Post something that made you UNHAPPY today.

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Sore throat

My noise tolerance is weird even for people with misophonia. It's the small niggling sounds that get to me, like crinkling packages, anything squeaking, footsteps, heartbeats, breathing noises, even a distant or too-quiet radio which forces my brain to strain for comprehension instead of just ignoring it. Loud noises are generally OK and even loud music, as long as I'm in the mood for music.

Conversation is hard for me because human voices and verbal question / answer get on my nerves. I can't process my thoughts fast enough to respond in real time or with the expected facial gesture / tone of voice. I always end up oversharing or not saying enough, and either way I mess it up. I had a speech-language pathologist until June this year but that ended in disaster so now I just avoid talking as much as possible unless I'm with a couple of very select people.

Yesterday I couldn't do noise at all, not even music - but I made the conscious decision to have a chat with my mother. It felt pretty good afterward, so I guess there's always hope.

I had another adrenaline surge last night, and I'm still having palpitations this morning.

I'm worried that tomorrow's windy weather will ruin my outing with my mom and her friend.

I managed to get sick right before my job interview! Great job me.

It was last night actually but I'll share it anyway.

Was travelling on the M4 motorway with my dad and we saw someone jump from a bridge into the motorway. Found out later on that she sadly died.

Tragic.

Hard to be patriotic, when I hate this country...arrrrggghhh

But I am trying really hard to be a good american, but its just stupid. The democratic party is being rather incompetent like there is literal fascism in the works and they're all just p**** footin around pissing in their pants. And I don't see what good that does.

I probably need to call an orthopedist or foot specialist about my broken toe. It has previously been broken multiple times, and I think this may be the last break it can take. It feels WEIRD and WRONG. Even before this last break, I was able to rotate the toe around in ways it shouldn't have been able.

Anxiety

Anxiety and guilt

I have a headache.

32 years ago today these 14 students and administrators were murdered in their Engineering school in Montreal, Quebec.

They were shot and / or stabbed to death in a rampage against higher education for women.

Rest in peace to all victims of the Montreal Massacre and all victims of gender-based violence worldwide.

Had an appointment today, the first, and only one in months! It was supposed to be in Amsterdam at 10 am, which meant I had to wake up really early. Around 4 am I was still awake due to a headache and decided to email the people from the appointment move it to another date as I was just feeling awfully sick. I spent the entire day anxious as they never responded to my email and I was worried about their reaction, I didn't want to call them either. The entire day just went by and I felt guilty about it as it felt like I bailed out of an appointment.

I'm sitting here wondering if it would ever possible to pick up my old routine again, waking up early and be able to work again. It's been so long and the days just go by as I'm not progressing. I feel like the headaches partially caused by the dissatisfaction of not making any progress and feeling like my life is going nowhere as I don't want to start living another back up plan again.

What is it with Taxi drivers I rang one this morning, he said he would be about 15 minutes, and hour later he still didn't come.

Trying to set things up so I can view my medical records from childhood to see if any of my behaviours (rocking etc.) were brought up when I was very young to help with evidence for potentially getting assessed (or I'm semi-hoping that I was diagnosed and just have no idea about it, so then I don't have to go through the stress of having an assessment lol).

It's been such a nightmare. First I couldn't see any records via the app, then the surgery set me up so that I could. The records are just summaries so there's no actual information... call to ask if there's a way that I can see more detail and now I'm back to not being able to see anything again.

I just want things to work so I don't have to keep phoning people.

Headache