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How do guys approach women in America?

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cw10
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22 Aug 2011, 5:16 pm

K-R-X wrote:
Tequila wrote:
[
Why do you want to go to America? Something wrong with the red flag with the white crescent and star on it?


Carls Jr. would be a good reason. I can't really think of any others though...


Carls Jr. / Hardees. ^

Agree.



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22 Aug 2011, 8:21 pm

Greatsharkbite wrote:
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I've never been "hit on" in any context- I'd imagine most women haven't, unless they're exceptionally-attractive (read: thin and made-up) and even then in many environments like school or work it seems to be quite rare. It would seem most men simply don't wander up to perfect strangers, knowing no more about them than what they look like, either because they find it crude, or because they're simply too shy to.


Also have to know sometimes being hit on flies over peoples head.

Might also be area and environment, I know this girl I used to work with in a restaurant..she was annoying, somewhat vulgar and not "striking" albeit not ugly.

This guy came into the restaurant once--just to ask her out. Of course she turned him down (and if she didn't have viable options, aside from the guy looking like a dork, she'd have taken him up on it)

The majority of women get hit on, not going to say as often as tea does but.. my mom got hit on (my dad saw her on a bus and hit on her), my girlfriend got hit on, lots of women do.


That's not my experience- maybe I'm just oblivious, but I've truly never experienced nor witnessed some guy wandering up to a strange woman out of the blue and making some comment implying he's interested in her. But whatevs.


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22 Aug 2011, 8:34 pm

ValentineWiggin wrote:
Greatsharkbite wrote:
Quote:

I've never been "hit on" in any context- I'd imagine most women haven't, unless they're exceptionally-attractive (read: thin and made-up) and even then in many environments like school or work it seems to be quite rare. It would seem most men simply don't wander up to perfect strangers, knowing no more about them than what they look like, either because they find it crude, or because they're simply too shy to.


Also have to know sometimes being hit on flies over peoples head.

Might also be area and environment, I know this girl I used to work with in a restaurant..she was annoying, somewhat vulgar and not "striking" albeit not ugly.

This guy came into the restaurant once--just to ask her out. Of course she turned him down (and if she didn't have viable options, aside from the guy looking like a dork, she'd
have taken him up on it)

The majority of women get hit on, not going to say as often as tea does but.. my mom got hit on (my dad saw her on a bus and hit on her), my girlfriend got hit on, lots of women do.


That's not my experience- maybe I'm just oblivious, but I've truly never experienced nor witnessed some guy wandering up to a strange woman out of the blue and making some comment implying he's interested in her. But whatevs.


My ex-wife used to get hit on constantly, once a guy literally chased her down in a library parking lot to ask for her phone number. She was well-endowed though, and dressed well - that probably had something to do with it.



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22 Aug 2011, 11:10 pm

ValentineWiggin wrote:
Greatsharkbite wrote:
Quote:

I've never been "hit on" in any context- I'd imagine most women haven't, unless they're exceptionally-attractive (read: thin and made-up) and even then in many environments like school or work it seems to be quite rare. It would seem most men simply don't wander up to perfect strangers, knowing no more about them than what they look like, either because they find it crude, or because they're simply too shy to.


Also have to know sometimes being hit on flies over peoples head.

Might also be area and environment, I know this girl I used to work with in a restaurant..she was annoying, somewhat vulgar and not "striking" albeit not ugly.

This guy came into the restaurant once--just to ask her out. Of course she turned him down (and if she didn't have viable options, aside from the guy looking like a dork, she'd have taken him up on it)

The majority of women get hit on, not going to say as often as tea does but.. my mom got hit on (my dad saw her on a bus and hit on her), my girlfriend got hit on, lots of women do.


That's not my experience- maybe I'm just oblivious, but I've truly never experienced nor witnessed some guy wandering up to a strange woman out of the blue and making some comment implying he's interested in her. But whatevs.


I once had a french dude follow me home from the supermarket. I had to give him a fake number and promise to go to dinner so he would stop following me... And he was kinda hot, but his creepy ways kind of scared me.
He obviously just wanted sex, that is what all guys want when they pick you up randomly. They don't know you enough to actually like you.


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22 Aug 2011, 11:51 pm

sagan wrote:

He obviously just wanted sex, that is what all guys want when they pick you up randomly. They don't know you enough to actually like you.


Not speaking to the French guy, but what if a guy simply is trying to get to know you to see IF he likes you? I can only speak for myself -- for example, last week on a flight home from Indianapolis, I met a woman who seemed to have a lot in common with me...we had a great hour-long conversation, and at the baggage claim, I got her phone number. That was kind of a random encounter, wasn't it? I didn't get her number for the sex...I did get her number because I hope to get to know her better.

I guess I'm just curious what defines a random situation for you? (and any other women here that would care to respond).



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22 Aug 2011, 11:58 pm

AsteroidNap wrote:
sagan wrote:

He obviously just wanted sex, that is what all guys want when they pick you up randomly. They don't know you enough to actually like you.


