have to become the very thing I hate most, how can I do that? Or should I do that? Do I put the gun to my head and pull the trigger? That seems to be the only way to overcome my fear of breaking my loyalty. It could hurt me, but the chance that I will find my true self is just enough to make me consider it. So in short...WHAT DO!?



Well i can tell you right now suicide will not solve anything, for once death comes you have no chance of ever becoming the person you wan t to be, for all of your dreams in life are crushed and destroyed. If you really feel this man is holding you back from what you want in life, and he is only trying to make you think your a horrible person, then i would say it is time to leave him. I would tell him that you are a human being who is not perfect, and no human on earth is. every human has good and bad inside of them, but you focus more on the good side of yourself than the bad, which makes you a good person :) . It seems to me your friend has gone too deeply into his ways of thinking, and he has no way of letting any good enter his own soul, for when you neglect the beauty in life your soul turns into a horrid lump of coal. you must not let him remove the beauty in your life, for once it is removed you may never find it again. so yes, i would say leave him


FYI, I was not going to commit suicide, the gun was a metaphor. Also yes, I have seen Fightclub.



Last edited by Whosinabunker on 11 Jul 2011, 3:47 pm, edited 1 time in total.

gailryder17
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11 Jul 2011, 3:45 pm

bradt4evr wrote:
It seems to me your friend has gone too deeply into his ways of thinking, and he has no way of letting any good enter his own soul, for when you neglect the beauty in life your soul turns into a horrid lump of coal. you must not let him remove the beauty in your life, for once it is removed you may never find it again. so yes, i would say leave him


That almost happened to me. This guy might need some confrontation, that helped me.


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Whosinabunker
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11 Jul 2011, 3:46 pm

The_Walrus wrote:
I don't think you should be friends with this person.

May I ask how you took these first steps on your mission?


Quite simple really, I kept a journal during my high school career and wrote down ANYTHING that came to my mind. First it started with my fascination with getting a girlfriend, then me whining about how I couldn't get one, then it somehow transitioned into how I could improve myself in order to get one. The real kicker was inspired by music, Radiohead to be exact. There is a special "secret" album formed by playing two albums in an alternating fashion called "1 and 10" http://puddlegum.net/radiohead-01-and-10/ there's a link to it. But I was listening to that for the first time, and I related to alot of the lyrics and it blew my mind how much I was able to relate and some part of me awoke that I thought long dead. But yeah, it was largely me just being really honest with myself in my journal entries, some things society would shudder at and send me to gallows for, but it's all true.



The_Walrus
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11 Jul 2011, 5:12 pm

Whosinabunker wrote:
The_Walrus wrote:
I don't think you should be friends with this person.

May I ask how you took these first steps on your mission?


Quite simple really, I kept a journal during my high school career and wrote down ANYTHING that came to my mind. First it started with my fascination with getting a girlfriend, then me whining about how I couldn't get one, then it somehow transitioned into how I could improve myself in order to get one. The real kicker was inspired by music, Radiohead to be exact. There is a special "secret" album formed by playing two albums in an alternating fashion called "1 and 10" http://puddlegum.net/radiohead-01-and-10/ there's a link to it. But I was listening to that for the first time, and I related to alot of the lyrics and it blew my mind how much I was able to relate and some part of me awoke that I thought long dead. But yeah, it was largely me just being really honest with myself in my journal entries, some things society would shudder at and send me to gallows for, but it's all true.

I mainly meant how you actually stripped away your persona, rather than your motivation. Was the book a tool as well as a spark?



Whosinabunker
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11 Jul 2011, 5:37 pm

The_Walrus wrote:
Whosinabunker wrote:
The_Walrus wrote:
I don't think you should be friends with this person.

May I ask how you took these first steps on your mission?


Quite simple really, I kept a journal during my high school career and wrote down ANYTHING that came to my mind. First it started with my fascination with getting a girlfriend, then me whining about how I couldn't get one, then it somehow transitioned into how I could improve myself in order to get one. The real kicker was inspired by music, Radiohead to be exact. There is a special "secret" album formed by playing two albums in an alternating fashion called "1 and 10" http://puddlegum.net/radiohead-01-and-10/ there's a link to it. But I was listening to that for the first time, and I related to alot of the lyrics and it blew my mind how much I was able to relate and some part of me awoke that I thought long dead. But yeah, it was largely me just being really honest with myself in my journal entries, some things society would shudder at and send me to gallows for, but it's all true.

I mainly meant how you actually stripped away your persona, rather than your motivation. Was the book a tool as well as a spark?


You could say that, and I never really tore away my persona, I was more or less reviving my true self piece by piece underneath it. Think of it as like a secret lab, You have the buildings above ground as a front so people can get an idea of what happens, but usually there is a second level, below ground. In these catacombs I have been bringing out my true self, what I plan on doing this college semester is finally shifting my behavior to what I want, not what they want seeing as how I don't know a whole lot of people who are going there personally. I've also been incorporating parts of my "true self" into my personality day by day and small piece by small piece. Such as, changing my sense of humor slightly, or at least how I display it, my emotional side is now more integrated with my personality, I tend to cry at really sad things now whereas before I never could because apparently that is not what a "real" man does. Just little bits like that, day by day it is expanding. I still probably didn't answer your question did I? =P