Side stepping social gatherings......

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lovelyboy
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24 Sep 2011, 8:16 am

Do you find yourself being a bit hessitant when planning social gatherings with friends or family because you're affraid that your ASD child might have a melt down/ inappropriate behaviour in front of them? :?


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Little dd has ADHD with loving personality and addores his older brother! Little dude diagnosed with SID and APD.
Oldest son, 10 yrs old, diagnosed with AS and anxiety and OCD traids


LizzyLoo
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24 Sep 2011, 8:39 am

FIrst of all, huge hugs for you!! It's so hard sometimes isn't it?

For a little while we did avoid things like that but we soon decided that it was not the right way to go about things for us. We explained to all of our friends and family what was average behaviour for ASD children and that we needed support and not judgement. Those who could not handle that were slowly culled from our lives.

These days we are surrounded by amazingly understanding family and friends who love our kids us much as we do and embrace them for exactly who they are. It took time and effort of course but it was worth it :)



DW_a_mom
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25 Sep 2011, 1:48 am

There were ages and phases, yes. But kids grow up, and things change. Good thing ;)


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aann
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25 Sep 2011, 3:01 am

For us it's a process of baby steps. I have to accept my son first - that attitude is what counts. How I respond to him in front of others is a powerful model for how I want my son to be treated by others. If I can't do that in a given setting, I should make alternative plans. Others will be judging you but that's their problem. They should be taking your cues as to how much you love your son and sometimes need to adapt for him, without letting him get away with what you know is bad behavior for him. Not that I do this well. Sometimes I coddle too much, sometimes I am insensitive to him b/c of worry of what others think of me. Baby steps.



Kailuamom
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25 Sep 2011, 12:11 pm

Yes and no

I am less worried about judgement than I am worried about if we can pull stuff off.

Anxiety is a huge trigger for my son. What I have found, is that I have less ability to put what's needed into a social gathering. Basically, I need to have the flexibility to not show up or to be late if we just can't get it together.

It's funny, I have found that whenever there is a "dress up" type event, we end up bailing at the last minute.

Having people over is ok, but I rarely have the energy to entertain. I think that may have to do with my own social issues and how much energy social takes for me.



momsparky
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25 Sep 2011, 1:59 pm

lovelyboy wrote:
Do you find yourself being a bit hessitant when planning social gatherings with friends or family because you're affraid that your ASD child might have a melt down/ inappropriate behaviour in front of them? :?


When I saw this title, I was all ready to post YES!! ! Then I realized you were talking about your kid's issues and not your own... :D (Yes, I've had meltdowns in public...just didn't realize that's what they were until now.)

It's funny, there are certain social gatherings where DS does better than I do, and some where we can almost guarantee something bad will happen. We limit visits with his cousins for this reason: there's some dynamic there that isn't entirely about him, but that seems to go wrong often. So the answer for us is...sometimes.

We have mostly stopped having adults over for dinner, but that's more because childless adults have a hard time eating and socializing with any kid, not because my son has AS.