How can I show her I love her and bring things back to befor

Post Reply New Topic

I love her so, so such.

We met in a physiatric ward. I got admitted there for severe depression because I tried to kill myself a couple of times and she got admitted there for pretty much the same reason. So yeah, it was pretty much love at first sight for both of us. She's such an amazing person and we've got so much in common, we're both vegetarians, we're both against war and war games, we both love animals, we've got pretty much an identical taste in music and film, we both like being creative and doing art, and we both behave in a similar way. She's really amazing.

She kept asking how I was and said stuff like "I like your shirt" even when the shirt I was waring was just plain black, so I guess that's when I started to realize she liked me too. She kept smiling at me and we talked a lot so I ended up asking her out to the park with me and yeah she seemed very happy that I asked her and said she was really looking forward to it, which was just fantastic. I really got to like her.

The time we had at the park was just fantastic, and we ended sitting next to each other on a bench. I asked her if she liked anyone and she said yes but she didn't know if he liked her, so I asked her how long she knew him and asked her if they had similar taste in music, she said yes he does so I asked her if that person was me. She nodded. We got very close to kissing, but she said she wanted us to get to know each other better first. It was a great moment nonetheless, I got so happy afterwards I think I've never been as happy in my life. We were going to go to a beach after that but she got a text off her mum saying she wanted her to come home. It's the first time anyone's ever liked me in that way, I guess that's just because I'm really odd and am difficult to talk to, I've got Asperger's Syndrome and plus I always view myself as really unattractive and ugly, though I guess that might just be my paranoia.

We were so, so happy together it was unbelievable. She kept sending me really nice texts like 'I wish I met you earlier' 'I wish I could be with you now' 'I wouldn't have needed anti-depressants if I met you earlier' 'I hate it when you're upset.' 'I'm smiling so much every tTimeI go downstairs my mum looks at me suspiciously because I generally can't stop smiling.' 'I really like you too.' 'You're an amazing person.' You're so sweet.' 'I'll be smiling as soon as I next see you.' I've never met anyone with such awesome taste in music.' 'I loved the time we had in the park.', 'I really want to get closer to you too.' etc. It was fantastic, and I just loved seeing her smile as well. We planned to meet again to go to the beach but unfortunately she couldn't make it.

When we got to know each other a bit better I was planning to kiss her one week (if it was okay with her of course) but I feel like the unluckiest person in the world because on that week I got a coldsore so I obviously couldn't kiss her without giving her the virus and I also had a fungus infection in both of my ears so I couldn't even have a proper conversation with her as I could barley hear a thing.

When all that finally healed she uunfortunatelywas going through a really bad time and I felt really bad for her and just wanted her to feel better and hated her being upset, so I kept asking her what was up so I could try to help her... but then things started to fall apart, she said it was personal and told me to stop asking her personal questions and seemed really angry with me, so I just got really, really upset over it. I asked if it was anything to do with me, she said no, I think it was a problem with her ffamily

She said she just wanted to be friends for the time being and then she what happens afterwards and said she didn't want to go to the beach with me at that time because she said she wanted to fix problems before making them. Then I went and messed things up even more because I had a kind of complete break down and was really selfish because once after she told me to go away I self harmed and then I went to her room and tried to talk to her and said she made me feel suicidal and even showed her the cuts I made which was really really selfish of me so she hated me after that and she blocked me from Facebook and told me to never contact her again saying I was the most selfish person she'd ever met, which hurt so unbelievably much. I love her to bits.

I very nearly succeeded in killing myself after that, but I didn't and she ended up finding out, and she phoned me, which was really respectful of her. She wished me a happy bbirthdayand said she'd promise to think about being friends with me again in the future if I promise to keep myself safe, so this made me feel a lot better.

... but it now says on Facebook she's in a relationship, and I'm feeling sseverelydepressed again... I'm literally shaking as I'm typing this, I'm really feeling like I'm in agony, even with all the anti-depressants. I'm tired sick of people telling me to move on. I love her. I can't be with anyone but her... we were just perfect together. I love her.

Last edited by robo37 on 21 Aug 2011, 1:52 pm, edited 2 times in total.

She doesn't love you. I'm sorry.

You've searched in your head every way you can think of to get back what you had, and you're hoping we can think of something you didn't. Some scheme, some plan, some method of getting her the way you want her. But there really isn't. She may be being influenced by her parents, who don't want her involved with someone she met at 'that place'. Maybe her doctor said not to get involved with anyone right now. Or maybe she didn't like you as much as you thought she did. In any event, she's offering you her friendship, which puts your foot in the door for something more further down the road. If you care for her as much as you say, then accept what she's offering you now, and put your focus back on YOU. She can't fix you, and neither can we. You have to decide you're worth fixing, with or without the girl.

Just because you're "tired sick" of hearing it doesn't mean it's not good advice.

and the idea that you couldn't be "with anyone but her" is nonsense too - yes, you seemed to be very compatible but there's plenty of other people out there who you are as just as (or more) compatible with than her. You'll never find that person if you don't move on though.

I know it's extremely difficult, I have gone through enough unrequited love situations to know this very well.

