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Hopetobe
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02 Mar 2013, 5:35 am

Personally, I think the link between ASDs and asexuality makes sense because of the social difficulties. Since we are "different" from the NT world, it makes sense that we have also different sexuality.

For myself, I don´t have a desire to have sex with anyone, especially men (I find penis gross, sorry guys). But I do masturbate and do have sexual feelings on my body parts. Actually, some of my stimming involve genitals (not sure whether I should call it "stimming" or it´s more like masturbation).

And also, I can´t help myself but I find sex pretty gross and don´t really understand it. Probbably that´s why I´m very conservative when it comes to sex (I know being conservative is "out" these days) and pretty tired of this hypersexual society.



marshall
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03 Mar 2013, 4:33 pm

Aspinator wrote:
I feel there is maybe a slight one. I feel most people who are asexual are that way because of necessity. It is easier to claim to be asexual that to say it has been years since you have been with someone.

That's an annoying assumption.



TommyGun991
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03 Mar 2013, 5:05 pm

I can say I'm gray-a. I have a sexual drive but I don't pursue sex. No woman can turn me on so hard that I would actively try to get her to have sex with me. Besides, I don't have enough social weaponry to bring someone closer to having sex with me, I don't actually know how sex is pursued. The idea of one night stands is fine in my head but in real life, I can't do it. A few girls made certain advances, for which I realized were advances a lot later in most cases. But in cases in which they were quite obvious, I couldn't do it because I will not have sex with a girl unless I want a long term relationship with her. I don't date for the same reason, very few girls attract me and I will not act unless the attraction is strong. (it's never strong).



nessa238
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03 Mar 2013, 5:07 pm

TommyGun991 wrote:
I can say I'm gray-a. I have a sexual drive but I don't pursue sex. No woman can turn me on so hard that I would actively try to get her to have sex with me. Besides, I don't have enough social weaponry to bring someone closer to having sex with me, I don't actually know how sex is pursued. The idea of one night stands is fine in my head but in real life, I can't do it. A few girls made certain advances, for which I realized were advances a lot later in most cases. But in cases in which they were quite obvious, I couldn't do it because I will not have sex with a girl unless I want a long term relationship with her. I don't date for the same reason, very few girls attract me and I will not act unless the attraction is strong. (it's never strong).


How are you defining the 'strong enough' attraction? What are the criteria for it?



TommyGun991
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03 Mar 2013, 5:18 pm

nessa238 wrote:
TommyGun991 wrote:
I can say I'm gray-a. I have a sexual drive but I don't pursue sex. No woman can turn me on so hard that I would actively try to get her to have sex with me. Besides, I don't have enough social weaponry to bring someone closer to having sex with me, I don't actually know how sex is pursued. The idea of one night stands is fine in my head but in real life, I can't do it. A few girls made certain advances, for which I realized were advances a lot later in most cases. But in cases in which they were quite obvious, I couldn't do it because I will not have sex with a girl unless I want a long term relationship with her. I don't date for the same reason, very few girls attract me and I will not act unless the attraction is strong. (it's never strong).


How are you defining the 'strong enough' attraction? What are the criteria for it?


Strong attraction=attraction that is strong enough to make me want to do something to be with that person, to actively try to be with that person. Otherwise, I won't even bother, that's why I don't date, why would I date a person I'm very vaguely attracted to. As to what causes strong attraction, I don't know. I don't think it's a process that involves solely conscious standards, but I obviously have some that are a must.



nessa238
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03 Mar 2013, 5:22 pm

TommyGun991 wrote:
nessa238 wrote:
TommyGun991 wrote:
I can say I'm gray-a. I have a sexual drive but I don't pursue sex. No woman can turn me on so hard that I would actively try to get her to have sex with me. Besides, I don't have enough social weaponry to bring someone closer to having sex with me, I don't actually know how sex is pursued. The idea of one night stands is fine in my head but in real life, I can't do it. A few girls made certain advances, for which I realized were advances a lot later in most cases. But in cases in which they were quite obvious, I couldn't do it because I will not have sex with a girl unless I want a long term relationship with her. I don't date for the same reason, very few girls attract me and I will not act unless the attraction is strong. (it's never strong).


How are you defining the 'strong enough' attraction? What are the criteria for it?