Not speaking to the French guy, but what if a guy simply is trying to get to know you to see IF he likes you? I can only speak for myself -- for example, last week on a flight home from Indianapolis, I met a woman who seemed to have a lot in common with me...we had a great hour-long conversation, and at the baggage claim, I got her phone number. That was kind of a random encounter, wasn't it? I didn't get her number for the sex...I did get her number because I hope to get to know her better.

I guess I'm just curious what defines a random situation for you? (and any other women here that would care to respond).


I wouldn't call that a random situation. Some stranger hitting on you right off the bat... that's random.


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23 Aug 2011, 12:07 am

AsteroidNap wrote:
sagan wrote:

He obviously just wanted sex, that is what all guys want when they pick you up randomly. They don't know you enough to actually like you.


Not speaking to the French guy, but what if a guy simply is trying to get to know you to see IF he likes you? I can only speak for myself -- for example, last week on a flight home from Indianapolis, I met a woman who seemed to have a lot in common with me...we had a great hour-long conversation, and at the baggage claim, I got her phone number. That was kind of a random encounter, wasn't it? I didn't get her number for the sex...I did get her number because I hope to get to know her better.

I guess I'm just curious what defines a random situation for you? (and any other women here that would care to respond).


Well I normally judge depending on how long I talked with them, and where me meet.

When a guy asks me out literally on the street, and we never met before, definitely sex.
At a bar or club, generally sex, sometimes they are just bored.

Somewhere more neutral like a supermarket or bookstore, it depends on how long you talk and about what.
If I had talked to him for an hour on a plane and liked him, I probably would give him my number.

I guess I have just had really bad experiences with trusting people I should not have, and can be over skeptical / paranoid because of this.
Also I can be quite naive, and never notice when people are trying to use me for whatever reason. I am normally too trusting, so I guess I overcompensate as a defense mechanism.


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23 Aug 2011, 12:09 am

TeaEarlGreyHot wrote:
AsteroidNap wrote:
sagan wrote:

He obviously just wanted sex, that is what all guys want when they pick you up randomly. They don't know you enough to actually like you.


Not speaking to the French guy, but what if a guy simply is trying to get to know you to see IF he likes you? I can only speak for myself -- for example, last week on a flight home from Indianapolis, I met a woman who seemed to have a lot in common with me...we had a great hour-long conversation, and at the baggage claim, I got her phone number. That was kind of a random encounter, wasn't it? I didn't get her number for the sex...I did get her number because I hope to get to know her better.

I guess I'm just curious what defines a random situation for you? (and any other women here that would care to respond).


I wouldn't call that a random situation. Some stranger hitting on you right off the bat... that's random.


I'd like to pick your brain a bit further if you don't mind ;) Let me outline another scenario that happened a few months ago. I was grocery shopping, and fumbling my way through the produce section. As I was picking things on my list, I kept noticing this woman kinda making eye contact with me and smiling. Needless to say, all sorts of Aspie and anxiety things kicked in, and I didn't approach her...but what if I had? Is that considered random? If after only a few minutes of conversation, would it be seen as creepy to ask for her number?



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23 Aug 2011, 12:51 am

AsteroidNap wrote:
TeaEarlGreyHot wrote:

I wouldn't call that a random situation. Some stranger hitting on you right off the bat... that's random.


I'd like to pick your brain a bit further if you don't mind ;) Let me outline another scenario that happened a few months ago. I was grocery shopping, and fumbling my way through the produce section. As I was picking things on my list, I kept noticing this woman kinda making eye contact with me and smiling. Needless to say, all sorts of Aspie and anxiety things kicked in, and I didn't approach her...but what if I had? Is that considered random? If after only a few minutes of conversation, would it be seen as creepy to ask for her number?


Oh, brain picking! *rubs hands together*

She was flirting with you. At that point, it wouldn't have been creepy to flirt back or to ask for her number if a short conversation went well.


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23 Aug 2011, 1:28 am

sagan wrote:
AsteroidNap wrote:
sagan wrote:

He obviously just wanted sex, that is what all guys want when they pick you up randomly. They don't know you enough to actually like you.


Not speaking to the French guy, but what if a guy simply is trying to get to know you to see IF he likes you? I can only speak for myself -- for example, last week on a flight home from Indianapolis, I met a woman who seemed to have a lot in common with me...we had a great hour-long conversation, and at the baggage claim, I got her phone number. That was kind of a random encounter, wasn't it? I didn't get her number for the sex...I did get her number because I hope to get to know her better.

I guess I'm just curious what defines a random situation for you? (and any other women here that would care to respond).


Well I normally judge depending on how long I talked with them, and where me meet.

When a guy asks me out literally on the street, and we never met before, definitely sex.
At a bar or club, generally sex, sometimes they are just bored.

