Why do some women suddenly bring up that they have a bf?

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Alienboy
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25 Aug 2011, 12:32 pm

I can understand when I am obviously checking out a girl(which I don't really do anymore) and they notice and we are talking or they are talking with someone else and I am not far away from them, they will indirectly let me know they are not available by saying something like this: "oh yeah I enjoy this and me and my bf blah blah blah..." I can totally understand this, but there are situations where it is just completely uncalled for. Right now I am taking this Psychology 2 course and this stupid young woman sits next to me and I can tell she thinks she is hot stuff. Anyway, I have zero interest in her and I am completely focused on the lectures and taking notes because I want to get a good grade in the course and when I do look at her(which was maybe only 2 times) I didn't smile and I surely wasn't checking her out at all. Then the teacher asked the class what things stress us out and people were like school, homework, work, etc, and this stupid girl was like school...and my bf. She actually paused and then said her bf. Wow how ridiculous. I think the teacher realized she was trying to act like she is something special and he quickly shot her down by saying: "Well as a psychologist, I can tell you right now that if your bf is causing you stress he isn't the right guy for you." That was just awesome because he kind of embarrassed her and made her feel a little stupid because people were laughing and snickering....some with her and the teacher, but some definitely at her expense. Anyway, I want some opinions from you people on here and especially women PLEASE explain to me why do some women do stuff like this? I am thinking it could be one of these 3 reasons but these are just my guesses:

1. She is just trying to show off to the whole class because she has a bf/thinks she is hot and is just young and immature.
2. She was somehow creeped out by me being the way I am even though I wasn't showing any interest.
3. Possibly trying to get my attention or attention from other guys by mentioning that things with her current bf weren't working out.

I am trying not to be a negative person, but it is really frustrating when I am around people like this. I am assuming that it is most likely reason 1 or 2 and possibly both. Can any of the women on here please let me know what sounds the most accurate to you? Also, why do women say this stuff even when you are not interested???



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25 Aug 2011, 12:43 pm

Doubt it was you. You know how a lot of movies have scenes where a crowd watches and gives some reaction to a personal moment between two people and for some reason the writers think it's necessary and apparently a lot of people watching do too? Taken to the extreme which it often is it's somehow broadcast to a mass number of people?

People seem to generally need external validation for things to seem real. Maybe this was a chance for her to say to the world "I am eighteen (or whatever age), I have a boyfriend, and he causes me stress." And see their reaction. So I guess that would be one and three on your list but she probably isn't even doing it with any kind of intent, just the feeling she had to do it.



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25 Aug 2011, 12:48 pm

They always assume you're checking them out even if you aren't. I'll bet she thought you were sitting in that seat to be near her even if every other seat was taken when you came in. :roll:



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25 Aug 2011, 12:58 pm

It could have been her way of making a joke. I doubt she said it because of you. From what you described, you and her do not notice each other.

Maybe her and he argue a lot.



Princess78
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25 Aug 2011, 1:16 pm

I doubt if it had anything to do with you. Maybe she was trying to contribute something to the discussion to prove the professor's point. Or maybe she sat near you not because she was interested in you, but because the room was full and there was no other place to sit. Don't take it so personally. There's really no definite answer to this question. You're probably just reading too much into it.



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25 Aug 2011, 1:18 pm

You're way overthinking this. It has nothing to do with you. She's a young insecure girl that is really into her bf. She mentions him for two reason: a)she's really into him so she wants to talk about him at every opportunity, she probably never shuts up about him in private conversation. b)she's insecure so she wants to talk about him at every opportunity so everyone will know she has a bf and is therefore worth having. There's probably a third option c) she's very self consumed. The hotter they are, or think they are, the deeper the insecurities. It really makes no sense to me, it seems the 'hot' people would have tons of confidence and self esteem. But having all that attention poured on them their whole life just seems to make them need outside validation that much more.



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25 Aug 2011, 1:22 pm

Why do some women suddenly bring up that they have a boyfriend?

Just a few wild guesses, but maybe...

... they've determined that you are not boyfriend material.

... they want to keep you at a social distance.

... they enjoy knowing that you are interested.

... they enjoy taunting you with the fact that you can't have them.

... they have a boyfriend, and are proud of it.


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25 Aug 2011, 1:23 pm

What about that: Maybe she was hoping her teacher offers her advice and takes her seriously - the pause made it looks like she really has some problems. I don't think it had something to do with you and I don't find it funny if people get embarrassed because they say something and others starts snickering and laughing.
In a different context than the one you described there I would say if a woman says she has a boyfriend she tries to draw a line before things turn out complicated and that's fair and honest in my opinion.