Strong attraction=attraction that is strong enough to make me want to do something to be with that person, to actively try to be with that person. Otherwise, I won't even bother, that's why I don't date, why would I date a person I'm very vaguely attracted to. As to what causes strong attraction, I don't know. I don't think it's a process that involves solely conscious standards, but I obviously have some that are a must.


What are the 'some that are a must' then?

I think most people have the criteria of 'I want someone, could you possibly be suitable?' rather than 'Unless you are exactly what I want I'm not bothering'

in which case it's as if you want a fantasy, not a real person



TommyGun991
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03 Mar 2013, 5:27 pm

nessa238 wrote:
What are the 'some that are a must' then?


First off, if you're asking this because you want to learn about male attraction process or whatnot, I'm not a good example :p

1) no extroverted energizer bunnies who expect me to go to clubs or travel or whatnot
2) non dramatic, laid back, funny, affectionate, kind, soft spoken, low key
3) no tons of make up
4) intelligent

That's it. But even if a girl meets the standards above, it doesn't mean I'll be attracted. It's stupid, I know.

'Unless you are exactly what I want I'm not bothering' - this is how I feel, yes although it doesn't have to be exactly, but maybe 80% at least. This is because I'm not naturally inclined to have relationships so unless they provide specific things I prefer, I'm not interested. I'm not interested in wasting my time testing whether some girl is suitable enough because it is a waste of time in my view, I don't like the ''ride''.



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03 Mar 2013, 5:45 pm

I'm asexual. The most I like doing is cuddling. (I LOVE cuddling :)

I would like to have a "girlfriend" though. Someone who "gets me"

The types of girls that most guys would describe as hot or sexy, I feel no kind of attraction to. I prefer the "nerdy or geeky" kinda girl. I seem to like the girls in movies who would be described as "weird" like Luna from Harry Potter.


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marshall
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03 Mar 2013, 7:26 pm

I'm an asexual guy. I never bring it up IRL and it's kind of a barrier to having a romantic relationship. It's not like I wouldn't desire to have a "romantic" relationship at some point if there really exists people in this world who would accept that without sex. The problem is for guys it's pretty much anatomically impossible to have "fake" sex just please a woman.



AllPurposeFeeling
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23 Apr 2013, 12:37 pm

Hey, saw this topic while googling stuff about Asperger's and asexuality and thought I'd chime in with my own two cents. I know the last reply was back in March, but seeing as there was a two-year gap in the replies (I checked) I'm sure this is OK ;3


I have Asperger's. I have a dick and I do get these "tingly" feelings in it. However, I've learned to associate these feelings with mostly emotional and aesthetic cues instead of thinking that they're sexual.
Feel happy about great weather or spending time with a friend? Feel emotionally hurt after a bad situation? Feel frustrated, uncomfortable, stressful, anxious or annoyed? Feel excited about something new or awesome? Looking at something that's cute, beautiful or otherwise visually pleasing? Taking in a sensual experience, like eating delicious food or listening to awesome music? All of these things register in my dick as well.
The libido is always there, I just don't consciously associate it with sexual stuff. Like my username suggests, it's more of an "all-purpose feeling" that just reflects the situation I'm in and the thoughts and feelings I'm having. Mostly, though, it's just frustrating as all hell! It does make sexual thoughts bombard my mind, probably because the feeling is happening in my dick, but I consider these thoughts intrusive, disturbing and unwanted, like if some as*hole is watching really loud porn in the next room, and you just wanna focus on what you're doing but the porn sounds are distracting you and making you uncomfortable. It might stir when I see people, and I might have passing thoughts about sexually touching them, but when they fade I remember that I don't even want to do anything like that. It's kinda like sexual OCD, you know?
I consider the thought of having an intimate romantic or sexual relationship with anyone intensely uncomfortable, and I am quite content satisfying my libido by just masturbating. So yeah, I consider myself to be a type of asexual.



MusicalWonders
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23 Apr 2013, 11:41 pm

I don't think so but it might be a common thing among aspies, since a lot of us don't feel comfortable being touched.

Never heard of demisexual until now, this answers some questions I've had to myself, as I have no desire to have sex and down right fear it but I can still feel... eheh. :oops: Anyways, still confused about my orientation. Thought I was straight but then I developed a crush on a girl, then I became fascinated with transgenders and intersexual and considered myself pansexual, except I recently discovered I have no desire to be with them and am confused because I don't think I am bisexual?

