Aspergers and Sexual Harassment

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emmasma
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30 Oct 2017, 3:55 pm

hale_bopp wrote:
Aaendi wrote:
The truth is a lot of neurotypical women pretend to feel uncomfortable just to laugh at the Aspie guy.


Maybe when they’re teenagers or in their early 20s. As you get older, behaviour like that is less and less acceptable as you cannot blame being immature for being a flat out dick forever, and only makes them look bad.


As an adult aspi woman who has held 30+ jobs ( mostly due to getting paranoid and quiting); I can tell you this is not true. People are still jerks when they grow up, some of them even get better at it and get more power. Adults still have an unwritten social power structure, and some of them are still flat out dicks, and the ones who do it right usually have the most friends.

As a group NT women are the ones who I have been bullied by and seen bully others most often. This is social bullying, little digs disguised as backhanded complements and talking behind peoples back and stuff, taking every opportunity to make sure everyone knows when I do anything wrong. This type of behavior can be devastating for aspies. I really hate it. Not all NT women are like this but it only takes one or two in a workplace to really mess up the culture, and they can really make it hard on individuals who they feel socially superior too.



JaredGTALover
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16 Nov 2017, 5:08 pm

that's why i've isolated myself from all neurotypical women & girls my age,even the chubby ones :alien: :alien: :alien: :alien: :alien: :alien: ,based on how severely awkward i appear to them upon eye-contact,like i would've done back in high-school :alien: :alien: :alien: :alien: :alien: :alien:



Last edited by JaredGTALover on 16 Nov 2017, 9:01 pm, edited 1 time in total.

hale_bopp
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16 Nov 2017, 7:07 pm

emmasma wrote:
hale_bopp wrote:
Aaendi wrote:
The truth is a lot of neurotypical women pretend to feel uncomfortable just to laugh at the Aspie guy.


Maybe when they’re teenagers or in their early 20s. As you get older, behaviour like that is less and less acceptable as you cannot blame being immature for being a flat out dick forever, and only makes them look bad.


As an adult aspi woman who has held 30+ jobs ( mostly due to getting paranoid and quiting); I can tell you this is not true. People are still jerks when they grow up, some of them even get better at it and get more power. Adults still have an unwritten social power structure, and some of them are still flat out dicks, and the ones who do it right usually have the most friends.

As a group NT women are the ones who I have been bullied by and seen bully others most often. This is social bullying, little digs disguised as backhanded complements and talking behind peoples back and stuff, taking every opportunity to make sure everyone knows when I do anything wrong. This type of behavior can be devastating for aspies. I really hate it. Not all NT women are like this but it only takes one or two in a workplace to really mess up the culture, and they can really make it hard on individuals who they feel socially superior too.


People are dicks in general. What I was saying is they’ve run out of excuses and it makes them generally look bad to unbiased people, wheras at school it might have made them popular.

I’m not saying everyone is lovely, that’s silly.

I find the internet is much more toxic than real life, but maybe that’s just me.



emmasma
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17 Nov 2017, 12:41 pm

hale_bopp wrote:
emmasma wrote:
hale_bopp wrote:
Aaendi wrote:
The truth is a lot of neurotypical women pretend to feel uncomfortable just to laugh at the Aspie guy.


Maybe when they’re teenagers or in their early 20s. As you get older, behaviour like that is less and less acceptable as you cannot blame being immature for being a flat out dick forever, and only makes them look bad.


As an adult aspi woman who has held 30+ jobs ( mostly due to getting paranoid and quiting); I can tell you this is not true. People are still jerks when they grow up, some of them even get better at it and get more power. Adults still have an unwritten social power structure, and some of them are still flat out dicks, and the ones who do it right usually have the most friends.

As a group NT women are the ones who I have been bullied by and seen bully others most often. This is social bullying, little digs disguised as backhanded complements and talking behind peoples back and stuff, taking every opportunity to make sure everyone knows when I do anything wrong. This type of behavior can be devastating for aspies. I really hate it. Not all NT women are like this but it only takes one or two in a workplace to really mess up the culture, and they can really make it hard on individuals who they feel socially superior too.


