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CaptainTrips222
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23 Aug 2011, 11:17 pm

In your experience, have you ever come across aspies with very cliquey mind sets? By that, I mean they do whatever is necessary to ingratiate themselves with the insiders, and kinda shun or ignore those those the group doesn't pay attention to.

You can be honest- have YOU done that? I have. I was really young, but I still did.

I think aspies experience social rejection more often than NTs (geez, the ground is hard, the sky is blue, the moon's a moon, etc.) so I'd hope they'd be more mindful of shunning people for no reason, but do you have a cliquey aspie story to share?



ooOoOoOAnaOoOoOoo
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23 Aug 2011, 11:25 pm

I do the exact opposite - befriend the one noone in the group can stand and suffer the consequences.

Sometimes the group will have a change of heart and accept the one they didn't warm up to before. They all shun me then.

I try to be cliquey with outsiders and the unpopular but it tends to backfire.



mglosenger
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23 Aug 2011, 11:26 pm

I did that a few times I can remember in grade/middle/high school.. basically bullying people when I saw other people doing it, jumping on the bandwagon. In hindsight I feel bad about it. I was very insecure and thought that by joining in these people would like me. Of course, the type of people that bully others are horrible friends, if they're ever really friends at all, but it took me a while to figure that out :)

I believe I did it because I felt alone and desperate to be part of some sort of group of friends. Somehow it didn't occur to me that mocking other people makes no sense on any level. I guess that's part of living life, is learning these things.. for me anyway if not everyone



SammichEater
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23 Aug 2011, 11:27 pm

I'm the person who doesn't even notice the cliques.


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johnsmcjohn
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23 Aug 2011, 11:36 pm

When I was in highschool I was aware that there were cliques but I cannot remember being able to point any out(besides the blindingly obvious ones, band geeks, goths, etc.).


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mglosenger
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23 Aug 2011, 11:43 pm

I dimly recall there being cliques in high school but yet I can only remember one or two people from one or two cliques.. our HS did seem bizarrely divided along racial lines, particularly at the cafeteria where all the asian-looking people would eat together, all the african-looking, all the white-looking.. I almost entirely avoided the cafeteria after the first few weeks of freshman year, though..

I must not have paid attention to socialization in general in HS, because I can remember almost no specifics.. I recall thinking at the time that I was paying attention, though.. but all I have is vague 'football' (3 people?), 'computer club' (I was in it with about 6 other people), and .. that's it.. and thinking of it now, I really didn't know many people in high school, definitely not deeply, yet it had about 1200 students.. memory.. magical



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23 Aug 2011, 11:45 pm

I can't say with 100% certainty that I've never pointlessly shunned someone, because I do have black and white moments where x=bad, end of story. However, I've never gone out of my way to fit in with any group. And, I never get when I'm "supposed" to not like someone. I'm always taken by surprise when someone speaks badly of another person, even if I'm aware of their faults.



mglosenger
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23 Aug 2011, 11:50 pm

I think poorly of some people, but I never voice my opinion, even when other people say the same basic thing as I've been thinking. Whether this makes me a liar or a very nice person or a fool or all 3 I will leave up to the committee(s) to decide. I can't explain my own behavior, though. And this might be technically off topic :)



Apple_in_my_Eye
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23 Aug 2011, 11:50 pm

I have definitely run across it. Rejection from groups unfortunately doesn't necessarily make a person more aware of when they're being cliquey themselves. In fact, lack of experience may make them much worse about it than normal, once they are part of a group and have that power.

Some people are very good to friends, but couldn't care less if the rest of the world dropped dead -- including their friend's friend's, who they don't like (they way that works out will sure tell you where stand with someone).

That and other things have made me extremely cynical about people, and if given the chance I could well be cliquey (I can see the appeal), and at this point might not care (the "I've been screwed before, so I don't care if I screw you. Life is hard, so: tough ****" excuse). The world's a harsh, awful place, and people are worse.



Chronos
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23 Aug 2011, 11:59 pm

CaptainTrips222 wrote:
In your experience, have you ever come across aspies with very cliquey mind sets? By that, I mean they do whatever is necessary to ingratiate themselves with the insiders, and kinda shun or ignore those those the group doesn't pay attention to.

You can be honest- have YOU done that? I have. I was really young, but I still did.

I think aspies experience social rejection more often than NTs (geez, the ground is hard, the sky is blue, the moon's a moon, etc.) so I'd hope they'd be more mindful of shunning people for no reason, but do you have a cliquey aspie story to share?


There are individuals with AS who effectively shun those who are self-diagnosed, which personally I think is deplorable for them to do.



CaptainTrips222
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24 Aug 2011, 12:25 am

Chronos wrote:
CaptainTrips222 wrote:
In your experience, have you ever come across aspies with very cliquey mind sets? By that, I mean they do whatever is necessary to ingratiate themselves with the insiders, and kinda shun or ignore those those the group doesn't pay attention to.

You can be honest- have YOU done that? I have. I was really young, but I still did.

I think aspies experience social rejection more often than NTs (geez, the ground is hard, the sky is blue, the moon's a moon, etc.) so I'd hope they'd be more mindful of shunning people for no reason, but do you have a cliquey aspie story to share?


There are individuals with AS who effectively shun those who are self-diagnosed, which personally I think is deplorable for them to do.


Why would they do that? Having a DX of diabetes doesn't make you better than someone who has to watch their sugar intake.



MakaylaTheAspie
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24 Aug 2011, 12:27 am

When I hear the word clique, the first word that comes to mind is "avoid".


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Chronos
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24 Aug 2011, 12:38 am

CaptainTrips222 wrote:
Chronos wrote:
CaptainTrips222 wrote:
In your experience, have you ever come across aspies with very cliquey mind sets? By that, I mean they do whatever is necessary to ingratiate themselves with the insiders, and kinda shun or ignore those those the group doesn't pay attention to.

You can be honest- have YOU done that? I have. I was really young, but I still did.

I think aspies experience social rejection more often than NTs (geez, the ground is hard, the sky is blue, the moon's a moon, etc.) so I'd hope they'd be more mindful of shunning people for no reason, but do you have a cliquey aspie story to share?


There are individuals with AS who effectively shun those who are self-diagnosed, which personally I think is deplorable for them to do.


Why would they do that? Having a DX of diabetes doesn't make you better than someone who has to watch their sugar intake.


I don't understand cliques one way or another.



Surfman
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24 Aug 2011, 1:06 am

Meh, a thread started today was full of ugly group speak, comments like 'do us all a favour and punch them in the face'

I once started a thread 'The rise of fascism on WP'

I promised myself to limit my time here as I have work to do, and this ugly mindset is also a reason why.



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24 Aug 2011, 1:20 am

I was usually the one being shunned by all the other kids at school so I never got the oppurtunity to be very cliqueish(can't figure out how I should spell that).