Being Manipulated with Aspergers
25 Jul 2011, 1:11 am
With the powers of copypasta, I'm bringing a portion of something I'd written elsewhere over here. I wanted to share it here but am too lazy to rephrase all of this into a forum-friendly format. I'd really like your thoughts on this.
"Someone has X condition, which makes one prone to ABC behavior, so one has learned to be aware and react more XYZ. This has worked well and kept one from a lot of hurt previously experienced because of ABC behavior. Yet, at some point in time, this Someone did something that another person didn’t like. The other person was quick to point out, “You’re only doing XYZ because of X condition.” This, of course, isn’t true; but, the other person did not like what one was doing so the other person sought to manipulate one’s actions by claiming it was all due to X condition.
"This does happen to many people with many different conditions, even ones as common and predictable as Premenstrual Syndrome. People with Autism Spectrum Disorders are vulnerable to manipulation of all kinds. The lack of natural social navigation skills, the lack of sensing nuance in a situation or in others, and the general lack of confidence really allows another person to take advantage of an aspie. It’s easy to make an aspie feel guilty for acting in their own best interests just to promote one’s own selfish interests at the aspie’s expense. Using an aspie’s diagnosis is probably the easiest way to go about doing this very easy task because, for most aspies, our diagnosis is our sore spot and we already wrestle with feelings of inadequacy based upon it. Very easy… And because it’s easy, it’s done often.
"I no longer allow it and because I’ve wisen up, I can provide support for my son so that others will not take advantage of him. Mind you, it is one thing to have compassion and good will. It’s one thing to sacrifice for someone so their lives can be better. It’s one thing to give and do what you can because you want to do it, even if the other person is being underhanded because they don’t understand that they can get help honestly. It’s quite another thing to allow someone to make you feel awful because you’re doing what’s best for you when it hurts no one to do so. It’s quite another thing to allow someone to influence you away from what you want simply because they have other interests and wish to control. That’s not cool. No one should have that happen to them for any reason."
- Manipulation on Christian Soccer Mom
(that's my new blog) (it's actually a merging of two blogs, the wefunction blog being one) (don't be put off by the name, there's a reason for it)
This was inspired by real life. It's been a pet-peeve of mine and will continue to be one for a long time, I'm sure; but, recently, someone got very bent out of shape that I decided to quit Facebook in favor of only doing my social networking on Google Plus. I'm not open for debate about it because we all have our preferences, but I like Google Plus better to an extent that I no longer need to bother with Facebook. Enough people know how to find me that it doesn't really matter if I'm not on Facebook. Needless to say, her hissy fit just made Facebook increasingly unattractive for me and I did not appreciate her trying to manipulate me into staying on Facebook because it's my aspergers making me push people away... especially when I'd explained before that my aspergers makes me naively believe people and let them insult me; it was a focused effort on my part to establish boundaries and know when to walk away from people. I wonder if that's irony or just unfortunate.
Another note about Google Plus:
SOLD!
If you have G+ and want to connect, send me a PM.
25 Jul 2011, 4:22 am
I agree with what you have said. I went through many years of being manipulated by two troublemakers who also manipulated other people with mental and physical disabilities to do illegal things. I ended up spending most of my saturday nights in a police station or a waiting room in hospital because one of my other friends who have a disability got belted up all because of these two trouble makers its wrong and immoral. Is it because we are an easy target due to our diability? Or is it because we are considered weak? I have had issues with people who manipulate me in the set of units that I live in and they feel that when I have an autistic meltdown due to them delibrately making fun of me they feel its delibrate and I do it on purpose when I don't, it doesnt matter how many times that you explain and show legal documents to prove that you have been diagnosed with aspergers syndrome with me Im more autistic ( I tend to get aggressive start crying and screaming then start smashing and throwing things, Ive thrown a 51cm at my Mum and put holes in walls hit my father and hurt my sister, broken doors, and totally smashed everything in my bedroom) they still just dont believe me because I act just like a normal person and I dont show the disability you cant see it they want me to prove it all the time.
Why cant people just except us for who we are. I have friends who make fun of the weird way I act and the fact I say its just an aspie thing I get blown up and yelled at and told to get over the aspie thing that I take things literally and told to chill out and get over it. They laugh at me and think its funny. I cant help the way I am and now I am I feel being manipulated into being someone I am not and dont particularly want to be. I am thankful though that I am slowly getting the courage to stand up for myself without feeling horrible about hurting someones feelings and that its not wrong to openly communicate to someone face to face if you have anything wrong with them so it doesnt cause any misunderstandings. I also get blown up talking about boundries one of my friends say oh not this boundries beep again.
25 Jul 2011, 4:23 am
I agree with what you have said. I went through many years of being manipulated by two troublemakers who also manipulated other people with mental and physical disabilities to do illegal things. I ended up spending most of my saturday nights in a police station or a waiting room in hospital because one of my other friends who have a disability got belted up all because of these two trouble makers its wrong and immoral. Is it because we are an easy target due to our diability? Or is it because we are considered weak? I have had issues with people who manipulate me in the set of units that I live in and they feel that when I have an autistic meltdown due to them delibrately making fun of me they feel its delibrate and I do it on purpose when I don't, it doesnt matter how many times that you explain and show legal documents to prove that you have been diagnosed with aspergers syndrome with me Im more autistic ( I tend to get aggressive start crying and screaming then start smashing and throwing things, Ive thrown a 51cm at my Mum and put holes in walls hit my father and hurt my sister, broken doors, and totally smashed everything in my bedroom) they still just dont believe me because I act just like a normal person and I dont show the disability you cant see it they want me to prove it all the time.
Why cant people just except us for who we are. I have friends who make fun of the weird way I act and the fact I say its just an aspie thing I get blown up and yelled at and told to get over the aspie thing that I take things literally and told to chill out and get over it. They laugh at me and think its funny. I cant help the way I am and now I am I feel being manipulated into being someone I am not and dont particularly want to be. I am thankful though that I am slowly getting the courage to stand up for myself without feeling horrible about hurting someones feelings and that its not wrong to openly communicate to someone face to face if you have anything wrong with them so it doesnt cause any misunderstandings. I also get blown up talking about boundries one of my friends say oh not this boundries beep again.
25 Jul 2011, 10:09 am
I think being told that we're using aspergers as an excuse for poor behavior is another manipulation. It's invalidating that our condition has actual physical manifestations in our behavior. We're not using our condition as an excuse to claim they don't have to self-manage and that everything we do must be forgiven. It's to remind people that sometimes we fail at self-management, sometimes things happen anyway, or there are some things that are beyond our ability to self-manage.
This month has been a little tough for me because I accidentally stopped taking my medication. I just honestly kept forgetting to take it until several days of this had pretty meant returned me to square one with my anxiety. So, I'm stepping away from a responsibility that I'm otherwise fully capable of doing (and enjoy!) because I've put myself into a position where it's difficult to do this thing. It's nobody's fault but my own and it's because of aspergers. I forgot my doses because of aspergers and I have to take the medication because of aspergers and my behavior and limitations off the medication are all aspergers. It's not an excuse, it's just the way that it is.
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