Parent's do not believe I have Asperger's

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Since I was a young kid I have always had different social tendencies, I was more secluded, more comfortable around adults, and would shut down in environments where people I did not know were present. I also have am a visual thinker and have a near photographic memory for details, patterns, numbers, but cannot memorize terms or learn well from books without photographs. I know my mind works differently than other people's. I've know this since I was about 10. I remember playing license plate tag as a kid, and instead of trying to spot license plates from other states, I would, in the back of my mind, be looking for the highest prime number of the plate. When I am driving I am not paying attention to the drivers around me but to the road as a whole, as a complex interactive system, I can set the cruise control at 75 and will make better time than those people going 90, because I can interpret the patterns in traffic, the brake lights miles ahead of me, and can control the waves in traffic by passing people and letting them pass me. I was obsessed with dinosaurs and genetics as a child, and am now a dual biology and computer programming major with a specialization in genetic engineering. I have always felt wrong in my body, I have to constantly be doing something with my hands, and in school would constantly take apart and put back together pens and pencils throughout the day, twirl a pen in my hand, or have to tap my fingers , it became such a problem that teachers complained about it. I have a tick, when I get nervous I find myself tapping each of my fingers on my right hand against my thumb repetitively, sometimes without even noticing I do so. I also cannot control my face to form the expression I want to, I will think I am smiling but be told by people that I look angry, I hate taking photographs both because I don't like my physical appearance, and because when I am asked to smile I don't know what to do and get very anxious. I also have suffered from depression and anxiety disorders, OCD, and severe insomnia.

I am 22 now and am going to college, I have been able to maintain a social life or sorts, I have friends but have a very difficult time getting out and about with them, I will almost always stay in my room and work on various inventions I am producing, even if the party is going on in my own house. I am strongly independent and have always hated being supported by others and living with others. The most anxious and depressed I ever was, was when I was living with a room mate freshman year. I arrange everything in my mind into step wise processes, from getting ready in the morning to introducing myself and interacting with other. I understand others emotions in an analog sort of way, I can look at a persons behaviors and deduce the reasoning behind their actions, but I cannot deal with someone on an emotional level. I remember talking to a friend after someone close to them had died. I am not a Christian, but found myself quoting parts of christianity that I do not believe in, simply because I could think of nothing else to say, I seemed like I was expressing emotion, but really I was just spitting out modified quotes from movies I had seen. I also am told often that I am speaking too loud but do not notice unless someone points it out.

Long story short I have asperger's, within 3 minutes of researching the syndrome I knew I had it, it explains a lot of stuff about me, and has allowed me to understand a lot of things about both myself and others, that I would not have realized before. This has been a very big revelation to me, and I have had trouble coping with it.

This is where my problem comes in, my parents have refused to believe in my depression and anxiety disorders, I took anti-depressants (SSRI's) for a short time and they helped me enormously. However, when my parents found out about this, they accused me of being a drug addict and told me they would completely cut me off if I chose to continue taking these drugs. The first person I ever told about my asperger's, which was extremely difficult for me, was my mom. Upon hearing this my mother accused me of making up excuses for my poor grades and told me that I was simply being lazy. I failed classes last semester, not because I did not know the information, but because I felt sick sitting in class, constantly thinking that everyone was looking at me. I received four points in all of my online classes, and on home work assignments I handed in online. I showed my mother the symptoms of asperger's, and told her about times in my life when I had suffered (or benefitted) from them, despite this she accused me of using it as an excuse, she believed the same of my depression when I spoke to her about it. As for my father, he will default to whatever belief my mother has, I believe he falls somewhere on the autism spectrum himself and know he will not argue with her about this, I have never been able to discuss things with him anyway, he is as inept at emotion and interaction as I am.

I don't know where to go from here, seeking counseling to work on my social anxiety orders is something I have wanted to do for a long time. I did this during the school year when I was able to for free, however, I learned of asperger's this summer, and do not have the ability to go to a counselor to talk about because of lack of money. I would want to speak to a private counselor anyway because the one I spoke to through the university, failed to recognize or even mention the possibility of asperger's, despite me describing all the same symptoms I described above. I cannot confide in my parents, I cannot confide in my friends because the though of doing so terrifies me and I know I am completely psychologically unable to do so. I basically just want someone to speak to who actually believes me, or is willing to listen, but cannot seem to find such an individual. I am stuck.

You might want to have someone explain to your parents that SSRIs are not considered "recreational drugs" and that not taking them puts you at a horrible disadvantage. SSRIs are pretty common, so I'm going to guess that your parents have at least a few friends or colleagues that are taking an SSRI. They might want to discuss the drug with someone they trust who is taking it before they decide to force you to go off it or cut you out of the family.

It sounds like your parents are making your depression about them, instead of about you.

Unfortunately the reaction of your counsellor is not unusual, most professionals know reasonable little about autism disorders, particularly in adults and place little or no value on diagnosis or treatment of adult ASDs. When I wanted to be diagnosed my doctor referred me to a psychologist who was unqualified to diagnose me and refused to believe 1. I had AS, 2. that I would "want" to have a chronic developmental disability and 3. that there would be any benefits in diagnosis as it is lifelong and untreatable. In the end I had to refer myself to my local autism organization. I hope that you can find someone who is willing to listen and understand.

You can not go see a Doctor? If you can get someone to assess and diagnose you, so many doors could open for you. In the ways of funding I mean.

You can not go see a Doctor? If you can get someone to assess and diagnose you, so many doors could open for you. In the ways of funding I mean.