Understanding an emotion

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I'm probably about to reveal myself as much stranger than previously thought but....

I've never experienced jealousy. I don't understand this emotion at all. I've begun to think I'm simply not capable of it.

Don't get me wrong, I feel negative emotions when I see something I want and can't have, but I've never felt that rage against someone else that does have it.

Is there anyone here that can shed some light on this for me?

not really aside from the fact that i understand you.
jelousy is a strange beast, and based on the drive for posession, having more then the next person.
since i myself dont really care about what others have, as long as i have enough for my own needs, i dont experience jelousy either; i'm perfectly happy in the mediocores, and if i want to improve something, i work for it

I'm confused, could we define jealousy?

I thought that it was simply wanting what the other person had, and feeling sad because of it.

I never actually disliked the person who had their stuff. It's not their fault that my family are poor and a bunch of morons.

Or if that's taking the thread off topic, just ignore this

I am a very jealous person, jealous of healthy people, people sicker then me, normal people etc.

not much else to it, it's a horrible thing and you are fortunate..and I am now jealous of you!

Let's imagine a girl (Anna) and a boy (Ben) are in a relationship with each other. Let's also imagine that Anna is hopeless at flirting. Then, another girl (Charlotte) falls in love with Ben and successfully flirts with him while in the presence of Anna. Outraged, Anna yells "HANDS OFF MY BOYFRIEND!! !!" This feeling of outrage is jealousy. Anna is jealous of Charlotte, because Charlotte is getting Ben's attention, which threatens Anna and Ben's relationship. Anna is probably also envious, in that she wishes she had Charlotte's flirting skills. Basically, envy is wanting something you don't have and jealousy is what you feel when the existence of something you do have is threatened. In practise, there is some overlap between the two and people use the word "jealousy" to mean both jealousy and envy. Wikipedia has a detailed article on it.

Incidentally, I recently felt jealous of a friend I'm not romantically interested in, when seeing a photo of her and one of her male friends in a non-romantic hug. It was completely out of the blue and I still don't know why I felt that way. That was strange.

I've written about this before - I don't get jealous either. It's got me into trouble too as I've told someone something about myself, not expecting them to think I was bragging, and they've become jealous. I'd no idea that would happen, as I wouldn't feel like that, if they'd told me the same thing. Also, I've often been the object of someone else's jealousy. At the moment, I'm a stay at home mum and not struggling financially and a lot of the mums find that hard to take, as they'd love to do it as well, but can't afford it. But, the only reason I can do it is because I'm much older than most of them (which they don't realise) as I had fertility problems and I spent my salary wisely before our daughter was born. They seem to think my husband has a wonderfully paid job (and tell me that I'm lucky) even though some of their husbands earn way more than mine (police, teachers, etc - starting salaries for professional public jobs are highly publicised). People tend to make too many assumptions. I think that's one way in which I and many others on here differ. I see someone with a huge house and several cars and think, OK it's nice but maybe they had to work extra hard to pay for it all, maybe they had to sacrifice a lot of time with their family, maybe they deal drugs in their spare time (I know a few like that), maybe they aren't actually happy, who knows, I don't.

People are people. I can be quite jealous/envy too, although on cognitive level I think I'm less envy than others usually are. Also, to an extent, jealousness can boost your motivation in a sense of "What others can do I can do too".

I never hate people for being healthier, having higher social status, or possessing more. I would be better off seeing more happiness around me in general, and part of it would be people placing less importance on possession. I consider stability and emotional relatedness more important than having more in a material sense.

I have never been jealous of anyone. When someone has an object I want I don't begrudge them for having it, I think what I need to do to get it. I think jealousy is a very immature emotion that people feel when they can't express anything better. But that's just my opinion.

This is me exactly. For example, a mum I know told me yesterday that she's sending her 2 daughters to an £8k a year private school. I'd also looked at that school (the small class sizes might have been better for my daughter's concentration issues), but I would definitely have needed to go back to work. If I had my old job back, on a part-time basis, all of my salary would be going on school fees, so I decided against it. She works and is having to make other financial sacrifices to afford it. I'm not upset about my situation, I made the decision and can remake it, if I want to.

Not as strange as you think. I'm not sure I've ever experienced jealousy either. At least not in any way that I've seen it explained in others. I can be envious of others, but this doesn't spawn any dark revenge fantasies or anything. It usually just makes me feel inadequate.

I understand the textbook definition. I wanted to understand what it's like and why people feel it.

I've been in a similar situation to the one you outlined and didn't react the way Anna did.

Yes, I've felt this way too. I have felt inadequate or sad as well, but never negative emotions against the person that has something I want.

The person that has the coveted object or privilege (i.e., a position at work that I thought I had earned) can be a reminder of what you want but don't have. You can feel the loss of it every time you see that person.... and that will make you not enjoy that person's presence. Or existence, when you get right down to it.

Romantic jealousy... I don't feel much of it. My sweetie feels rather a lot of it. This makes life... interesting.

meh. deleted.

Last edited by YellowBanana on 24 Aug 2011, 5:50 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Maybe it's just my bad memory, then. ^_^

I worked for our local social work dept. One of my colleagues got a job I'd wanted, as I'd completely flunked the interview. To add insult to injury, she was now member of a team that I provided admin support to. I didn't feel jealous of her at all, but her supervisor was passing jobs to me that she should have been passing to the new post holder instead (stuff which wasn't admin). I didn't like to complain as it would look like sour grapes. After I left to have my baby, I was on an art course. There were several people on the course who knew the girl, on a professional basis (physical disability service users). They were all speaking about how she was completely out of her depth and didn't have a clue about what she was doing and that they felt sorry for her. I thought, that was a lucky escape for me, as I would probably have been the same.