Does everybody go silent when you're around?

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swbluto
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17 Aug 2011, 9:10 am

I noticed that whenever a small-to-medium sized group of 'normal people' (Let's say, less than 10) are gathered and they're chit-chatting away and I enter the room, the room suddenly goes quiet and everybody is observing every move I make. It doesn't particularly bother me at the time it happens, but I kind of wonder if this happens to other aspies because I swear this never happens when someone else enters the room. I intuitively know that it's an "An outsider is in our midst" reaction and I think it's kind of annoying.



swbluto
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17 Aug 2011, 9:59 am

Lol, would 63 views to this thread with no reply be the digital equivalent of this phenomena? :lol:



leejosepho
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17 Aug 2011, 10:12 am

swbluto wrote:
Lol, would 63 views to this thread with no reply be the digital equivalent of this phenomena? :lol:

Possibly so!

swbluto wrote:
I noticed that whenever a small-to-medium sized group of 'normal people' (Let's say, less than 10) are gathered and they're chit-chatting away and I enter the room, the room suddenly goes quiet and everybody is observing every move I make ...
I intuitively know that it's an "An outsider is in our midst" reaction and I think it's kind of annoying.

I think the so-called "herd instinct" can have an impact, and I think it often happens quite subconsciously. In my own case, someone posted this to me on another board just yesterday ...

(someone else) wrote:
Holy crap, lee. When you post ... use the same words and phrases the rest of us are familiar with!

For whatever reason or reasons, I apparently represent some of kind of threat to their overall well-being ...

... and yet all I am actually doing is provoking a bit of thought.


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Artfuljin
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17 Aug 2011, 10:23 am

this happened to me one time when visiting some old friends and they had other people over made me feel real bad so i just broke it of with them all together



Mdyar
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17 Aug 2011, 10:38 am

swbluto wrote:
I noticed that whenever a small-to-medium sized group of 'normal people' (Let's say, less than 10) are gathered and they're chit-chatting away and I enter the room, the room suddenly goes quiet and everybody is observing every move I make. It doesn't particularly bother me at the time it happens, but I kind of wonder if this happens to other aspies because I swear this never happens when someone else enters the room. I intuitively know that it's an "An outsider is in our midst" reaction and I think it's kind of annoying.


I'd say yes/no for myself. People that know you/me, well enough, then no, unless they are "uncomfortable" as 'don't mesh' - (personality conflicts).

And If you're hard to read or "know" then they don't reveal, they 'guard up' themselves. You are not one of them. Even here you can find the exception where someone will approach or question you, maybe just out of courtesy to open you up- been here- or on a fact finding mission to know your colors.



LostUndergrad9090
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17 Aug 2011, 11:10 am

yes it and always happens when this certain person is around. this guy like wants my head or something, always find something to put me down.



TheygoMew
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17 Aug 2011, 11:15 am

Yes.

I also walked in on a conversation with the group asking who likes me.

Out of at least 10 people, only one said yes.



b9
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17 Aug 2011, 11:27 am

Quote:
Does everybody go silent when you're around?


if i enter the "tea room" in an ebullient state (a privately attained state), then people do tend to ablate their conversations with each other.

they seem to want to hear what i have to say, but they also seem to dislike most of what i say.

it is a curious situation really. you would think they would learn that every time i open my mouth, i disappoint their expectations of what i was going to say, so you would expect that their eagerness to hear what i have to say would diminish with time, but the attention from them never seems to wane.



theWanderer
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17 Aug 2011, 1:25 pm

swbluto wrote:
I noticed that whenever a small-to-medium sized group of 'normal people' (Let's say, less than 10) are gathered and they're chit-chatting away and I enter the room, the room suddenly goes quiet and everybody is observing every move I make. It doesn't particularly bother me at the time it happens, but I kind of wonder if this happens to other aspies because I swear this never happens when someone else enters the room. I intuitively know that it's an "An outsider is in our midst" reaction and I think it's kind of annoying.


Yes, I think this happens to a lot of us, and it is an "An outsider is in our midst" reaction - but I only really worry when they start picking up the torches and the pitchforks... :wink: Other than that, if they feel that way, I probably don't want much to do with them, anyway.


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OddFinn
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17 Aug 2011, 1:30 pm

Ehm... I don't pay attention to any chit-chat, so I can't really know.


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SammichEater
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17 Aug 2011, 1:33 pm

OddFinn wrote:
Ehm... I don't pay attention to any chit-chat, so I can't really know.


This.


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Artros
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17 Aug 2011, 5:14 pm

I have never really observed this. It likely means they were talking about you, though.


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ParadoxicalVoid
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17 Aug 2011, 5:47 pm

I don't find myself in many situations where I'm near a group of people, but I have noticed that some people are kind of put of by my demeanor, in general. It's really frustrating. I'm also very self-conscious, and it really bothers me when someone doesn't like me for a reason unknown to me.



y-pod
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17 Aug 2011, 7:37 pm

I don't notice that. I seem to be rather invisible and easily ignored.

I only communicate OK with one person a time, more than that I start wandering off. It feels like if you two are having a conversation I don't want to intrude. Instinctively I don't think it's possible to have a good conversation when there's another person there.


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Lightning88
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17 Aug 2011, 7:46 pm

Ugh, I hate when that happens!! When I'm just standing there, not doing anything at all, people tend to enjoy walking right past me just staring the heck out of me. It's so freaking rude! I'm not sure if they're even aware they're doing it half the time, but my first instinct is to not even look at others that aren't doing anything. So why do they do the opposite?



ooOoOoOAnaOoOoOoo
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17 Aug 2011, 11:01 pm

swbluto wrote:
I noticed that whenever a small-to-medium sized group of 'normal people' (Let's say, less than 10) are gathered and they're chit-chatting away and I enter the room, the room suddenly goes quiet and everybody is observing every move I make. It doesn't particularly bother me at the time it happens, but I kind of wonder if this happens to other aspies because I swear this never happens when someone else enters the room. I intuitively know that it's an "An outsider is in our midst" reaction and I think it's kind of annoying.

I wouldn't have pegged you for that type of guy, the kind that stuns everyone into silence. Are you sure they aren't talking about you? Are these people you know, aquaintances or strangers?

Most the time it's me who goes silent in a room full of people. They tend to ignore me.