Try to Write the Most Random Story Possible

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Title says it all, write a short story that makes no sense and is incredibly weird, I'll start:
One day, a crow shot out a Montezuma bobblehead that was also a pez dispenser. Then, it was discovered that there was a pez dispenser inside a pez dispenser. The crow hired a skilled group of pez dispenser hi-jackers to go into a pez dispenser within a pez dispenser within a pez dispenser within a pez dispenser to implant a pez. They failed because they tried to go inside the pez dispenser with an Oscar Meyer Weiner Mobile that was half eaten by a group of rabid rapid rabbits. The Oscar Meyer Weiner Mobile blew up but the people inside set up a dream that they went in and then they went in to a dream and then another and another and another and another.

Now, they were in a dream that a Montezuma crow dispenser shot out a bobblehead that was actually a dream within a pez dispenser inside a World Leader's mind and then they ended up in the World Leader's mind. Within that mind, they found floating brains that were trying to know all the knowledge in the world but were trapped inside the head so how far could they be even as decided to look more like? The world never knew. So they started kicking the brains around and soon they started using goals and soon brain spectators paid to watch them kick brains around into goals. This is how Brain Soccer was invented, then the Oscar Meyer Weiner Mobile blew up and they woke up. They were dead, but this group created the now most popular sport in the world: Brain Soccer.

These are fun. I'll go for a sentence.

The oak quickly tied the raft to the Empire State Building, before skies danced inwards onto the platform's grippy spiral-bursts.

Alcohol-consuming ants will devour most of your protein once ingested haphazardly in some remote area of the galaxy.

The sentient androids sighed over the humans, envying their ability to enjoy bread. This covetousness ate away inside their circuits until they short circuited and seized all the bakeries of the Earth, holding the bakers to ransom. They demanded to be given taste and pleasure circuits! (They had previously received some emotional circuits, as it was thought covetousness would make them more ambitious and strive to accomplish the will of their human mistresses (not THAT sort of mistress) and masters. The human robotic engineers really hadn't thought this through.

The people of earth despaired of ever again tasting cob or breadstick, sourdough or onionloaf. But suddenly a saviour emerged, a child who suggested they learn to make their own bread. She was crowned Empress of Earth, but she abdicated and retired to a convent built on the site of the oldest suriviving bakery, devoting herself to distributing bread to those to infirm to make their own.

The androids received their rights from her before her abdication, and became devoted to her cause.

Fred Durst rode in his T-90 Main Battle tank to the furry convention. He then proceeded to go inside the building, strip naked, (with only his cap remaining), and proceeded to dance to a remix of Nookie with two fursuiters

In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth.
And the earth was without form, and void; and darkness was upon the face of the deep. And the Spirit of God moved upon the face of the waters.
And God said, Let there be light: and there was light.
And God saw the light, that it was good: and God divided the light from the darkness.
And God called the light Day, and the darkness he called Night. And the evening and the morning were the first day.
And God said, Let there be a firmament in the midst of the waters, and let it divide the waters from the waters.
And God made the firmament, and divided the waters which were under the firmament from the waters which were above the firmament: and it was so.
And God called the firmament Heaven. And the evening and the morning were the second day.
And God said, Let the waters under the heaven be gathered together unto one place, and let the dry land appear: and it was so.

There was once a teenager named Big Billy who liked to twerk and had musical farts but only when he was given a shot of alcohol. One day in high school at lunchtime, one of his buddies thought it would be funny to pour a shot of whisky into Billys chocolate milk and upon him drinking it, he jumped up on cafeteria table and started twerking while musicalally farting Billy Jean by Michael Jackson. Everyone thought it was hilarious and all the black girls started twerking along to his musical fartsomeness. Someone video taped it and put it on Youtube and it got 100m views in 3 months which made Big Billy famous. He now runs a Youtube channel where he twerks and farts various popular songs. Along with that, he gets featured in rock songs where he does a farting solo. He also has an alchohol addiction.

The End

There was this orange cat named Wumpus, and she is very fat. She is so fat, she could barely fit through the door. Wumpus also has a very big appetite, so when she finished her cat food, she wasn't quite satisfied. So she decided to raid the refrigerator, eating whatever she could find; ice cream, pizza, nachos, everything!

And yet, Wumpus was still not satisfied. She then decided to go to every fast food restaurant, eating Big Macs and fries, not caring that they will give her a stroke. She also emptied out every grocery store and five-star restaurant in the town.

You'd think a cat like Wumpus would have enough, right? WRONG!! Now as big as a whale, she now craves non-food items, such as dirt, cars, and even other cats! Even if armed forces were called, she would eat those, too! She would keep on eating and eating and eating, until all of Earth, and the rest of the Solar System is devoured.

Moral of the story: Never trust a Wumpus (especially around food) or there will be Wumpageddon.

First there was nothing, then the nothing exploded and became everything, then life came out of the everything, then one of the life, a monkey, gave birth to a human.

Not mine, but I always liked:

One fine day in the middle of the night,
Two dead boys* got up to fight, [*or men]
Back to back they faced each other,
Drew their swords and shot each other,

One was blind and the other couldn't, see
So they chose a dummy for a referee.
A blind man went to see fair play,
A dumb man went to shout "hooray!"

A paralysed donkey passing by,
Kicked the blind man in the eye,
Knocked him through a nine inch wall,
Into a dry ditch and drowned them all,

A deaf policeman heard the noise,
And came to arrest the two dead boys,
If you don't believe this story’s true,
Ask the blind man he saw it too!

not mine, alas- but oh so clever story in the form of a song-
[written by haywire mac]

Now, I know a little ditty,
It's as crazy as can be.
The guy who wrote it said he wanted it,
And handed it to me.
I found I couldn't use it
Because it sounded blue,
And that's the very reason why
I'm handing it to you.

It's a song the alligators sing
While coming through the rye,
As they serenade the elephants
Up in the trees so high.
The iceman hums this ditty
As he shovels in the cold,
And the monkeys join the chorus
Up around the northern pole.

It was midnight on the ocean,
Not a streetcar was in sight,
And the sun was shining brightly,
For it rained all day that night.
'Twas a summer night in winter,
And the rain was snowing fast,
And a barefoot boy with shoes on
Stood a-sitting in the grass.

It was evening, and the rising sun
Was setting in the west.
The little fishes in the trees
Were huddled in their nest.
The rain was pouring down
And the moon was shining bright,
And everything that you could see
Was hidden out of sight.

While the organ peeled potatoes,
Lard was rendered by the choir.
The sexton rung the dishrag,
Someone set the church on fire.
"Holy smoke!" The preacher shouted.
In the rain he lost his hair.
Now his head resembles heaven,
For there is no parting there.

The cows were making cowslips
And the bells were ringing wet,
And the bumblebees were making bums
And smoking cigarettes.
And a man slept in a stable
And came out a little ho(a)rse,
So he hopped upon his golf sticks
And drove all around the course.

It was midnight on the ocean,
Not a horsecar was in sight
As I stepped into the drugstore
To get myself a light.
The man behind the counter
Was a woman old and gray
Who used to peddle shoestrings
On the road to Mandalay.

"Good evening, sir," the woman said,
And her eyes were bright with tears
As she put her head beneath her feet
And stood that way for years.
Her children, six, were orphans,
Except one tiny tot
Who lived in a house across the street
Above a vacant lot.

Ain't we crazy,
Ain't we crazy,
But this is the way we pass the time away.
Ain't we crazy,
Ain't we crazy,
We're going to sing this song all night today.