My mother has AS but she doesn't accept it with good reason

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Lesmona
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Joined: 17 Jul 2011
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18 Jul 2011, 4:22 pm

Hello,
I am undiagnosed and it's hard to get a diagnosis for AS in my country. I believe i have it from my mother. Many relatives in her familyarm show signs of AS. I told my mother, that i believe that she has it, too. She denied it very emotionally (very rare behaviour). First i didn't understand why, because it helps me alot to know about it. Now i have the feeling, she didn't want a diagnosis for me, too. I think she is very, very afraid what will happen to her life if the truth will come out. She maybe is thinking, that my father wants a divorce, that her friends will turn away from her or will no longer treat her as normal, or that she will be seen responsible for problems her childs have/had.

So, it's totally her decision if she gets a diagnosis or not. (I know that she knows that she has AS.) But here is the problem: if i consequently stand to my opinion that i have AS, i will frighten her. if i "force" my parents (and siblings, friends,...) to believe me, it will raise issues: who in the family has AS too? And there are clearly alot AS people in my familiy (and some will be happy to know about it). But I believe the fears of my mother are appropriate (parents will get divorced by a high chance). And i don't want to ruin her life, which is a nice one!

Should i shut up and talk with nobody in my family about AS? My father has empathy and wants to help me with my problems. But how can he help me, if i won't tell him about AS? I will have to reject his advices because they are for NTs, but he won't understand why i reject. If i didn't tell my family members about AS there will be a growing wall between us, because they can not understand me, and if i tell them about it, i will maybe ruin my mothers life. Don't know what to do, don't want to deny myself.

Thank you for yout time
Lesmona

(Please assume that i am right that my mother has AS and that my parents will get divorced if my father knows about it.)



theWanderer
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Joined: 12 Oct 2010
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18 Jul 2011, 4:44 pm

That is a tough question. I don't think there is one good answer to it. But I do think there are questions you can ask yourself to help make a decision. For example, say that you hide the fact you have AS to protect your mother; you say this will lead to a wall growing between you and your father. Will that wall itself cause him to think that you're "just like your mother" and increase the chance of a divorce? Will you be able to continue hiding the truth? Is there any way you could approach this issue that might persuade your father not to divorce her just because she has AS?

I don't know the answers to any of these questions, but I've found that, whenever you have a difficult choice to make, thinking about it from as many angles as possible and asking as many questions as possible is often the best way to determine the best possible answer. And good luck!


_________________
AQ Test = 44 Aspie Quiz = 169 Aspie 33 NT EQ / SQ-R = Extreme Systematising
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Not all those who wander are lost.
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In the country of the blind, the one eyed man - would be diagnosed with a psychological disorder