People are dicks in general. What I was saying is they’ve run out of excuses and it makes them generally look bad to unbiased people, wheras at school it might have made them popular.

I’m not saying everyone is lovely, that’s silly.

I find the internet is much more toxic than real life, but maybe that’s just me.


Yes the internet is pretty toxic sometimes. I do find that alot of the worst social bullies are the ones that rise to the top of the social food chain though. Not the ones who are outwardly just mean. There's that other type that everyone loves to be a round. The things they do are more nuanced.



Shakti
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17 Nov 2017, 12:56 pm

I've been a target for this through my lifetime so much it's ridiculous, and I can't be touched in public without having a meltdown.

Is it just me, or are there plenty of f*****g sickos out there who figure ASD women make the perfect targets to sexually harass or assault. Because if they speak out, they're seen as so crazy no one will believe them. This has happened to me more times in my life than I have fingers and possibly toes to count them on, and the trauma from this invalidation is easily one of the top 3 things holding me back in life.


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sly279
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17 Nov 2017, 1:54 pm

Image

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Dragnet
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18 Nov 2017, 12:10 am

Ai_Ling wrote:
aspie males = high risk for being a sexual harasser??
aspie female = high risk for being a sexual victim??


Hm...

Why can't aspie males be at high risk for being sexual victims?

If they were that would probably create some disconnect on how to treat others right?

Also I would like to not be judged here in terms of sparking a debate about my sexuality...

But is it just me... or does being homosexual seem like a safer option. Bear with me here and you'll see my point, okay take an attractive female, you approach and you make a sexual gesture. Its very likely their reply negatively but if you do the same to a homosexual male there are mostly totally comfortable with it even if not in to it. They are much more likely to reply yay or nah. So... this begs the question are all sexual gestures inappropriate? That can't be or no one would have sex, so why is the line so hard to read here.

First kiss from a woman I got, she never asked, I was pretty blown in a good way but still, if I didn't ask her and kissed her, would it be inappropriate?

What measures inappropriate?

I think that is better question for aspie males then flat out implying their are predators...



Gallia
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04 Apr 2018, 9:46 am

Ai_Ling wrote:
While being on here, i get the impression that female aspies are at high risk for sexual harassment because they cant read the social signals of a sexual predator.


100% that. I am scared of dating these days due to bad past experiences.

Interestingly, there was this guy in college who might have been on the spectrum who used to stare at me a lot. most people might have found it creepy, it didn't bother me too much. what bothers me is guys who pressure you into physical contact n stuff. that's not cool.


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06 Apr 2018, 1:08 pm

Ai_Ling wrote:
So I was reading a book that was guide for aspies going to college. When I read the dating section, it was directed mostly towards male aspies and basically 80% of it was heavily emphasizing about not being a stalker, sexual harasser, creeper, etc. I was amazed, it was more a about not being a creep vs learning how to navigate the dating world.

While being on here, i get the impression that female aspies are at high risk for sexual harassment because they cant read the social signals of a sexual predator.

So...

aspie males = high risk for being a sexual harasser??
aspie female = high risk for being a sexual victim??

Im female aspie and well lets just put it this way. If I were an aspie guy doing some of the stuff to NT females that ive done to NT males. Umm...I would have gotten a restraining order at the least. So I guess I fall under the category of stalker, creep, etc. No Ive never attempted to give a guy unwanted sexual attention so that disqualifies me to sexual predator.

Edit #1: Just a tip for u aspie males who dont want to be branded as a creep. Make efforts not to dress in a way which women might perceive u as a creep. For example, if you have long hair and wear leather jackets, steel toed boots and is slightly overweight. Chances are you are gonna be perceived as a creep. If you dont know if u dress like a creep, ask a friend or family member for some critique. Remember: geeky is better then creepy


What the hell how is that 'dressing like a creep' exactly?

