dont let autism ruin ur life

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The emotional response may always be with you, but you can work to diminish its importance to you.

I ask myself, "Is this a genuine threat, or just something that reminds me of a previous threat?" If it's just a memory, then I'll "worry about it later" and be done with it. If it's a real, current threat (The person glaring at you is carrying a knife or pointing a gun at you), then there are more effective things to do than to simply feel like crap.

Yeah, I guess so....other things can trigger that to, like the other day I was on the bus and a couple girls sitting ahead of me where laughing and I could not get the thought of being the person the laughter was directed at out of my head...they of course where not concerned with my existance but I still started feeling kind of angry and anxious. So I was glad when it got to my stop.

Yeah that would be a good way to not maybe care as much about the emotion, but I also tend to get physical anxiety type symptoms when that sort of thing happens, that even takes place when I do keep better control of the emotions.

The gist comes from the limited social environments of the States of the "4-corners": Arizona, Utah, Colorado, and New Mexico. Later, with the further limited social environments of the streets of San Francisco, the Monterey Bay Area, and Santa Clara County of California. I didn't win a lotto with Jonestown, Guyana, so I'm limited to being mainland national.

The phrase "people will always try to see how far they can push you" is too limited, and they often will not eventually go away. I also have obvious physical defects that make me look like a sideshow freak, with remarks, but then, many people did have a driving desire to stroke my Becker's Nevus, either by force or what-not. The stare of a compassionate carnivore is not always desirable, and not avoidable when accompanied under the color of authority. While the force of the group usually crescendoed with the stroking, the absence of witnesses led the carnivore to successful attack. Avoiding the carnivore unless witnesses were present worked for a short while, but attack in front of shocked witnesses soon happened. The social disruption created by the shocked witnesses precluded successful completion of the attack, and the carnivore sought escape to the West, I sought escape from the situation to the East. Somebody called the police, but after they arrived, they avoided, and did not seek, contact with me. The school administration officials accused me of seducing the carnivore, and they speculated that my previous two complaints of being raped were parts of a clever scheme since I did not report the stalking and staring gaze immediately, prior to any attack. "He looked straight at me, and I looked straight back" grants license. I was banished to the library for the rest of the year, with social distinction from gangs being impressed by the gossip of the physical attack from authority, gossip from witnesses and to everybody else. A few weeks later, another student responded to the carnivore with violence and then arson to the classroom. I was then accused of manipulating gang members into criminal acts from my isolation in the library.

My next encounter of the power of "priapistic staring gaze" occurred shortly after a "former" church father asked me, upon seeing my Becker's Nevus, "What kind of weirdo are you?" And as it turned out, a weirdo he was very lustful for. The reason for the threatened and attempted kill was to halt my departure to the Great Golden State. On the streets of the Great Golden State, it was a gamble if the next gaze was a Reverend Jim Jones, a Ted Bundy, a Jeffrey Dahmer, a Paul Verlaine, or a GodBucks.

"That's just how it is" versus "That's how it goes", since "Everybody Knows" has more fitting lyrics.

http://www.shouselaw.com/stalking.html California Stalking Law Penal Code 646.9 PC

Tadzio

It sounds like what you're describing is being mindful of your reactions, and also a bit CBTish (which is a good thing, I think). Not to make it sound like you're giving therapeutic advice, but just throwing in that this sort of thing does help me as well - I've been doing this with anxiety and panic attacks for years, and people don't really set me off like that (passively through glares, etc.) so I never tried it in that circumstance, but it seems logical that it would work for that as well.

So, if someone hits me and doesn't leave a physical bruise, I suppose my pain is my reaction and not a result of the action meant to cause pain.

Physical and emotional pain affect the same parts of the brain; the effects are indistinguishable.

If you have a problem with anxiety it's similar to having a problem with extra sensitivity to any other kind of pain: the same amount of stimulation that might not hurt another person is going to hurt you, no matter what.

First, you have to reduce the sensitivity. Then you can think and react. Anti-anxiety drugs work for emotional pain like aspirin works for physical pain in that sense.

And it is just as much the person's fault that they have trouble with emotional pain as it would be if they had a problem with physical pain and makes the perpetrator just as guilty if they deliberately cause it.

Well, I can't help these feelings because I do have an anxiety disorder, and also social phobia. Funnily enough eye contact is not something I avoid when interacting with people I know, but I find eye contact extremely hard with people I don't know. I don't avoid eye contact with people whom I don't know yet but will get to know, for example, if I started work somewhere where I didn't know anybody but knew I will get to know them. But when just passing strangers in the street - that's when it's hard for me.