Somewhere more neutral like a supermarket or bookstore, it depends on how long you talk and about what.
If I had talked to him for an hour on a plane and liked him, I probably would give him my number.

I guess I have just had really bad experiences with trusting people I should not have, and can be over skeptical / paranoid because of this.
Also I can be quite naive, and never notice when people are trying to use me for whatever reason. I am normally too trusting, so I guess I overcompensate as a defense mechanism.


These are the barriers we put up, aren't they? It's understandable really...especially as Aspies. Thanks for the insight.



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23 Aug 2011, 1:36 am

TeaEarlGreyHot wrote:
AsteroidNap wrote:
TeaEarlGreyHot wrote:

I wouldn't call that a random situation. Some stranger hitting on you right off the bat... that's random.


I'd like to pick your brain a bit further if you don't mind ;) Let me outline another scenario that happened a few months ago. I was grocery shopping, and fumbling my way through the produce section. As I was picking things on my list, I kept noticing this woman kinda making eye contact with me and smiling. Needless to say, all sorts of Aspie and anxiety things kicked in, and I didn't approach her...but what if I had? Is that considered random? If after only a few minutes of conversation, would it be seen as creepy to ask for her number?


Oh, brain picking! *rubs hands together*

She was flirting with you. At that point, it wouldn't have been creepy to flirt back or to ask for her number if a short conversation went well.


Dammit! I knew it, lol. See, I mull over these rare events for months afterward. A thousand things I should have and could have done....oh well. What really saddens me is that I missed that social connection and probably made her feel awkward because of my non-response. I'm sure she got over it though.



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23 Aug 2011, 1:51 am

AsteroidNap wrote:
TeaEarlGreyHot wrote:
AsteroidNap wrote:
TeaEarlGreyHot wrote:

I wouldn't call that a random situation. Some stranger hitting on you right off the bat... that's random.


I'd like to pick your brain a bit further if you don't mind ;) Let me outline another scenario that happened a few months ago. I was grocery shopping, and fumbling my way through the produce section. As I was picking things on my list, I kept noticing this woman kinda making eye contact with me and smiling. Needless to say, all sorts of Aspie and anxiety things kicked in, and I didn't approach her...but what if I had? Is that considered random? If after only a few minutes of conversation, would it be seen as creepy to ask for her number?


Oh, brain picking! *rubs hands together*

She was flirting with you. At that point, it wouldn't have been creepy to flirt back or to ask for her number if a short conversation went well.


Dammit! I knew it, lol. See, I mull over these rare events for months afterward. A thousand things I should have and could have done....oh well. What really saddens me is that I missed that social connection and probably made her feel awkward because of my non-response. I'm sure she got over it though.


:lol: I've done the same thing many times. Sometimes, my non-response is taken as submission and the guy gets aggressive with me.

It's hard knowing what to do in these kinds of situations.


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23 Aug 2011, 4:10 am

Oh yes... The local men are very aggressive, at least compared to the Finnish guys. Especially when I and my friend were by ourselves in LA or Vegas we literally couldn't walk 5 metres without being approached, whistled at or hit on.


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23 Aug 2011, 4:15 am

Lilya wrote:
Oh yes... The local men are very aggressive, at least compared to the Finnish guys. Especially when I and my friend were by ourselves in LA or Vegas we literally couldn't walk 5 metres without being approached, whistled at or hit on.


See? I'm not the only one that gets hit on whenever she's out in public!

Granted, I'm in a different part of CA, but I've been to Vegas and refused to leave my hotel without my then partner.


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25 Aug 2011, 12:06 am

The US is definitely a larger country with a lot of opportunities. The only caution I would have is that the economy is down right now, so it's harder to find a job. What I found that the best way to meet people when in school is to become part of a group that hangs out together for coffee or in the school cafeteria. Its a relaxed, low-stress way to know people.



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25 Aug 2011, 2:03 pm

AsteroidNap wrote:
TeaEarlGreyHot wrote:
AsteroidNap wrote:
TeaEarlGreyHot wrote:

I wouldn't call that a random situation. Some stranger hitting on you right off the bat... that's random.


I'd like to pick your brain a bit further if you don't mind ;) Let me outline another scenario that happened a few months ago. I was grocery shopping, and fumbling my way through the produce section. As I was picking things on my list, I kept noticing this woman kinda making eye contact with me and smiling. Needless to say, all sorts of Aspie and anxiety things kicked in, and I didn't approach her...but what if I had? Is that considered random? If after only a few minutes of conversation, would it be seen as creepy to ask for her number?


Oh, brain picking! *rubs hands together*

She was flirting with you. At that point, it wouldn't have been creepy to flirt back or to ask for her number if a short conversation went well.


Dammit! I knew it, lol. See, I mull over these rare events for months afterward. A thousand things I should have and could have done....oh well. What really saddens me is that I missed that social connection and probably made her feel awkward because of my non-response. I'm sure she got over it though.


You're not alone, AsteroidNap. I just created a thread about this in "Members Only."


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