Not being heard when talking to friends?

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Tufted Titmouse
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09 Aug 2011, 8:04 pm

Don't know if this has been addressed before, but anyway:

When I'm with a group of friends, and they start talking, I'll also, naturally, try getting a word in the discussion now and then. And I start talking, but... they just seem to ignore what I'm saying, or just talk over me. I can start a sentence, and won't get farther than a few words before the next person starts hers/his. I'm pretty sure it's not that they purposefully ignore me, more that they somehow... don't hear me. I have a naturally "low" voice, so that might be some of the reason, but I'm working on this, and trying to keep my voice a bit "louder" when talking to others.
Anyway, this is why I sometimes prefer just being with one friend at a time rather than a group, as the talking is one-on-one there's no real risk of not being heard... I feel I often get not heard in discussion between us all, and instead they just talk between each other without paying attention to me. Probably doesn't help that at times, I won't really talk much because the subject discussed at the moment is of no interest to me and I have no idea what to say about it, and I just stay silent, but still there, as I wait for another thing to be discussed.

So, anyone else has this "problem"? Anyone else notices this? Think this would be an "Aspie thing"?



Radiofixr
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09 Aug 2011, 8:27 pm

happens to me day in and day out with co workers and actually other aspies sometimes-no body listens to me.


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09 Aug 2011, 8:36 pm

I have the same problem when I'm in a group of people and I also tend to talk to quiet. It feels like there bored of me and feels like I'm a gohst or something when I try to get involved they talk over me and that's what autistic/aspergic people do! Hahaha so I often just don't get involved in group conversations but then they say I don't talk or not enough but when I do they don't really listen or let me get a word in! I'm confused. Most of the time when they say something I end up thinking about that and them say something they've allready concluded that conversation, it's too fast sometimes and difficult to keep up with them.


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Jory
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09 Aug 2011, 8:49 pm

Happens with my family all the time. I'm there but I'm not there. I'm either being ignored or interrupted and talked over.



Georgia
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09 Aug 2011, 8:51 pm

If I'm in the mood to perform as if I were good at socializing, I can get through something like this alright.
Usually this means that I am hyper from too little sleep and real food, and/or too much caffiene and sugar.

When I am just my regular old awkward self, I can only handle one person at a time.


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09 Aug 2011, 9:11 pm

Happens all the time, I don't think it is just an aspie thing to be honest...

It seems that everyone is very keen on talking and only interested in getting their own words out, so they don't fully listen to others but instead often are just waiting for their turn to talk - it often appears to me that they're in a rush to talk, they know someone else may talk before them so they rush to ensure they get their words in first.

It's like rudeness - rudeness begets rudeness - people feel like they're not being listened to so they hog the conversation, but in hogging the conversation someone else feels they're not being listened to either, before long no one feels like they're being listened to so they don't bother listening to others either and just concern themselves with their need to express themselves.

I often feel at battle with others to get out what I have to say before they start talking again - granted I tend to talk louder so often win the battle to get my voice heard, I spend too much time alone and spent too many years being non-verbal, not to mention being part of the underclass and underestimated I need to make up for lost time and make my opinions heard.


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09 Aug 2011, 9:29 pm

Happens all the time and annoys the heck out of me. I thought it was my friends being sexist maybe, but that might not be the case...

As someone else noted, it's extremely common when I'm with family. It's seriously as if I don't exist at all with them.



Davuardo
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10 Aug 2011, 1:49 am

Its definitely not your voice, though I'm not entirely sure what you mean by 'low' but it wont be it either way.

Low voices travel further than high voices, so if that's what you meant then that won't be the problem, more narcissistic individuals desperate to be heard as mentioned by Bloodheart.

If you meant a quieter sort of low voice, then that won't be it either :P I have the loudest voice I know of due to growing up living with deaf grandparents, I just naturally talk far too loudly for everyone. Yet no-one seems to hear me in a group conversation either, I just tend to give up and talk to a couple of my friends who sit on their own. They are sick of the same thing happening as well.

Good to know its not only me :)


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Artros
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10 Aug 2011, 4:54 am

I have the same problem as well, especially with people I don't know very well. It's very annoying. For some reason, though, it doesn't really happen very often with my family and friends.


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10 Aug 2011, 10:57 am

constantly! i only really care if the person i was addressing doesnt hear but someone else does, cos then i have to commit myself. or share an awkward glance.
people seem to hear me subconsciously because often ill ask a Q/say something and it will get ignored, then a minute later someone else will say the exact same thing and steal all my glory



Artros
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10 Aug 2011, 11:32 am

OneStepBeyond wrote:
constantly! i only really care if the person i was addressing doesnt hear but someone else does, cos then i have to commit myself. or share an awkward glance.
people seem to hear me subconsciously because often ill ask a Q/say something and it will get ignored, then a minute later someone else will say the exact same thing and steal all my glory


That is the most annoying thing of all. Then again, I even see it happening on internet fora (even here).


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OneStepBeyond
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10 Aug 2011, 2:09 pm

*ignores*

it's also annoying when it happens online



Henbane
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10 Aug 2011, 2:25 pm

Yes, I'm not good at group interaction really. I'll mainly be quiet, unless I know the people really really well (hardly ever). If I do speak it's normally said too quietly, too loudly, or is something slightly inappropriate.


OneStepBeyond wrote:
*ignores*

it's also annoying when it happens online



Sorry, did you say something?



Simonono
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10 Aug 2011, 2:27 pm

My opinions are ignored. But that's understandable since I do come out with some pointless crap.

Anyways, if someone ignores me I just talk to myself.

"Okay then! Guess I'll go away then..."



jackbus01
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11 Aug 2011, 2:51 am

If I feel communication is difficult I usually end up repeating myself or talking louder. If that does not work then I say half a sentence and then just shut up to see if anyone is listening. This sometimes gets peoples attention and then you can dominate the conversation again. The whole give-and-take can be frustrating sometimes. If all of this fails I usually just shut up.

Me: "Like I was trying to say, conversation can be difficult because you often..."
<long Pause>
Other: "often what?"
Me: "Oh, you were listening, yeah like I was saying..."

Try it sometimes. It works great!



Artros
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11 Aug 2011, 2:59 am

OneStepBeyond wrote:
*ignores*

it's also annoying when it happens online


*rage*


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