When I was a child and a teenager, I never, ever worried about people judging me. The thought just never occured to me. The odd thought came to mind, but that's just normal. But generally, I never worried about it. But I did do a lot of embarrassing things out in public when I was around 11-15 years old, and I think now I'm regreting it - but not only that, I think my self-awareness has grown very strong on me when I got to about 18 or 19, and so now I'm too self-conscious, and don't seem to know how to tone it down. Not caring starting tomorrow is easier said than done. Phobias don't work like that. It's gotten so strong that I need help - which I am getting, but every help service takes their time in this stupid country, because of the bastard that is running this country is cutting back all our services.....OK, I drifted away there, but the point what I'm trying to make is - I want help and I'm going to get help. So at least the first descent thing I've done is admitting that I'm paranoid and anxious, and also opening up to other people about it, which is better than hiding and denying it and just carrying on being miserable with my problem. And yes, it is a problem. It's become a big part of my life. But people telling me that ''I give off vibes and other people can see it crystal clear'' doesn't help my social phobia, because then that puts me off meeting anybody new, and just carry on being worried about the way I look.

I know the real problem is self-hatred. I've been hating myself for as long as I can remember. But I don't know how to like myself, because I never have done before. I can't just promise myself I will wake up tomorrow morning and say, ''I love myself!'' because, again, it's easier said than done. If it were that simple, then we'd all be social butterflies by now, if changing your cognitive ways was that quick and easy. But I am not a robot - I have thoughts and emotions, and sometimes my emotions overpower me, especially when I'm having a bad day. So I know that the only way to help is to get help, which is what I'm doing.

Yes it does work and no it doesn't aggravate attack.
We're talking about judgmental old biddies in shopping centres here, and teenage girls, people like that. Not gang bosses.


Also: Joe90, you can fight social phobia. All you're doing by avoiding uncomfortable situations and thinking that your thoughts are correct is reinforcing it.
You do realise that it's probably the social phobia making you think that everyone is glaring at you?

Im replying to the OP. I hope to get to the point of security in my life where I dont allow my autism to "ruin" my life. I have social anxiety and I have a huge problem with thinking that everyone hates me. While its really good that Im very aware of my aspieness and I've made huge strides to learn social skills, the response I get from people in general is so much better then before and I find it much easier to make acquintances/friends. Often Im too aware and Im very sensitive to ever little negative reaction people project. Its easy to blame the autism and think I have poor control over the behavior Im exhibiting. Often times, I'm blowing things up in my head. After years of seeing bad things happen due to poor social skills. Its hard for me to place things in perspective that my skills are better now.

It doesnt help that I understand a lot more then I show. NTs think that once you mentally understand something socially, it automatically means you can apply it. Thats extremely far from the truth. Like, just because you know what to say in a social situation in theory doesnt mean that I know how to execute the situation when its shoved in my face. It doesnt mean, Im not going to choke up and not know what to do in automatic reaction timing. Perhaps if we slowed down the situation 5x, Id handle it fine. But I cant slow it down, I need to take things at the timing its coming at me.

If the "old biddy" is a federal judge, she is liable to assume she can "read your intent" evident from your actions. If you are located somewhere besides a "gang free" shopping center (one undoubtably without security guards also), all of the various flavors of "attack" may be emitted, whether from "old biddies", "teenage girls", "gang bosses", or some nearly deranged ALJ or SCC judge out proclaiming "I'm protecting womanhood, and promoting manhood" and raving, with force of action, continuing on any tirade like, in at least one national instance, of "Do You Know What You Sound Like?" to a defendant's witness with MS speech impairments (To me, she sounded like she was trying to illustrate her responsibility for an error that her relative was being directly held responsible for, if any). "Just a trouble maker pushes her luck", "the more you talk the worse it gets!! !", "get out of here!! !", "Bad Girls!! !". All during, and following the forceful silencing and removal of someone trying to actualize rights above the dragging official and public prejudice against "Bad Girl" neurological disorders.

I've learned to ignore much of the visceral sensations of my seizures of Temporal Lobe Epilepsy (TLE), but my ignoring my sensations of emotional feelings has resulted in other people regarding me as having flat affect, and professionals catergorizing me on the autism spectrum with Asperger's Syndrome and other disorders.

Then, there is no ignoring seizure phenomena beyond the level of sensations. If epilepsy decides to slam my face into the floor, my face is going to hit the floor no matter how cheerful and full of belief I am.

Controversy often flares with censorship here (move it to the locked adults only forum, or delete it), and I've even been told that I should stick to an 8th grade level, but my wordiness provides some insulation from (or to??) people who might be easily shocked or wish to remain willingly unknowing and are easily discouraged by a different tide of ideas. It's somewhat like referring to the novel about Humbert Humbert by using Vladimir Nabokov as the insulation. Sometimes this is still too much, like Dostoevsky calling one of his most epileptic character's novel a title translated abruptly to "The Idiot." Myshkin's epileptic divinity of the iurodivyi, countered with his frequent long-lasting TLE's often minor Asperger's-like social ineptitude too often voicing the truth, repeatedly muddles society's members in Dostoevsky's notebooks re the work.