Also, one mistake people make is thinking there is a particular look for creeps/sexual predators, that is wrong they can look like anything. I mean that Brock Turner guy who got a slap on the wrist for raping an unconscious girl probably just looked like your typical 'sporty' college kid beings he was on the swim team or whatever.



asp159
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06 Apr 2018, 3:44 pm

I find the problem is everyone you ask for feedback is too nice to tell you what you need to improve and just say you're fine. Only way I know i'm not fine is that i'm still single and girl blocked me as soon as I ask her out like I did something awful.



asp159
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06 Apr 2018, 3:54 pm

Dragnet wrote:
Ai_Ling wrote:
aspie males = high risk for being a sexual harasser??
aspie female = high risk for being a sexual victim??


Hm...

Why can't aspie males be at high risk for being sexual victims?

If they were that would probably create some disconnect on how to treat others right?

Also I would like to not be judged here in terms of sparking a debate about my sexuality...

But is it just me... or does being homosexual seem like a safer option. Bear with me here and you'll see my point, okay take an attractive female, you approach and you make a sexual gesture. Its very likely their reply negatively but if you do the same to a homosexual male there are mostly totally comfortable with it even if not in to it. They are much more likely to reply yay or nah. So... this begs the question are all sexual gestures inappropriate? That can't be or no one would have sex, so why is the line so hard to read here.

First kiss from a woman I got, she never asked, I was pretty blown in a good way but still, if I didn't ask her and kissed her, would it be inappropriate?

What measures inappropriate?

I think that is better question for aspie males then flat out implying their are predators...



As a bisexual aspie I have to say gay guys are almost always easier to talk to than woman. They tend to not take the interest I show as me being a creep and can just decline if not interested. Consequently I've been on dates with about 20 guys and 1 girl as they just act like i'm doing something wrong by showing interest in them. Ironically i'm more interested in girls than guys. I'm not saying anything sexual either just general stuff but woman either treat me like I'm a robot or i'm going to rape them. :?



The_Face_of_Boo
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06 Apr 2018, 4:26 pm

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06 Apr 2018, 4:49 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Image


Well what the hell, why was it on the first page of the forum if it was so old...But also why would he punish the kitties?



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06 Apr 2018, 11:11 pm

asp159 wrote:
Dragnet wrote:
Ai_Ling wrote:
aspie males = high risk for being a sexual harasser??
aspie female = high risk for being a sexual victim??


Hm...

Why can't aspie males be at high risk for being sexual victims?

If they were that would probably create some disconnect on how to treat others right?

Also I would like to not be judged here in terms of sparking a debate about my sexuality...

But is it just me... or does being homosexual seem like a safer option. Bear with me here and you'll see my point, okay take an attractive female, you approach and you make a sexual gesture. Its very likely their reply negatively but if you do the same to a homosexual male there are mostly totally comfortable with it even if not in to it. They are much more likely to reply yay or nah. So... this begs the question are all sexual gestures inappropriate? That can't be or no one would have sex, so why is the line so hard to read here.

First kiss from a woman I got, she never asked, I was pretty blown in a good way but still, if I didn't ask her and kissed her, would it be inappropriate?

What measures inappropriate?

I think that is better question for aspie males then flat out implying their are predators...



As a bisexual aspie I have to say gay guys are almost always easier to talk to than woman. They tend to not take the interest I show as me being a creep and can just decline if not interested. Consequently I've been on dates with about 20 guys and 1 girl as they just act like i'm doing something wrong by showing interest in them. Ironically i'm more interested in girls than guys. I'm not saying anything sexual either just general stuff but woman either treat me like I'm a robot or i'm going to rape them. :?


I’m bisexual too and have never been on a date with a guy or girl. People just assume I’m straight, and I don’t know how to tell if a person is gay unless the signs are really obvious. And I don’t know the correct way to ask someone out anyway.



asp159
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07 Apr 2018, 12:41 am

Quote:
I’m bisexual too and have never been on a date with a guy or girl. People just assume I’m straight, and I don’t know how to tell if a person is gay unless the signs are really obvious. And I don’t know the correct way to ask someone out anyway.


Oh I just use grindr or something online. I have no idea how to spot some random guy either. As for girls I just look for them smiling and laughing with me but apparently that's always just friendliness.

As for asking someone out I came to the conclusion there is no correct way. Been asking and searching for advice and every single source seems to contradict another. So I just picked one. It failed.