Questions from a NT mom about her aspie son

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A lot of schools have time-out systems. These aren't punishments--they are there for the kid to take when they are overwhelmed. The kid notifies the teacher that they want a break, and then goes to a designated quiet area to relax until he feels better; if he misses schoolwork, he catches up on it later, after school perhaps. If your boy can recognize when he is stressed out, then this might be a useful system for him.

What should he tell his classmates? It's up to him, isn't it? If he wants to explain to the class what autism is and why things are so overwhelming for him sometimes, then he can do that. If he would rather let them think he is having tantrums, then let him do that. Most kids are pretty flexible about stuff like that; it's once middle school hits that they really become vicious.

Try preventing the outburst before it happens. Let him know he is on the verge of one, and, hat he probably needs to remove himself from the area so he can calm down, then come back. Also, if you're about to do something that will potentially really upset him, calmly explain why you are about to do something, and disscuss it. Maybe he'll tell you why he doesn't want you to do it, and it will turn out he would have had a reason to be upset, and you'll change your mind.

For example, say a kid brings his phone to a camp. You know that yesterday, all he did all day was play with his phone, and you want to make sure it doesn't happen again. Instead of taking the phone away right away, tell your son your concern. Tell him that you're going to take the phone away for the day, but he can have it back after camp. Wait for him to give it to you rather then snatching it from him.
He might feel that he needs the phone because he is expecting an important call from a friend or business, and he wants to make sure that he can answer it. You could either agree then to let him keep the phone only to answer that one call, or let him know that you will keep the phone will you all day and take the call when it comes.
This way, you avert what could have potentially been a crisis and meltdown when you took the phone without explaining anything first, because you're son would have been too upset to explain what the problem was.

Oh yeah. You totally have to explain why on everything; otherwise it'll just be unexpected, unpleasant, and upsetting. As a kid, I never obeyed rules unless they made sense to me.

Me 2...I never obeyed what I didn't understand. "because I told you so." never worked for me and actually made me rather defiant.
The best way to deal with a meltodown is to prevent one by sunglasses, lowering the lights, earplugs, quiet space. Sensory stuff can really push one over the edge. Even if the meltdown is about something else...once a meltdown id about to happen the sensory problems intensify like everything is in your face and the room seems to spin from the sudden sensory intensification.

As far as school goes, he can try to put in ear plugs and sunglasses and remove himself when he feels it coming on. However, some situations that cant be avoided...like with bullying...you cant say to your bully...hold on a minute, let me put in my earplugs and sunglasses.
Bullying itself should be prevented as well by talking with teachers...if it is bad enough and they wont do any thing...go to the local media.

These are both excellent answers.

I'd like to add that I am more prone to shut downs or meltdowns if I have not eaten recently. I get so engrossed in something and forget to eat I found with my son who used to have 3-4 meltdowns a day, the same thing. I had to change his diet slightly, I made sure he had breakfast cereal as natural as possible with minimal added sugar and high fibre (so the food keeps the body sustained for longer). He used Milo to sweeten it. His meltdowns were caused through his sugar levels going up and down. They go down rapidly after eating something sweet because your body produces insulin to counteract all the sugar. He does not have many meltdowns since we changed what he eats.

Also I agree with what many other people have said about leaving him alone during meltdown.
Just make sure you explain that you'll be close by if he needs you, and if he wants to talk about it later, it would be nice. That works with my son and it is what I like too.

I dunno; being told to count to ten when already overloaded might set me off, really. It's just the sort of useless task that would make me feel annoyed and patronized. If you're going to teach anything like that, you're going to have to teach it ahead of time. Prompting when they're overloaded would probably just trigger the meltdown right there.

That couldn't be more true. Thank god for the autism awareness assembly in 7th grade. That really saved my life in middle school.

try and do things with him that will drop his stress level. take him for a walk, go to the park, stuff like that.

you might find it useful to implement the things on this page:

http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt66453.html

If I were in the same situation as your kid, I probably would've responded very similarly when I was that old. I do not like people taking my stuff without asking. If I got sent to the principal's office instead of the kid who stole my things, I would probably only get angrier about the injustice done to me.

I think it would be good if the teacher would simply install a rule that you are not to take each other's things without asking first. That would mean your kid doesn't get mentioned specifically and bullies do not start looking for another avenue of attack now that he's proven to be weak and that, if the rule is violated, he may not feel like he has to take action himself.

Why don't you want him to stand out? Is it for your sake or his?

Yeah, "not standing out" shouldn't be your first priority. I learned that ages ago. If something looks weird but works, then for heaven's sake use it!--you're trying to learn to do useful things, use your own skills, not imitate the typical.