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Velociraptor
Velociraptor

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06 Sep 2011, 5:14 pm

I put this in the haven, but then I realized it may be here. So I'm posting


There is this guy, I love him and he loves me. Relationship was great and all. I explained I had Aspergers all my little quirks and he actually enjoyed them. He enjoyed my randomness and the way I'm anal about a lot of things and yeah... That was great. We spent say two hours one night telling each other how much we love each other and he wants me to be his future husband, so essentially he proposed to me. He refers to me as his fiance and great and all.

He has an issue though, and that is he isn't fully over his ex. He doesn't want to get back together with his ex or anything but he can't stop thinking about why he cheated on him and broke up with him. So he thinks about about it a lot. he says that he wants to take a break until he can get his mind straight and we can get back together probably soon. I was fine with this and I think that's okay.

The issue comes in here, he said he may date another guy. I said the whole point of dating seems to be to find someone bf material and be with them not to find someone bf material and put them on break to get your might straight, but then start searching again. I said dating is like searching for someone and I asked him if he was searching for anyone else, and he assured no, that he just wants us to be together. He just doesn't think it's right to be with me while he is having issues about getting over his ex.

I don't know what to really think, I'm just so conflicted and quite frankly confused as to what's happening. He's saying I'm pretty much an estranged fiance for a few weeks until he gets



Zinnel
Velociraptor
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07 Sep 2011, 2:10 am

does him dating other people hurt and make u worry? ask urself this

IF IT DOES--- then u need to tell him if he makes excusses and refuses to stop then there is a problem and u will need to do whats best for u

IF IT DOESNT--- then wait awhile let him sort this the way he wants, but i would insist that he allow u to date aswell, if he has a problem with this then again u will need to do whats best for u

we aspies tead to be ether A. very attached or B. very closed off

im the very attached type, and i know if i were in ur shoes id probably let the person date and try and "find themselves" but i know its not whats best for me and i would try makes it seem like it was ok when it really isnt

i wish the best for and hope it all goes allright



nick007
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07 Sep 2011, 9:18 am

Is he dating while trying to sort things out so he can have a sex partner :?:


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Velociraptor
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07 Sep 2011, 9:45 am

He said he won't have sex with other guys. But may make out. He said I can date and he said it'll hurt him but he'll know it was his fault .. he's kind of low in self esteem and seemed to defeat himself sometimes



Zinnel
Velociraptor
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07 Sep 2011, 9:59 am

Scanner wrote:
he said it'll hurt him but he'll know it was his fault ..


this is a red flag right here

most people even those in "open" relationships, which is what hes asking for in a nut shell

dont mention if theyll be hurt by the others actions and if u ask them "if theyll be hurt" theyll usualy say "NO"

the fact that he bothered to say anything at all is the problem, it could be an attempt to guilt trip u while he goes do his own thing

this whole issue could be the fact that he doesnt know if hes sure he wants a woman and thats the real reason for him saying he might date "other men"



nick007
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07 Sep 2011, 10:17 am

Zinnel wrote:
Scanner wrote:
this whole issue could be the fact that he doesnt know if hes sure he wants a woman and thats the real reason for him saying he might date "other men"

The OP is male.

I think you should break up with him OP. He is not taking your relationship seriously or he is wanting a different thing out of the relationship than what you are. Him dating other guys while you are being committed or wanting to be committed to him is a major warning sign that you guys are not compatible. He could be a player who's stringing you along


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Velociraptor
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07 Sep 2011, 3:44 pm

He first said I could date others I had to pry out how he would feel if I did he admitted he'd be hurt but it's his fault so I shouldn't worry. Now it seems he's just going to do nothing besides hobbies ans school.



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Velociraptor
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08 Sep 2011, 12:41 pm

"i said bye meaning bye i wana be single i dont want a relationship i just wana flirt f**k and be single period the end if u cant handle that then stop txting me"

I couldn't accept him dating on break.



Zinnel
Velociraptor
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08 Sep 2011, 1:41 pm

Scanner wrote:
"i said bye meaning bye i wana be single i dont want a relationship i just wana flirt f**k and be single period the end if u cant handle that then stop txting me"

I couldn't accept him dating on break.


srry about how it went, when someone wants something different than u want no matter what the relationship is it rarely is a good thing, ive had to learn this the hard way(doesnt hav it quite down yet :roll: ) and i think everyone does



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Velociraptor
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15 Sep 2011, 11:44 pm

Said he was mad when he said it didn't mean it told me he loved me all over, started pushing me away again said he wants to be single and not date and doesn't want me to not date because of him, cursed me out and all this other stuff..