NT's are so confusing!! !
28 Aug 2011, 2:25 pm
I am a recycling nut (and a science nut), but it seems that my "special interests" are always the joke of our household... they always pretend to toss recyclables in the trash right in front of me for a laugh. My older brother won't even let me take the recyclables out of his garbage can until he is out of the house.
It is like this with all of my interests. I love raccoons, and everyone just talks about "dead raccoons" and "cooked raccoon" in front of me to get a reaction. and they are always trying to tell me I am wring about things I have researched, and when I provide evidence, they go on the defensive. One of my parents even threatened to turn off mythbusters because she hates being wrong. I feel like a raccoon being goggled at behind bars!
But why do NT's act this way? Not all NT's of course, but this is just so confusing! Its hurtful, and they know it, but they pass it off as a "I make fun of you when I like you" type thing.
28 Aug 2011, 3:11 pm
Minimising you is a group bonding process for them.
It reinforces their mind state as good, reinforces your state as bad and worthy of derision.
Mostly bonding through exclusion and group derision of the different.
Its normal for NT.... dont worry about it if you can, its a waste of time
28 Aug 2011, 3:13 pm
They like the way you react. They find it amusing, so they do it again. Their relationship to you is irrelevant to this. They probably don't realise how much it hurts you.
_________________
"Be slow to fall into friendship; but when thou art in, continue firm and constant. " -Socrates
AQ: 40/50
EQ: 17/50
SQ: 72/80 (Extreme Synthesiser)
Aspie test: about 150/200 Aspie, about 40/200 NT
28 Aug 2011, 4:21 pm
I think we've got two different things going on here. NTs "make fun of somebody" when they don't like them, acting like their oddities in an exaggerated way when they are with other people, to make the other people laugh at them, sometimes in the presence of the person they're making fun of, and sometimes in their absence.
"Teasing" on the other hand may well mean they like you, and are "saying" they know you, and know your likes and dislikes: they might say the same thing as that by giving you a birthday present that's a raccoon figurine, but that's more expensive and a special occasion thing. The "teasing" would always be in your presence and directed at you or to you, while the "making fun of" would be directed at or to someone else, whom they would also want to laugh at you (not with you).
swbluto
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28 Aug 2011, 11:20 pm
It is like this with all of my interests. I love raccoons, and everyone just talks about "dead raccoons" and "cooked raccoon" in front of me to get a reaction. and they are always trying to tell me I am wring about things I have researched, and when I provide evidence, they go on the defensive. One of my parents even threatened to turn off mythbusters because she hates being wrong. I feel like a raccoon being goggled at behind bars!
But why do NT's act this way? Not all NT's of course, but this is just so confusing! Its hurtful, and they know it, but they pass it off as a "I make fun of you when I like you" type thing.
They like getting a rise out of you because you easily provide it, and thus, the reward/effort ratio is favorable in your case (Or, not favorable from your perspective.). The fact they argue against you about everything is a matter of imposing their own social power over you, so they likely perceive you either at the bottom of the social totem pole or deserve to be knocked off the social totem pole (i.e., be excluded although I'm guessing "complete exclusion" is probably impractical, so enforcing their power over you is the best, or worst, they can do.). Why that is is unknown to me. Maybe your oddity or oddities set you apart from "the group" and deviations will be not tolerated, which is the typical way of operating for most NTs.
28 Aug 2011, 11:29 pm
It reinforces their mind state as good, reinforces your state as bad and worthy of derision.
Mostly bonding through exclusion and group derision of the different.
Its normal for NT.... dont worry about it if you can, its a waste of time
Great answer! This is so true in all groups. In addition, families like to somehow reach a consensus about each member even though it may not be openly discussed, you know, this one is the pretty one, this one is the mess, this one is the smart one, etc and as time goes on it can be a self fulfilling prophecy. I say bust out in whatever way you can, be you!! You are the way you are for a very good reason!
swbluto
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28 Aug 2011, 11:49 pm
Oh, btw, the fanaticism you have as suggested by this is certainly unusual among NTs, so this would kind of make you a bit odd. (I personally think it's perfectly fine)
29 Aug 2011, 11:48 am
It is like this with all of my interests. I love raccoons, and everyone just talks about "dead raccoons" and "cooked raccoon" in front of me to get a reaction. and they are always trying to tell me I am wring about things I have researched, and when I provide evidence, they go on the defensive. One of my parents even threatened to turn off mythbusters because she hates being wrong. I feel like a raccoon being goggled at behind bars!