A psychological trick that seems to work really well with me is to focus on the things you didn't like about her - and don't tell me there weren't any, nobody's perfect - this can go a long way towards "breaking the spell" and getting a more realistic/healthy view of the situation.

Good luck! I hope things get better for you soon...

I agree with sacrib.
You can't force love and if you really care you would give her the freedom she wants to be happy.
What if she only feels guilty for your suicidal attempt and that's the reason why she offered you her friendship. I'm sorry, but rejection turns into obsession sometimes. It's often that people don't reject someone else in person, it's mostly that they reject their behaviour and feel harassed and threatened by it. That can turn into a cycle and both parts suffer from that. You probably don't even realise that so find out why you act that way and read this book:

Obsessive love - when it hurts too much to let go (written by Susan Forward)

You need at first to fix your own problems and to find out that you can live without being emotionally dependent on someone else. Love is built upon trust and mutual respect and the freedom to choose each other without threats. If you go on that way you will destroy everything if there really was something between you both.
I know that sounds harshly but I just wish to open your eyes and give you some support by this book.

and she loved you, too. However, love is not static, she changed and so did the dynamic of love. Now you know you have the capacity to love, which is a wonderful thing and

Love arises from within, and though SHE was the object of that love, she is/was not that love. You know that, because even though you feel the love, she does not. So how can she be the source of that love? no, the love imminates from you, my friend. Now you know why love songs and great works of art are made - and why lovers cry. It doesn't make it any less a heartache, though. . . does it! I wish you well.

Plaisir d'amour ne dure qu'un moment
chagrin d'amour dure toute la vie.

The joys of love are but a moment long,
the pain of love endures the whole life long.

Your eyes kissed mine, I saw the love in them shine,
you brought me heaven right then when your eyes kissed mine.

My love loves me, and all the wonders I see,
a rainbow shines in my window, my love loves me.

And now he is gone, like a dream that fades into dawn,
but the words stay locked in my heart-strings, "My love loves me".

Plaisir d'amour

I can't see anything wrong with the person I fell for other than she was a bit immature, I can't even anyone interesting other than her...like everyone looks boring...

Can't say it any better than this. I've been dumped by a girl that helped change my life, and it wasn't fun at all. But I remember with the first kinda-girlfriend I ever had, I thought about her all the time and thought I loved her. But after it ended (it hardly started, so I can't really say ended) and some time passed, I realized I didn't care for her as much as I thought. I thought I loved her because she was the first girl to ever really like me and want to try something out, and after the issues I had earlier in my life I sort of latched onto her. Love is a tricky thing, and while it is fun you don't have to stay in control of your feelings. It may be that you never cared for her as who she was as much as you thought, and cared for her a lot more because she was the first one to care for you.

I think you need to take a time out here to put things in perspective and let the situation cool off.

Both of you are struggling with depression and have poor problem management skills, and I think you should work on improving your ability to cope in negative situations before moving on to a relationship so you both don't default to trying to kill yourself every time things get difficult. This is what she might be trying to do, get herself to a point where she can cope with problems better and handle a relationship (I'm willing to bet she isn't in one and just set her facebook status how she did so she has some space to figure things out)

When you find yourself upset enough such that you want to harm yourself, you need to make a conscious effort to remind yourself that this feeling will pass, and you shouldn't make any big choices at the moment one way or another. What you should do is something benign to dissipate the energy. Go for a walk or a run. A long one if you must. Go lift weights at the gym. Go see a movie, get a good nights sleep, and then, the next day when you have a better perspective and can think logically, try to think of ways you can address the situation.

Right now, she's going through a difficult time and she wants some space. Ok. No big deal. It doesn't mean it's over forever. Just let the relationship sit for a while and maybe you can get back to it later when both of you are better able to handle things.

Her relationship status actually links to a boy's Facebook acount.

So does my male cousin's relationship status, account but he's not gay.

But what if she were in a relationship with this guy? Is this going to be permanent? Probably not. Most relationships, especially when people are young or struggle with personal problems, are temporary.

Do you absolutely never have a chance at a relationship with her again? Unless you have really worked hard at driving her away, you probably haven't destroyed all opportunities of having a relationship with her in the future. I kind of doubt what you did was sufficient enough to seal your fate because she struggles with the same problems.

Not all things are written in stone. What that means is, not all situations in life are permanent and ever lasting.

That changes. It always does. I can say for 100% fact. The infatuation eventually moves onto someone else and you realised you wern't thinking clearly before. That's what "blinded" by love means. Well, it's actually blinded by infatuation.

I felt like that about the guy I liked at 15.. then the one I liked at 16.. then the one I liked at 22.. and it goes on and on.

Thread author: Don't get your hopes up about her facebook status. You need to move on. Its hard and takes time, very painful. But you have to do it. You can't keep living in denial or dellusion.

If you find the answer, let me know. I am wanting to know the answer myself.

I think someone's showed her this thread. She said 'I know what you've said. Don't act innocent.' I honestly do not want to live any more.

Maybe because you mentioned her name right here?

Is there some part of the story you didn't tell us? It sounds like she thinks you did something wrong.

No.