aspergers and depression

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I was diagnosed a few months ago. At first it was a welcome relief, confirmation of what was suspected. But as I've been reading and learning more about it, I'm beginning to recognize that its not just a smattering of symptoms, its a lot of things in my day to day life. I have mild face blindness (strangers only, like at my job), sometimes I feel like my arms and legs are out of sync (poor coordination), and most of all I've been noticing my constant solitude except for work is beginning to develop into depression. I'm grieving for the person I hoped to be, a normal person. That's why I got sober after six years of severe alcoholism, (and drug use and suicide attempts), so I could get my act together and become someone with a life and attainable goals and a wide circle of friends. I'm realizing things aren't going to get any easier. Even though on the outside I appear very normal, boys think I'm pretty but somehow I've never managed to have a functional relationship. I'm scared for myself...I don't want to drink again or sink back into depression. I live alone and I do nothing but work and sit home. I want to do so much more but I don't know how and I don't want to do it alone. I think part of it is that I am a separated twin, and no my sister is not a part of my life even though we both want to be. I am so tired of having no one to talk to, and normal (NTs) ppl talk to me for a bit, but I know I come off as slightly odd after several weeks. I live near a bridge and last night the idea came to me to jump off it, but I don't think the drop would kill me cuz its over water....I'm not going to do it....but thoughts like that tell me I'm not doing so well, its a warning sign. I'm currently on a waiting list for a therapist who works with aspergers. I'm so so tired of being alone. I'm. Starting to get sad all the time and morose again. Can any of you who have felt like this give me any advice? Honestly I don't know what to do without alcohol anymore, I don't know how to cope (not that drinking was coping). Here is my email sndrsemilyataoldotcom. any replies would be greatly appreciated. I'm just sittin at home on my day of (AGAIN) trying to stay sane.

12-Step fellowships are good way to meet people if you are a recovering addict or alcoholic. Have you ever considered joining AA? I offer this advise because I would not have any friends if it weren't for being a part of 12-Step fellowships. I started going because I was court-ordered. I stayed because I realized I needed support to stay clean, but after being a member for several years, I realize it has helped me tremendously with my social issues.

Warning: This should go without saying, but there are some crazy people at AA meetings so be careful who you befriend. Be even more careful about who you date. People with addiction problems tend to have emotional problems even after they stop drinking or using. Try to find people who continue to work on themselves, not the ones who think alcohol or drugs are the only problem.

Also, good look with finding a therapist. That helps a lot too.

Thanks ill think about it but I did AA for so long, I went through five sponsors, I met lots of dysfunctional people who I'm lucky didn't drag me down with them, and I met a lot of seemingly sincere people who offered friendhsip which didn't pan out. Many people have a life and go to AA just for addiction support, not to make new friends and I met most of the people like that. Plus I think it s telling that I have been sober for a year and three months, which began only after I QUIT aa so I don't know if it was aa in general or just the ones near me...the big book bored me to tears. I like the mark lundholm videos if you've seen those the ex addict bald stand up funny guy.......thanks for your reply

When I was younger, I had hopes and dreams. I always had problems, but for a while during early adulthood, I thought I was making some progress and having some success. But the problems continued to mount, until I was eventually overwhelmed by them. It was around that time that I found out about Autism Spectrum Disorders / Pervasive Developmental Disorders. I can still remember that earlier time, when I had hope that my hard work would pay off and things would get better, but thinking about it only depresses me, so I try to do other things.

From time to time I come across a story about someone with ASD/PDD who has done something special or amazing. Much of my time and energy is consumed by just trying to get by in this world. I often feel like a failure as a human being --not only do I struggle to do, and often fail at, the things "normal" people do, but I have not done anything great or special either-- and I wish I had died a long, long time ago. But thinking that way does not help, so I try to do other things, like work on my "special interest". Eventually I am bound to die from something. Until then, I might as well occupy my time by doing something I find interesting.

Anyway, for some more concrete suggestions, you might want to try these old threads:
"Ways of Coping with Your Depression and Building Self Esteem"
http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt70427.html
"Alcohol and Substance Abuse Counselling Thread"
http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt30990.html