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Ai_Ling
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12 Aug 2011, 5:25 pm

It sometimes frustrates me that whenever articles discuss autism/aspergers and dating its always about aspie men and NT females. The only thing Ive ever read addressing aspie females and dating is a section out of aspergirls. I cant really draw out much perspective from that cause female aspies/NT male relationships are much different then aspie male/NT female relationships. Or I would think.

I just typed in a google search for autism and dating. And all the references were about AS male/NT female.



Tequila
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12 Aug 2011, 5:27 pm

I don't know any Aspie women in real life. Perhaps they only exist on the Interweb.



Fnord
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12 Aug 2011, 5:35 pm

Tequila wrote:
I don't know any Aspie women in real life...

Ditto. Perhaps those who exist in the RW are less affected by AS than their male counterparts ... ?

:shrug:


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JohnOldman
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12 Aug 2011, 6:18 pm

Rudy Simone is coming out with a whole book that's meant to teach NT men how to understand their Aspergirl partner.



JohnOldman
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12 Aug 2011, 6:25 pm

There's an excerpt here.



Ai_Ling
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12 Aug 2011, 6:31 pm

oh sweet. I'd wanna read the book. I kinda wanted a book/articles, directed at aspie females in how to navigate the dating world.



katzefrau
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12 Aug 2011, 6:32 pm

Ai_Ling wrote:
It sometimes frustrates me that whenever articles discuss autism/aspergers and dating its always about aspie men and NT females.


it frustrates me also. but be careful how you present that topic if you venture into L & D with it, or you will be bombarded with men arguing that they have it worse or even that women should have no problem in this area, especially if they're attractive enough to somehow lure in sex partners. some understand, but some are too bitter to recognize that we might have similar issues, that ultimately it is about relating to others or being able to determine what behavior is expected of us or what result anything has that we do or say. and there is also the added safety issue with women who can't read someone's intention properly. it's no small issue.

JohnOldman wrote:
Rudy Simone is coming out with a whole book that's meant to teach NT men how to understand their Aspergirl partner.


great news. i hope men actually read it. i'll leave it surreptitiously everywhere .. with pages propped open and highlighted ..


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JohnOldman
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12 Aug 2011, 8:47 pm

katzefrau wrote:
JohnOldman wrote:
Rudy Simone is coming out with a whole book that's meant to teach NT men how to understand their Aspergirl partner.


great news. i hope men actually read it. i'll leave it surreptitiously everywhere .. with pages propped open and highlighted ..

:)

I'm going to get it as soon as it's out.
.



Tuttle
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12 Aug 2011, 11:50 pm

I'm having an even harder time with it - I can't find anything for female aspies with aspie partners. Us females are different in some ways than males, even when we're aspies, and aspie/aspie books are even focused on the male side of the relationship.

The Female AS/Male NT book will be a good thing to exist though. I've been sad that it didn't exist.



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13 Aug 2011, 4:51 pm

me too! where do i find out about this book?



buryuntime
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13 Aug 2011, 5:23 pm

Yuck.

I don't relate to the excerpt.

Maybe the book will have other chapters more relevant, but I hope the book doesn't center around someone that is 'controlling'.



Graelwyn
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13 Aug 2011, 6:50 pm

Tuttle wrote:
I'm having an even harder time with it - I can't find anything for female aspies with aspie partners. Us females are different in some ways than males, even when we're aspies, and aspie/aspie books are even focused on the male side of the relationship.


I am finding the same experience, while seeing an Aspergers male, who seems to be far more severe than myself in some areas, whereas I struggle more in different areas...communication seems to be almost impossible.


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JohnOldman
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13 Aug 2011, 7:53 pm

buryuntime wrote:
Maybe the book will have other chapters more relevant, but I hope the book doesn't center around someone that is 'controlling'.


This book is a follow-up to her "22 Things a Woman Must Know: If She Loves a Man With Asperger's Syndrome." I'm guessing that the excerpt is the only section that covers control issues, and that there will be 21 other entirely different topics covered.



katzefrau
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14 Aug 2011, 1:01 am

buryuntime wrote:
Yuck.

I don't relate to the excerpt.

Maybe the book will have other chapters more relevant, but I hope the book doesn't center around someone that is 'controlling'.


i thought the same thing. i liked her books Aspergirls and Aspergers on the Job. but this is the wrong thing to put forward first from the new book. and "control freak" was a bad choice of words on her part.


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sempertemper
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16 Aug 2011, 5:07 pm

Maybe you just didn't recognize them...
As a female aspie, I rarely go out, but if I do, I'd never risk to let anyone find out anything personal about me. When you grow up as a female aspie you're in all likelihood not aware that you even are an aspie, and your chances of being diagnosed - as long as it still counts - are next to nowhere (at least outside of Australia).
So please cut us some slack.



Tequila
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16 Aug 2011, 6:03 pm

sempertemper wrote:
Maybe you just didn't recognize them...


Well, there is that, but women with Asperger's don't tend to broadcast it, so generally one looks to the more submissive, quieter women.

sempertemper wrote:
As a female aspie, I rarely go out, but if I do, I'd never risk to let anyone find out anything personal about me.


Well, exactly. A lot of these women seem very closed people who resist any real contact. In all truth I probably do know a few but it's impossible to engage them in conversation in any case.

sempertemper: I'll try, alright? :)

Fnord wrote:
Ditto. Perhaps those who exist in the RW are less affected by AS than their male counterparts ... ?


No, I suspect that they can 'hold it together' easier due to many of the symptoms of Asperger's traditionally being easier to hide. Plus a lot of women suffer from social anxiety as a result so one can only guess, really.