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25 Aug 2011, 1:32 pm

People like to complain about things that stress them out. Actually, she might have just said it for the sake of saying she had a boyfriend, it may have had absolutely nothing to do with you. For all you know, her boyfriend beats her or something. I agree with fallen_angel, it's possible she really wanted advice about her boyfriend.

People say and do things with no explanation all the time, just because that's the inherent nature of people. Take things like that with the proverbial grain of salt and not worry about it, though it is quite annoying if you aren't interested and they do that. :x


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Alienboy
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25 Aug 2011, 2:09 pm

Ok well so far very good responses to this. I will add that she was sitting there first and then I came and sat next to her...but not because of her, but because it was the only open seat in the very front row in the middle of the class and I sat there to focus and so I can clearly read the board for taking good notes. I figured by my intense focus during the entire lesson she should have realized that is why I was sitting there and that it has absolutely nothing to do with her. I guess since she probably thinks she is hot stuff, she is just pretending that the reason I sat there was to be next to her who knows. She could have brought up her bf for a more serious reason, but we will never know I guess. All I know is I will not be looking her away ever again just to make sure she gets the point.



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25 Aug 2011, 2:16 pm

I realize I wasn't there. but you are putting yourself into the equation when you don't belong there. I can only see this because I do it too. You are taking something personal that has nothing to do with you. Something going on inside her caused her to make that comment. Some baggage she has, some insecurity she probably can't even put her finger on. Don't sweat it.



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25 Aug 2011, 2:28 pm

'sigh' There are some girls that do that.



ooOoOoOAnaOoOoOoo
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25 Aug 2011, 2:29 pm

Alienboy wrote:
Ok well so far very good responses to this. I will add that she was sitting there first and then I came and sat next to her...but not because of her, but because it was the only open seat in the very front row in the middle of the class and I sat there to focus and so I can clearly read the board for taking good notes. I figured by my intense focus during the entire lesson she should have realized that is why I was sitting there and that it has absolutely nothing to do with her. I guess since she probably thinks she is hot stuff, she is just pretending that the reason I sat there was to be next to her who knows. She could have brought up her bf for a more serious reason, but we will never know I guess. All I know is I will not be looking her away ever again just to make sure she gets the point.


How do you know she thinks she is hot stuff and that she thinks you sat there just to be near her?



Last edited by ooOoOoOAnaOoOoOoo on 25 Aug 2011, 3:02 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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25 Aug 2011, 2:30 pm

Another 'it was probably nothing to do with you' response, but a few thoughts too;

1. To show she's off-the-market.
She may have thought you were coming onto her, or may not have - okay so if she thinks she's 'hot-stuff' she may have arrogantly/delusionally thought you were interested in you, or it could simply be that she's female and you're male. Often men will only be interested in talking to/being near/being friendly to you as a female if they stand a chance of getting in your pants, the vast majority of men are not like this but inevitably it does need to be made clear between females/males that there is no chance of a romantic relationship. Dropping 'My boyfriend' may be an awkward way of making it clear to you - or to other men in the class - that she's unavailable.

2. She was making a joke.
The pause after saying her boyfriend may have been a joke - an intentional pause for dramatic effect - or if may have been a genuine statement that her boyfriend stresses her out...partners normally do that, I know my boyfriend stresses me out...he's annoying and I stress him out too sometimes, it's generally how relationships work, that doesn't make me ridiculous or worthy of being mocked. FYI teacher may also have been making a joke, making a valid point (as many young women stay with partners who are not suitable for them as they base their worth on having a partner).


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25 Aug 2011, 2:58 pm

Fnord wrote:
Why do some women suddenly bring up that they have a boyfriend?

Just a few wild guesses, but maybe...

... they've determined that you are not boyfriend material.

... they want to keep you at a social distance.

... they enjoy knowing that you are interested.

... they enjoy taunting you with the fact that you can't have them.

... they have a boyfriend, and are proud of it.


well, in my case:

... they feel you become too flirty for her tastes and want not to create false hopes

... women ARE often seen worthy only in their relation to men


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Alienboy
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25 Aug 2011, 4:37 pm

Ok I realize that I may not have even been in the equation. I guess there are a number of reasons why she said this and you women on here can relate to her I guess. All I am saying is that IF the reason was to let all the guys know she is taken(including me)...I think that is ridiculous behavior considering that none of the guys(including me) were showing interest in her. So I guess if she is not insecure and immature, then her bringing her bf up was just due to genuine stress.