Your AS child and the Hell from school bullying. Yes or No?

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We are lucky to be in a school district with a zero tolerance policy and an active education system with clear protocols in handling reports of bullying. My daughter has had two issues in four years which were dealt with swiftly, sensitively and taken entirely seriously. She has also been taught at home how to advocate for herself since she was small. As an Aspie she has a VERY strong sense of right and wrong and a strong rule-following ethic. She does not tolerate bullies either for herself or for others. And combined with the excellent atmosphere at the school, she's doing well so far.

We are only in elementary but now is the time to iron clad her self esteem so it can follow her through school and beyond. Not always the easiest task seeing how she is an Aspie and very sensitive to making mistakes and self criticizing. Bullies have nothing on her skill at ripping herself down. Teaching an Aspie to forgive themselves is probably one of the more useful and beneficial skills you can impart. Self esteem is probably the strongest weapon against bullying.

In the other thread you mentioned a hope that being in a "top" school would help prevent bullying, and I just want to note that I am under the impression the issues are quite separate. Becoming a top school tends to be based on test scores alone, and test scores are often more an indication of the demographic in the school than policies of administration and teaching. Studies have shown that the single best indicator of academic success is a mother's level of education, and educated mothers tend to have some social and economic status. People of social and economic status, then, tend to live together ... and their kids tend to go to school together. Which sometimes is the main driving force behind a school's "success." But such homogenous groups of people, and the schools that serve them, may or may not be inclusive or understanding; it is something they have to want to be, because nothing forces them to be.

We choose to live in a more diverse neighborhood for "green" reasons (the ability to walk to work, etc), and we feel it has benefited our child, since the neighborhood depends on acceptance of differences to be cohesive, but there was no guarantee on that, either. I can note that when 6 schools in our city merge into one middle school, it is the kids from the 2 "top" schools that seem to be the most likely to be bullies in the middle school, and the worst part is that they are really smart about it, not getting caught by the adults around them. The kids from my son's school, fortunately, watched out for each other, and what he didn't tell me I would hear quietly from other parents.

The best insulation really is being active and known in the school community: people watch out for their friends and the kids of their friends, and their kids follow their parent's lead. Whatever school your child is in, find a way to be active and involved. It will make a big difference.

This

My teachers basicaly encouraged the other kids to bully me.

It was done in a studyhall by a kid sitting behind me that I never met or talked to before hr did it because he was bored. He caught the bottom of my t-shirt on fire a bully of mine put it out and dragged the fire starter out of his seat and held him against the wall. All the teacher did was take the lighter from him and yell at me for always starting trouble in his class. According to him he has no problems until I show up. My regular bully seemed to have more concern about my well being then the teacher.

Unbelievable. Just shockingly unbelievable... not that don't believe you. Just - what the hell is WRONG with people?

I had more problems with teachers picking me out as a scapegoat and bullying me for no reason. If kids tried to bully me, I would attack them physically (hitting, biting) but I couldn't do that with someone larger than me. I was told it was because I didn't respect the teachers, well they didn't respect me. I always hear that if you go to into the woods or the beach and see a bear or a shark, you should "respect" it. Sometimes I really wished the people who told me I didn't "respect" my teachers would go try to show whatever kind of "respect" I was supposed to give my teachers to the shark or bear.

My son (10th grade) is not bullied, but I attribute this to him being in a special STEM-focused high school where difference is widely accepted and a number of his classmates at least have spectrummy traits.

My daughter (6th grade) is not bullied at school as per her report. For as politically incorrect as it may be to say this, I think it is at least in part to do with the fact that she is smart and physically attractive. She is widely viewed as being an "artsy" kind of kid, she has friends, and I think in general kids either accept her or don't notice her because she does not do anything to stand out. She does sometimes get left out of social situations, but she is OK with this, so I need to be, too. For example, her class recently went on a field trip and she spent the entire time, including lunch, by herself. I don't think anyone did it to be mean, but rather that she does not always "join in" and kids are not always aware enough to include her. But like I said, she didn't mind at all, so I need not to mind.

She has reported being bullied online a number of times.

I was bullied much more as a kid. I wouldn't characterize it as hell, but being spit at on a daily basis in front of all your peers was humiliating at the very least.

I do believe that some kids have it way worse, however. But sometimes I think there is an assumption that all AS kids are bullied and I don't find that to be true from my experience.

I didn't see the other thread. However, when I was planning on moving, my kids' pediatric neurologist advised me NOT to move to a well-known "top" district in our area. Their scores are astronomical and a large percentage of the kids graduate and go to Ivy League schools. He said that the level of pressure on the kids is INSANE and that my kids, though smart, would not fare well. He has a kid with ADD in that district and he said he was seriously considering moving to get him out of it. I have also heard from parents in similar districts that the district views their neuro atypical kids as threats to their high scores. They do not go out of their way to make them feel comfortable and/or welcomed. So, depending upon what you mean by "top" it may have a different effect than what you are hoping for.

We are in a "good" school district. It has a strong anti-bullying policy and they mean it. My son reported once in middle school that someone slapped his books out of his hands. They pulled the security camera, viewed the footage, found the kid, and dealt with it. Neither I nor my son asked them to, and my son had only mentioned it in passing to a teacher. He wasn't even complaining. Just stated it happened. That is what you need if you want no bullying. A school that actually abides by their commitment to deal with bullying.