An Excercise In Assertiveness

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So, this is just to tell you about a little episode in my life yesterday, which I thought was quite positive.

Now, as a piece of background, you should know I'm usually a quiet person who sometimes doesn't speak up when perhaps I ought to. Apart from being autistic, I'm also part Asian, grew up under the influence of my Indonesian grandmother, and my mother taught me to value humbleness. Here in the Netherlands, when you're bashful it's sometimes misinterpreted as timidity or not being assertive enough, or being a pushover, and you might run into people who will take advantage of this.

So I was at the super market to buy something, and I walked up to the counter at the front service desk, where they sell batteries among other things, and which is located opposite to the regular cash counters in the 'main area' of the store, with all the foods, hygenic products, etc. So a man walks up to the counter, where a couple of other people are being helped, as he just came from the main cashiers with his groceries. I see him cut in line before me (well, technically next to me) and he doesn't make a secret of wanting to be first, putting his hand on the counter and everything.

So the cashier finishes helping the last customer before us, and she asks who she can help now, looking at both of us alternately. So I speak up just a fraction of a second before the man next to me does, asking for my batteries. The man tells me that 'He was first', after which I reply: "No, I'm sorry. You just came walking up from the main cash registers. I was first here at the service desk." The man gives no substantial reply I can recall, only a rather incredulous look. Now the next part is very important: I just look the man in the eye with a confident look on my face. Conveying to him that I believe that I am in the right, and won't tolerate cutting in line. All the while, I remembered to maintain my cool, not raise my voice, remember to be polite.

Now I should say, normally, especially when I'm in a very, very good mood, I actually let things as minor as this slide by. I mean come on, I don't lose a lot of time if someone else buys his/her stuff before me, I'm usually not bothered. But right that instance, I thought to myself "This may be minor, this may of little significance, but I've let others walk over me in other situations before, and I'm not going to stand for it right here and right now".

So I do consider this a small victory. Your thoughts, or similar experiences?

be situationally aware of the possibility for revenge from people like this male bully you defended yourself against, later on in the parking lot. i've had people try to run me over in their cars for similar things. there are a lot of sickos out there. always watch your back around such sociopathic types, especially if you are female or small.

well ok.. that 2nd opinion is not sounding so positive

Maybe you can buy pepperspray in case your poor victim wants to get back at you after you made justice happen

I also tend to think that I have nothing else to do, so why bother making a big deal out of someone who cuts the line. But I can't stand those people ! And I noticed lately that a good way of dealing with seemingky-stupid people is just to act stupid yourself! That way, they 'll think you really believe what you say..

Today I bought a pair of cheap socks in a cheap shoe store. IT said 3,50 euro on them, TWO TIMES in BIG LETTERS.
Girl at counter scans it and says it's 4,50 euro ! !
I give the money while being a little surprised; I wanted to let this go by, because it seemed a nice girl. But then I got the ticket and all and just asked 'by the way, why is it 4,50?' Then she checked and apologized, it was not yet updated in the register or so. Got my one euro

Seriously? I am not sure how I would react to that but it sounds horrible.

@auntblabby, yeah, I agree with what ^Sweetleaf says here, that's an extreme. But I'm amazed to see you're using the plural; people tried to run you over? I'm hoping I'll be able to recognise when it's appropriate to stand up for myself, and when it's appropriate to let it slide- but I doubt I can actually take irrational behaviour into the equation.
And anyone who wants an actual fight with me will have a good fight on their hands, lol.

@ kopetski: well, see? You prevented being conned out of one euro! That's a victory. It's not going too well with our European currency, so we have to save all that we can.

no omega are you!:wtg:
yes, people plural. the military types are the worst about violence, i can't count the number of times they've jumped out of their cars enraged that i would not give them a parking space they said belonged only to them. i can't count the number of times people said to me, "what's your name, you @#$%&?! !? i will find out where you work and get you fired!" as though my refusing to let them cut in front of me in line was insubordination to their command. as a civilian working in a military hospital, i can't count the number of times military types not even in my "chain of command" tried to "pull rank" on me as though i was their lowly private, pointing to their brass [rank insignia] and saying "this says you have to shut up and obey me!" or bullying words to that effect, when they were misbehaving. i don't care for military types. i guess i have "omega male" written all over me. dogs sure seem to sense it, especially human dogs. hell is other people.

Eh, don't worry about violence, I think that's a bit far-fetched. I think you did a GREAT thing!
You stood up for yourself! I loved your description of it. I could imagine myself in the same situation. I liked the part about looking him in the eye and sounding confident. I will definitely try to take your advice to heart. It must have felt great to do!