But why do NT's act this way? Not all NT's of course, but this is just so confusing! Its hurtful, and they know it, but they pass it off as a "I make fun of you when I like you" type thing.
They do it for two reasons.
1. It makes them laugh. They find their antics quite amusing which is a powerful reinforcement of their behavior.
2. It helps them feel a bond with one another when they are all privy to and sharing the same inside joke.
It's like those old episodes of MASH when Hawkeye and Trapper constantly pick on Frank Burns. Notice how it gives them a deeper connection and brings them closer?
It is annoying when people act like this and I've known a few. You have to give them the message you don't think it's cool when they make fun of you. If they continue anyway, try not to be around them.
29 Aug 2011, 1:30 pm
Iceveela, why don't you just leave your older brother's garbage alone entirely? I'm surprised that your going through it when he _is_ out of the house doesn't provoke an explosion not of the friendly kind. It's like an invasion of his privacy, whether or not you just want recyclables. What if you found something like a used condom in there?
29 Aug 2011, 9:06 pm
It's very likely this in your situation, since it is your family and they love and care about you. This is just the way they are trying to connect with you involving your interests. You need to be honest with them and tell them that you don't really find it as amusing as they do.
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Given a “tentative” diagnosis as a child as I needed services at school for what was later correctly discovered to be a major anxiety disorder.
This misdiagnosis caused me significant stress, which lessened upon finding out the truth about myself from my current and past long-term psychiatrists - that I am a highly sensitive person but do not have an autism spectrum disorder
My diagnoses - anxiety disorder, depression and traits of obsessive-compulsive disorder (all in remission).
I’m no longer involved with the ASD world.
29 Aug 2011, 10:52 pm
Family interaction is not always about connecting and love. Making fun of someone is not good, it is a means for people to feel superior. In the family dynamic it could be about scapegoating, could be mean spirited, could be a lot of things...
The point is: he doesn't like it, that is the only important thing. Learning to like things done to us by trying to figure out the motivation behind it is not valuing yourself. That is what every abuse victim does, make excuses for the abuser.
Tell them you really don't like it, ask them to stop because it hurts you. Their response will tell you much.
swbluto
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30 Aug 2011, 12:08 am
It's very likely this in your situation, since it is your family and they love and care about you. This is just the way they are trying to connect with you involving your interests. You need to be honest with them and tell them that you don't really find it as amusing as they do.
That doesn't explain the constant arguing over trivial things and the position of the OP as can be inferred from the post's tone of voice. I believe taking into account the "whole picture" is key to an accurate assessment.
30 Aug 2011, 7:28 am
"Teasing" on the other hand may well mean they like you, and are "saying" they know you, and know your likes and dislikes: they might say the same thing as that by giving you a birthday present that's a raccoon figurine, but that's more expensive and a special occasion thing. The "teasing" would always be in your presence and directed at you or to you, while the "making fun of" would be directed at or to someone else, whom they would also want to laugh at you (not with you).
Good post. And to extend the second point, I believe in this situation they really don't understand that they are upsetting you, they are not judging your feelings by your reaction which they would see as a disambiguation, but rather judging your feelings by how they expect you 'should' feel. A theory of mind problem if you will. I've seen it before in 'NTs'.
30 Aug 2011, 10:15 am
It's very likely this in your situation, since it is your family and they love and care about you. This is just the way they are trying to connect with you involving your interests. You need to be honest with them and tell them that you don't really find it as amusing as they do.
That doesn't explain the constant arguing over trivial things and the position of the OP as can be inferred from the post's tone of voice. I believe taking into account the "whole picture" is key to an accurate assessment.
However, we can't possibly see the whole picture, which would include the viewpoints of every member of the family on one small incident, plus many others. We only get one viewpoint, and have to infer what we can of the others' viewpoints, which I did try to do from my experience with people, both NT and Aspie. I probably didn't get the whole, either. Even the other family members might not be able to explain what they were up to in saying one particular thing.
30 Aug 2011, 5:27 pm
No one can know what is going on, again, the only important thing, the only thing the OP has control over is expressing the fact this situation bothers him. He might be met with more teasing, might be met with an apology, might get told off. But, it is the only thing that will move this situation forward. He could always learn to "take it", but that's not moving it forward, that is learning to take crap and keep your mouth shut about it.
It doesn't matter why this is going on, it matters that it bothers him, it doesn't matter if there are hundreds of people that wouldn't be bothered by it. It doesn't even freakin matter who is AS and who is NT. Say something, find out their reaction.
