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pokemon are real and i have a shiny living in my house!

I don't know about that but I have found several that do excellent lap dances.

How very dare you!
That's actually the stand-in I use for PPR.

And bison play the piano.
They make a great pairing, but it's a bit hard on the floorboards.

time was invented by calendar companies in order to make more calendar profits.

The concept of time isn't real.

For a long time I've been collecting those little bits of grit that appeared in the corners of my eyes. It's been three decades but my collection has grown to a measurable size...though I have not been able to actually measure it...it fights back.

For my party trick, I set fire to my own nose hair and draw replicas of classic paintings in the smoke. It's pretty easy if you practice regularly.

I don't know whether you have the same problem as I do but sometimes I can smell something but I can't figure out exactly what the smell is or where it is coming from. I finally broke down and bought an electronic, portable, hand-held nose to help me with this.

It has been working GREAT! Except...it caught a cold.

I could do without it while it got well again but I discovered a problem. It is just a nose. It has no hands to hold the tissue when blowing the electronic mucous out. It turns out I have to hold the tissue for it. YUCK!!

(stolen from Garfield, the genius himself)

There's no such place as Wyoming. Have you ever met anyone from Wyoming ? There's your proof

Earth will be closed for essential maintenance from the 12th of April until the 23rd of August. Please make alternative arrangements for your planetary needs during this period.

Donald "Pumpkin" Trump has fled the US and has been taken in by Russia.

Donald Trump, Vladimir Putin and Kim Jong-un are not human, but aliens from a planet that used to exist and was blown up in another universe, They are here to throw people into chaos and havoc, because in reality, they are testing us to see who the most violent and chaotic of us is and then they plan on creating offspring from that person and creating a race of overly sociopathic brainwashed humans to destroy our world.

You don't have any reason to worry.

Donald "Pumpkin" Trump has been acquitted of all charges!

However, he will be taken in by his pal Vladmir Putin. No one will miss Pumpkin.