Unrequited love. True love or no love at all?

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I pressume, most of us have been there, and I get that some people have different opinons on it, such as unreciprocated love = crush and nothing else or even obsession (yeah some think that unrequited love=obsession), and others say that it is a form of true love, as they would say it is a love without expecting anything in return.

What is your take on it?

*I apologize if this has been discussed before.

It's most likely infatuation.
Sometimes it's love if you get dumped or something?

Depends on the situation. For me, it definitely was not infatuation. I don't believe in 'true love' though.

In my experience crushing on Miranda Cosgorve; it was infatuation crush that turned into a crush obsession & it turned into real feelings. I quit crushing on her & being obsessed with her when I got in that relationship with Megz & Megz is the only one I have any attraction towards or desire to be with; however I still care about Miranda & i think i may always will kind of like how I still care about my ex even thou that ended 8 years ago & I know we cant & should never be together again & I've made peace with that & moved on.

i don't think it is possible to be in love with someone when they do not return the feelings at all, as i consider love to be a two-way street. at the same time, one person can be at the cusp of love while the other one has crossed over the threshold, or one partner may be in denial about their feelings. these would be is cases where the people are quite close and where feelings are growing mutually, just perhaps in fits and starts.

at the same time, if the two people aren't even in a relationship or if they only know each other from a distance i don't think romantic love is possible. i would consider that to be obsession only.

I think of the whole "love is just giving and not expecting something in return" is false.

If all you keep doing is giving and the other person just keeps taking because you are expected to just keep giving to prove your love then eventually you get burnt out and you want something that feels more mutual.

Love is an emotion. Feeling it is what makes it real. I see it like this: love is a spectrum that encompasses everything from crushes to lifelong. Similarly, frustration and rage fall under the anger spectrum. But you never hear anyone say, "I wasn't really angry the other day when I was screaming obscenities and kicking furniture. I just THOUGHT I was."
So why do so many people say, "I wasn't in love, I just thought I was." I understand that hindsight is 20/20 and it's easy to see that our feelings were impulsive, I'll-informed, self-destructive etc, when the experience has passed. That's when we tend to autopsy the whole thing, saying "oh, it wasn't really love because obviously I was searching out someone who was unavailable," or, "it wasn't really love because I honestly didn't know him/her well enough to truly love her." I don't buy that. There are certainly relationships and feelings that are leas fruitful than others, but again: an emotion is an emotion. The ment you feel it, you've made it real.

Very well said; however I think love is a feeling that last; you do not simply fall out of it even if the person is unavailable or whatever; some part of you may always have feelings like concern for them

I think it can be a form of love. You choose what you love and what someone else loves is their business. But whether called love or infatuation, it's quite often unproductive.

well, does love has to be egostistical in order to be considered love? I mean, if love is unconditional and "without expecting much or anything in return", then it isn't really love? I think unrequited love can still be love, if you define love as "caring about someone".

About infatuation, well, I think it depends, if you actually know the person and have a friendship relationship with them but they don't see you romantically, that looks different from the other person never knowing you exist. In any case, it seems that infatuation and obsession still exist within romantic relationships.

I asked this question to see what people here thought about it, given that that would be somehow a typical scenario for most here.

My own take on it is that I personally find funny when people think that love is love only when is reciprocrated, otherwise it's not really love, unless you have a definition of love that differs from "caring about the person and hoping and doing the best for them", it doesn't make sense (love is love only if they love you back ). It seems more like a social convention than anything else, and social conventions don't have to make sense.


well, I think two people should be in a relationship such as friendship in order for 'unrequited love' considered 'love' to make sense.

I'm not sure i know the answer to this. Feelings of care and unselfish affection for another who does not return your affection can be very real.

However, there is something richer and deeper about this affection when it is returned and there is a sharing of caring for each other.

I'm not entirely sure about the connection between love and obsession though. I know obsession without any regard for the other person's feelings or without respect for their space is bad, say if you keep turning up wherever they are because you enjoy being near them, but they don't want you near (i did that once or twice as an innocent teenager) but when the affection is shared and you become entwined in a mutual obsession with each other is that love? Or are you just obsessed with each other? I dunno if i'll ever understand this love thing.

I don't buy the whole "love is a two-way street" thing. Just because one person doesn't care about the other doesn't mean the other's feelings of love are any less real.

Also, I do believe that someone can think they are in love with someone else but not really be in love with it. This is becacuse I think you cannot truly love someone until you know who they are. I thought I was in love with my ex; it turns out that he was a sociopath who was just manipulating me. Who could love that?

Real love is forever. If you "stop" loving someone, that is because you had feelings for who you thought that person was, and your perceptions of that person have changed.

which is no different from what i said.

agreed.


overall, i think a good litmus test is the people around you.... they can TELL if you are in love, or if it is one-sided attachment.

Lately, I realise that it's you
You are the one who makes everything right,
summer days and winter nights
Slowly, I open my eyes and your
smile is there to greet me
and whisper words to tell me it's alright,
I'll stay by you in your darkest night

Time and again the situation shows,
you make it better...
Time and again I realize,
you are the morning of my day...
Time and again my feelings let me know
you make it better...

We wasted words on conversation,
'cos all I wanna do is just talk about,
the woman I love, woman I love...
I never thought I could be this way,
when I hold you in my arms
I know I just wanna stay t
his is the place I should be,
in sweet harmony with the woman I love..

You and I could always
talk it over as friends
and you never, ever worried,
we always make it good in the end..

Time and again the situation shows,
you make it better...
Time and again I realize,
you are the morning of my day...
Time and again my feelings let me know
you make it better...

No wasted words on conversation,
a necessary separation
'cos all I wanna do is just talk about,
the woman I love, the woman I love...

Time and Again by David Coverdale.

This song altered my perspective on unrequited love. I tend to pine after guys in a on sided way. It describes a mutual love and a working things out together. It was written years ago and I guess they maybe aren't together anymore, but I don't know for sure, but I like this song. It describes what I aspire to. I decided that I wanted to be loved back too.

Personally, I've always considered love to be something shared between two people but the infatuation you can get for someone can certainly have as much of a powerful effect on your actions. The concept of love isn't a single faceted thing - we do call it unrequited love after all.

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I think that unrequited love is absolutely a form of love...and not always an obsession. Just because it is one sided doesn't make it damaging.

My feelings are my own, if I love somebody it is because of how I feel and has no bearing on how the other person feels about me. I don't need his/her love to validate my love, instead I can simply enjoy the feeling just because it gives me pleasure. To me 'unrequited' could mean the other person has no knowledge of my love, or has brushed me off in some way. Either way it doesn't change how I feel.