Getting your AS son to accept help and his diagnosis.

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My son whom I have written about, does not want to read a book or look at this site. He has had a very difficult time accepting his dx. He was dx in 4th grade. He is now 17 soon to be 18. I wanted him to tryout this site for support and he says no. He really needs it but wont. Any ideas?

Let me see if I understand this correctly. Your son's weird and different and has difficulty socializing, but he doesn't believe he's weird and different and has difficulty socializing?

when i was an 18 yo aspie, i knew everything
he is stil a kid but at that awkawrd stage where you cant tell him a thing.
i find with aspies the way to getthrough to them is the hard way..it is harder than the nt way but it is aspie love.
be tough, and when you think this will work.......try it a tougher way, presunably his aspie dad is not on the scene?

my aspie son generally tends to listen better to his aspie-dad's suggestions more than he does mine. hubby says it's because they understand each other better, and hubby understands aspie-ness more than i do ( as well he should)......

Teenagers may want to seek help on their own. If it's help he really needs, he may be searching it already. However, he may not want to come here and participate if he knows his mom may read his posts. I certainly wanted nothing to do with my parents' advice, still don't. I wouldn't push him because it will push him away.

truthfully my son does not think he has any issues.. as much as I try to explain to him that his behaviors are not acceptable among his peers he tells me all the time he is not "WEIRD"

it is not said that Aspie kids are years behind in social skills.. and they at time can be very gifted intelligent people but have mantility years behind their actual age. maybe this 18 year old is a lot younger that what we think an 18 year old would be. I know that you can not help someone unless they are willing to be helped. sometimes you need to give them the space.. and let them explore what he wants.. my husband is my sons best friend. my husband is not his bio dad but the best dad he can be. is their someone in your sons life he will trust and open up to and respect enough to trust his judgement. a big brother of sorts.. an uncle who might aid your son to see the light? they never want advice from mom because we just don't know anything.. so search out someone who he can trust...

"Help" can be a four-letter word for many of us who are on the Spectrum. I often think in my Mind, "If people are so eager as to help, than they should seek out a Mentally Challenged person and help them, instead of forcing that unwanted "Help" onto me!"

I have to agree with Cockney rebel.

Can you focus on the positive side - like asking you son what his dreams, wants, plans are?

From my very limited experience, it seems that the word is used like a curse on someone sometimes. In truth it is a mixed blessing. There is an old song that one of my teachers harped on in college -

You've got to accentuate the positive
Eliminate the negative
Latch on to the affirmative
Don't mess with Mister In-Between

My child is very young still. He's only 8. When I talk to him, I harp on the strong points and help him to use those. I offer ideas to help him eliminate the negative - but I don't talk about them that much, just let him know that it is out there. I don't know if I'm doing the right thing yet. We will see!

"Being antisocial is not a problem. It is a right." Those are the words my husband used when the doctor told us our child had Asperger's because he was socially withdrawn - among other things.

Well, my family are all avid star trek fans. They kept encouraging me to watch it. I was curious but I didn't want to take their advice. So they eventually got the message and quit bugging me about it. Flash forward a few years and it became an obession.

So if you've talked to him, great. If not, tell him that he doesn't have to but if he wants to ask any questions, you're there.

I have to agree with Cockney Rebel that HELP (along with unwarrented praise) can actually have the opposite effect. It can remind you that other people think you have limitations and seem condescending. People are not their labels either - or have the same static feelings about their labels. I think it can be very natural to want to buck the label or not feel defined by it - even if you clearly are (lol). When I was 17 I graduated from high school and decided to focus all my effort to be as "normal" as I could be. I was using the excuse of the constraints of high school and not being independent as the reasons I was having issues. Of course things did not go as planned but people have to be able to experience that for themselves.