The abuse/exploitation of Asperger's epileptics during seizures often seems to be politically-incorrect for discussion, except for occassional instances involving professional response abuse. (The pre-ictal, post-ictal, and interictal periods add to this). I think simple theft has only been mentioned a few times, maybe only once. While one of my divine minor seizures occurred while regaining consciousness bathed with morning's early sunshine, buck naked amongst the other discards in a garbage dumpster, after apparently being pillaged by some opportunist(s). Then, maybe it was an act of simple fright or spite. But for me, it was an ecstatic resonance with the divine iurodivyi.

The most frequent inadvertent conditioning from impairments is aversive conditioning, and a less frequent conditioning is usually labeled as chance, or "superstitious", conditioning. Unwanted conditioned responses and behaviours are best prevented by avoiding chance schedules of reinforcement (total avoidance is often impossible with epilepsy), and once the reinforcements are eliminated, to allow the conditioned phenomena to weaken into extinction. But often, stimuli associated with the conditioning, retain extensive effects for life, at least on the visceral level, and often best only disregarded on the cognitive level, with "socially inappropriate" visceral effects remaining, readily detectable in social situations as "that person is just not socially normal", with plenty of prejudice. This prejudice from other individuals will tend to "ruin" any positive social involvements with these individuals, and these prejudiced individuals are in the majority in society.

Tadzio

I know this discussion ended months ago but I think Fnord may have a good point Sweetleaf. Maybe it is time to just say f**k it. This is what I have done. If someone calls me a stupid idiot or a ret*d I will say "I know I am a stupid idiot/ret*d and I know you are one of the great intellectuals of our time. Since I know absolutely nothing and you know everything how about answer my questions and make me into a genius and a wise sage like yourself?"

Fnord's thoughts on the topic of staring seem similar to the thought that chocolate only tastes like chocolate because you think it does, or a stab wound to the face only hurts because you think it hurts.

I'm sure that it must be fun to pretend to have complete control over your body and brain's preprogrammed reactions to certain stimuli, but that's simply not the way that reality works.

A person cannot simply wish themselves free from adverse reactions, this kind of fantasy cure only works in theory, never in practice. It is self deceit to believe otherwise.

There is a reason that people feel uncomfortable when stared at, it is because they feel threatened or unsafe. The feeling will not go away, and should not go away, until the threat is removed or safety is acquired. These are the goals which all effort should be directed toward, it should not be wasted on simply "thinking happy thoughts". The "positive thinking" spiel is only good for selling books to weak-minded individuals who are looking for an easy way out.

Believing oneself to be invulnerable is no substitute for striving to literally become invulnerable. When you rise above a person in social status, they are no longer a problem. Take employees, for example. If they stare at their boss and attempt to make him or her uncomfortable, he or she holds the power to forcibly make them stop whatever they may be doing, and even remove them from the area if need be. A person who simply likes to imagine that they are in this scenario, holds no such power.

The key to beating insecurity is so obvious that it is taken for granted and ignored. It is the attainment of security.

Not the fantasy of it...

Hi Joe90,

It sounds to me as if part of the issue is that on some unconscious level you've 'bought' the idea that if someone conforms enough, they 'deserve' not to be treated in the ways you are complaining about being treated. You say you wear clothes that make you feel nice - that's great! But there's also a lot about 'looking normal' 'like other girls' in your post, and a lot of trying. I think a lot of the time, people can tell you're partly doing things out of a fear that not doing them would lead to social 'punishment'; that you place a value on 'normality' as you see it. The stuff the others are doing is hurtful and its natural that you are hurt by it. But it would be just as wrong if they did it to people who weren't trying to be normal... there's no real relationship between 'normality' and not being a target. It's really hard to go from the thought-patterns above to one where your basic outlook is "I am different, but I am awesome, f**k off if you have a problem with that" but I firmly believe the latter outlook decreases a lot of the hurtful behaviour because you're just not a particularly interesting target anymore when your values are based on something other than conformity. Also, having that outlook and doing unconventional things with flair can be quite charismatic and get you positive attention.

Point is, you have Aspergers, so you will probably always fail at being the most 'normal' person around anyway. But it doesn't mean you can have your own style or do that style really well, in a way other people admire, even.

Yeah old discussion but I know Joe still posts here.

Girls that dress in fashionable clothes still get looked at, regardless of their neurology. Guys gawk at them and other girls glare at them.

Social anxiety is a b**** to have because you think everyone is judging you, but that might not always be the case. What works for me is denying the thoughts or exaggerating them in such a way that the people looking at me turn into these bulky scaly drooling mythological creatures. I'm not very good at reading the non-verbal language of a dragon so it works for me.
Denying the actual thoughts works better.

I would if I could, but I don't know how.

I just wanted to tell joe and sweetleaf what is meant by "you own your thoughts ": people stare and you think "they stare like i'm ugly and stupid ". The way out of this is to change your thoughts to: "they stare like they are stupid and mean and close minded ".
Not only does this thought shift the focus onto them ,but it frees you from wanting to be appreciated by them .
Just an idea but it can be effective !