Post something that made you UNHAPPY today.

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My step fathers car still has not been delivered.

Did not sleep well last night.

indecision

Trying to reach anyone at the hospital who could help me get an appointment which should have happened automatically anyway. Endlessly being passed around departments, directed to voicemailboxes I didn't have the code to, sent back to the switchboard or just unceremoniously cut off.

Also my ability to work seems to have been deteriorating for the past year and getting worse. Which is why I am up at midnight still working when I started at 9am this morning and it's no more than 4 hours work.

at work, yesterday, the mens bathroom has two out of three litterboxes out of order.

building codes and Occupational Health Safety Administration require a certain number of litterboxes per slave, in slave plantation.

december 2020, the mens litterbox got put out of order. the womens litterbox was open. there is a slave litterbox, but only one litterbox in it. instead, they replaced it with two portalitterboxes in the parking lot (and one in Receiving). the litterboxes had a sign that said that they only got serviced once a week. the slave plantation is in the middle of a homeless encampment. plenty of homeless, convicted felons, mentally ill, day laborers, and et cetera, frequent the litterbox. the portalitterboxes only got two rolls of toilet paper per week. someone smeared a lot of feces on the toilet seat, rendering the whole litterbox unusable (without cleaning). i would've cleaned it, but i do not have the equipment to do so. i would've had to go inside, and ask the janitor. they might not agree. and even if i were to have cleaned it, someone could still mess it up. when you lock the door, it says "occupied" instead of "vacant", but lil dipshits keep trying to open the stupidass door. they do not know how to read, or they choose not to. f*****g low live scum should be in jail and psychiatric facilities. just going to work makes me afraid the lil dipshits might rape my worthless corpse, s**t. there are plenty of day laborers. they arrive early in the morning and leave late at night. i am a lot attendant. every time i almost get run over by a car, they laugh uproariously like its the funniest thing in the world. they pee in bottles and i have to clean it up. they make too much noise. they waste too much time in the bathroom. even when all the litterboxes are working, that's just three litterboxes. according to the Building Codes, thats not enough litterboxes. they play loud music and steal merchandise. they make too much noise in the litterbox and the litterbox is one large echo chamber. a couple of weeks ago, a security guard told me, that a customer accused a day laborer of touching her, and then the security guard kicked all the day laborers out. however, the day laborers remain right outside the entrance. there is no sidewalk. they loiter around all day, talking and laughing, standing in the bike lane. there are so many of them, they could rape me if they wanted, and i could not do anything about it. i do not understand why the slave plantation allowed them to be there for so many years. not just that location, either. many locations have plenty of day laborers. (when i went for a job interview as Receptionist at a hotel, the job interviewer said: "imagine the phone ringing, a customer in the office, and a homeless in the parking lot. which order do you address them in and why?". the job interviewer, told me, the correct answer was to drop everything and get the homeless out of the parking lot, because the homeless might vandalize a car or something like that. and in that hypothetical example, that's just one homeless, one time, that hasn't even done nothing.)

in july, my veterinarian wrote work a letter that said that i needed constant access to a litterbox, and could not lift over fifty pounds. the human resources sent the documents to headquarters, and headquarters said it was fine.

the slave plantation is a hardware store. toilets are on aisle twenty six. however, toilets are six feet high and slanting downwards. otherwise, i would be happy to use the display litterboxes.

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ghetto lil lowlives, dipshit scum coworkers and customers, from the wrong side of the tracks

at work, i frequently almost get run over by a car.

working in parking lot, many things to trip over.

cold, hot, raining,

zero occupational prospects

safeway had no lentil salad

slept 10pm to 3:30am. woke up and tried and failed to sleep until 6. no work today. got up. gave up.

some teen boys catcalling me while i was trying to go for a walk.

I found a gray hair on my head. I feel like I’m going to throw up. I’m only 28 for crying out loud. I still feel 14-17 on the inside. I’m not ready to look my biological age.

Anxiety

Work I have to get done

I'm home sick because of the booster side effects.

If I'm going to be ever in an equal footing with my mom...

... Unless I figured out that one huge gap, somewhere between her ignorance, brought by her upbringing and cultures, and my upbringing caused by that same ignorance and same cultures...
She and I would have to be very, very far away from each other. Emotionally.

OR, stay close with her. No actions and change, just stay the way it is now.
But will never be equal with her.
Never get to be a growing adult in this particular aspect closer to home. Never have to grow further than I should until one of us dies or if we have to abandon one another.

This isn't some assumption or some catastrophized thought.
This is coming from an observation. Between my own behaviors and attitudes.
Even my own sister...

This is so complicated.
Sure, I can comprehend it -- the knots, the tangles, the stitches and chains, and all sorts of subtleties and shades in between.
But I cannot articulate this in words. Only I have the details in my head. To think of each, then explain each in words would simply muddle the whole thing blurry mess.

Gained Number Post Count (1).
Lose Time (n).

Lose more time here - Updates at least once a week.

My depression being disabling makes me more depressed

(Pretty sure based on past patterns, or rather lack thereof, that it isn’t affected by season/weather/light, just coincidence this time.)

having to return to work tomorrow.

I had to work. I didn't want to work. I ought to be glad I have work. I've got to have a cystoscopy tomorrow. I don't like those. I feel tired and ill.

Mother

I've spent about sixty hours making two gifts for my mother for Christmas.

I've just gone to wrap them, and I can't find them anywhere because of ADHD.

They've literally vanished overnight.

I hope your mother realizes the dedication you put into making her gifts. 60 hours? I can't even do a couple of hours of work like that. I'm too hyper!

I guess, were I in your situation, that I would go to the store and get wrapping paper, even though it might be a waste of money because you already have wrapping paper.