Ways I can distinguish a crush is if I am more interested in them than other friends or people and I have an urge to help them and stuff. I also tend to be more wary of my character and have an urge to tell them as much information I can about myself and want to know more about them. There;s something else but I don't really feel comfortable explaining it. I'm pretty sure we all have our own way of feeling or showing platonic connections, though. but I've never actually confessed or shown my crushes how I feel..

ALSO, I am able to develop hate-crushes. I can 'like' a person, solely based on hatred. It's kind of like, I want to argue with them all the time and 1up them in everything but in a way, I expect them to embarrass me. It's pretty hard to understand.. I really don't know what I should label myself as.

Yeeah, sorry if I went a bit off-topic, sexuality and orientation are different but they're both really confusing.



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24 Apr 2013, 5:41 pm

MusicalWonders wrote:
ALSO, I am able to develop hate-crushes.


"The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference." as a clever man said once :)



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24 Apr 2013, 9:21 pm

Quote:
I do think Asexuality CAN be indirectly related. It's kind of hard to establish a sexual relationship with anyone if your communications skills suck horribly.

It's not that uncommon for people who can't manage to establish something they want in life long enough, to convince themselves they don't want it anyway. I suspect being Asexual can begin as a non-choice, and become a conscious choice. Of course I'm sure there are quite a few who choose from the beginning, or simply don't have any interest in sex. I highly suspect that's pretty rare though.


OK, firstly, being asexual is not about behavior. It's about desire. And it's not a choice, any more than being gay is.

It is possible for long-term celibacy to result in sexual feelings going 'underground', but the vast majority of people who identify as asexual have never felt sexual attraction. It didn't go underground - it was never there to begin with.



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24 Apr 2013, 9:30 pm

Having sexual relationships solidified my sense of not wanting or needing sex.



MusicalWonders
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24 Apr 2013, 9:49 pm

Anomiel wrote:
MusicalWonders wrote:
ALSO, I am able to develop hate-crushes.


"The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference." as a clever man said once :)


Ahaha, Yeah, I'm aware. :) It just confuses me how I can like somebody because I hate them.



rdos
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25 Apr 2013, 2:40 pm

Interesting thread. I posted to an evolutionary psychology list just to get some reasonable theories for the cause of asexuality, but nobody provided anything interesting (aside from some disease-models).

Thus, I posted my own model, and nobody really commented it.

Quote:
Let me introduce a new model of asexuality that also includes neurodiversity.

In Aspie Quiz, asexuality has a peculiar gender pattern. It doesn't have a gender bias in the neurotypical population, but is much more common in neurodiverse females.

Average scores: (0-2 range, N=16,423)
Male neurotypical: 0.11 - 0.16
Female neurotypical: 0.12 - 0.18
Male neurodiverse: 0.32 - 0.39
Female neurodiverse: 0.41 - 0.50

Asexuality has the largest (negative) correlation to neurotypical social traits. Neurotypical social traits can be summarized as a desire to socialize with strangers. In humans, sexual behavior is not related to periods of estrus, rather humans have evolved concealed estrus. It seems like neurotypical humans have evolved their sexual preferences as part of their social preferences. The desire to use sexual intercourse as a way to keep relationships together is a neurotypical social trait that sometimes is missing in neurodiversity.

This predicts that disliking sexual intercourse as a social behavior, but not as reproduction, should be correlated to neurodiversity.

Average scores for disliking sexual intercourse expect for reproduction
Male neurotypical: 0.06-0.10
Female neurotypical: 0.17-0.24
Male neurodiverse: 0.27-0.35
Female neurodiverse: 0.47-0.57

It shows the same bias as asexuality. Even more interesting, is that this trait correlates best to being asexual (r=0.38).

This leads up to the model. Asexuality in neurotypical humans have no adaptive function. The sexual behavior of neurotypical humans evolved as a social adaptation and become a universal. In Neanderthals, this evolution never happened and instead they had the ancestral state (possibly modified in some way). Neanderthal could control reproduction by only having sexual intercourse in order to reproduce. The manifestation of asexuality in our current culture is driven by the expectation that relationships and sexuality is always primarily based on sexual intercourse. People that dislike sexual intercourse will then be driven to identify as asexuals in order to escape these expectations. The reason why both asexuality and disliking sexual intercourse other than for reproduction are more prevalent in neurodiverse females than neurodiverse males is that females had the strongest reason to avoid non-reproductive sex. In fact, such a behavior was the norm before contraceptives became common