People sticking up for their friends
What really annoys me is that in class at school, people have often stuck up for their friends as if what they're doing is right.
(NOTE: This was in the previous school year)
Once, a girl was teasing and bullying me in class, and her friends got involved. It's as if that girl's opinion was right when it wasn't! It's as if I am doing something wrong, when actually that girl was to blame. I was on my own and nobody stood up for me.
Everybody knows that bullying is wrong, so I didn't fully understand why this girl's friend didn't stop her from bullying me. I hate when people go with what they think is right, rather than what is right. I am a very moral and mature person, and I see no point of behaving illogically.
I have heard the saying "People fear what they do not understand, and what they do not understand they try to destroy" and I think that's what happened here. This girl has an autistic boy living down her street and she knew I had AS. She doesn't make fun of me regularly, it was just a one-off incident.
Does it annoy you that people do this?
When people stick up for a bully they are sometimes afraid she will start bullying them if they don't.
Also, when a group bullies it unites them as a group. It strengtens their bonds/ties. Isen't this fun, and aren't we glad we are not at the receiving end.
It's not about right or wrong, it's about who's on top and who's not.
The more you can ignore them the better.
Also, you might notice that people with similar values tend to cluster together with other like minded people. Some people don't care about other people's feelings, particularly at that age, so obviously nobody that really cares about others would hang out in such a group unless they lacked the strength of heart to stand up for what they believe. It's a pity that some of those people don't completely get what they are doing until a few years into adulthood.
I've seen many of the kinds of people you speak of get the tables turned on them when they got to college. The past always catches up with people. Live long enough, pay attention and you'll see it happen.
I remember at least 2 occasions with 2 different friends where I stuck up for my friend, and the result was that my friend become angry or offended at me for interfering.
Moral of the story, you cannot automatically assume that a friend wants you to stick up for them. Any time you intend to stick up for a friend, you have to first consider the possibility that the friend will resent it, and consider first asking for permission to stick up for them.
Yes, it annoys me too. I’ve even had people tell me, “Well, you’re right, but the world doesn’t work that way.”
One way to look at this is as cultural difference. Common agreement is valued more, and “right” and “wrong” are just subjective judgements. Even if you could show these people, “I come from Aspieland and in my country such behaviour is taboo and punished with exile,” most people would smugly say when in Rome do as the Romans.
People tend to believe what they want to believe, regardless of the facts. It’s not that they don’t understand what is right or wrong. They just don’t care. They have different priorities, or lack willpower, or something. They support what is easier, not what is better. It seems easier to make people laugh or cry than it is to make them care, and in many cases your audience just isn’t going to be receptive. It’s like trying to persuade an alcoholic to stop drinking.
I wish more people were as sincere as you are. I wonder if the world would be a better place if more people had AS.
One way to look at this is as cultural difference. Common agreement is valued more, and “right” and “wrong” are just subjective judgements. Even if you could show these people, “I come from Aspieland and in my country such behaviour is taboo and punished with exile,” most people would smugly say when in Rome do as the Romans.
People tend to believe what they want to believe, regardless of the facts. It’s not that they don’t understand what is right or wrong. They just don’t care. They have different priorities, or lack willpower, or something. They support what is easier, not what is better. It seems easier to make people laugh or cry than it is to make them care, and in many cases your audience just isn’t going to be receptive.
I wish more people were as sincere as you are. I wonder if the world would be a better place if more people had AS.
I totally agree, people tend to agree with what they think is right.
I've been called idealistic for thinking this way, and having thought it over, I get the feeling the term idealistic was meant to me unrealistic... I found it insulting. It suggests that the mob makes the morals. Well, that may be in a sense true, but you're right, what's right isn't changed even when an entire people says that wrong is right and acts accordingly.
Mob mentality is all about individual cowardice and surrendering free will. Be glad you stand alone and do your own thinking rather than leaning upon a network of misguided and overly agreeable imbeciles.
I was talking to my "friend" about bullies and how I blame the bystanders more than the bullies themselves for the lack of moral judgement. That is, I feel the bullies are damaged people who are doing something they were instructed to do by adults. The bystanders are kids who have no deep down reason to behave unjustly, but choose to because it's funny, they want to belong, they are insensitive, etc.
My "friend", I knew she was in the incrowd as a young girl, stuck up for the bystanders and claimed she was one of those who would follow the pack. She got caught leaving out a girl by her mom and had to personally invite her to a party.
Later, after being a cheerleader and having lots of friends, she moved out of that state to California and lost her social standing. She felt what it was like to be "out" and instead of being nicer and humbler, she found a way to become "in" again.
So, she has been traumatized but didn't learn her lesson.
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