Parents of young adults with aspergers?

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Ai_Ling
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03 Oct 2011, 4:03 am

Ok, Im not a parent first of all. Im the young adult with aspergers. While my situation may seem typical. Living with my parents is a drag and I dont agree with my parents believes. See my parents are conservative and Im liberal. I guess for the most part, we try to keep the controversial stuff on the downlow. Sometimes my mouth tends to fly since Im very opinionated. I was wondering what is the best approach towards my parents.

Does it make a difference that your kids is aspie vs. NT and the fact that they dont agree with you morally. I know NT parents already dont like it when their kids dont agree with their morality. Is the fact that your kids does not always know the "social rules" put some sorta naivety on them? What about if your kid is female? Do you ever blame your kid not conforming to your morals because their aspie and they just dont know the social rules.



hoegaandit
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03 Oct 2011, 5:27 am

Seems to me your issue is more a general parental/child issue than specifically a parent/asperger child issue.

You can't generalise about parents and children and their respective moralities too much. (Family ties was a program about turning the conventional moralities on their head). For what it is worth I am a liberal parent and am unconcerned with whether either my NT young adult daughter or my 17yo ASD son are religious or not religious, sexually active or not etc, provided their actions are not extreme and they act with consideration and common sense. There have been no moral issues arising, but pressing practical issues with my son who is not coping with school.

In other words I do not consider morality as an issue in our family at all. If either my daughter or my son started acting unwisely, in my view, I would however very much be making my views known.



demeus
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03 Oct 2011, 8:03 am

I am trying to grasp the rules in this conversation here. Are we talking about those still of normal high school age or are we talking about those who are considered by law to be legal adults (18 and above).

For those that are high school age, this has been an age old fight since high school became compulsory. Prior to that, most teens in the 13 - 17 year old range were starting apprintaceships, working on the family farm (both males and females), working as housewives, or in the case of females, were starting to date suitors for marriage. News was also a day or 2 in coming if it was not local. Now, parents are required to support their high school kids (which has seem to become very expensive) and information is available at the touch of a mouse. Now whether this is an aspie thing or NT thing, I do not think so.

As for those of adult age, I think it is the age old "You live under my roof, you will believe what I believe!" attitude. My mother and I still do not agree on all things political today and I have been out of her home for 15 years. All adults (and young adults) will have their own view points and they will not necessarily mesh with their parents (or even siblings for that matter).



Ai_Ling
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04 Oct 2011, 2:07 am

I realize Im touching an age old topic. Kids are always gonna chose their own path. I am above 18, almost 23 to be exact. But my parents put similar restrictions on me like I was 16 or 17 because their conservative. I recently came back from college and I dont have a social life because its hard for me as an aspie to make friends as of right now. I did however have a social life in college. Did things that was typical of my age, that my parents wouldnt approve of. Drinking, (a tad drugs), sex, hanging out with guys a lot, making plenty of crude jokes with my friends(especially guy friends). I think the sexual manner and the religion conflict would be more bothersome for my mom. I have a higher percentage of good guy friends then most girls. My parents are Christian and I dont like Christianity

Im also asking, from the parents perspective, is the fact that Im aspie an issue. Like, "oh she doesnt know the social norms, we wanna protect her" even a greater must then my NT female counterparts. Cause compared to many aspie females, Im not as naive, Im very suspicious of other peoples motives and I think that sharp suspicion makes me less vulnerable. I read a lot and hanging around guys friends have helped to educate me so Im less susceptible to being taken advantage of.



League_Girl
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04 Oct 2011, 2:16 am

Ai_Ling wrote:
I realize Im touching an age old topic. Kids are always gonna chose their own path. I am above 18, almost 23 to be exact. But my parents put similar restrictions on me like I was 16 or 17 because their conservative. I recently came back from college and I dont have a social life because its hard for me as an aspie to make friends as of right now. I did however have a social life in college. Did things that was typical of my age, that my parents wouldnt approve of. Drinking, (a tad drugs), sex, hanging out with guys a lot, making plenty of crude jokes with my friends(especially guy friends). I think the sexual manner and the religion conflict would be more bothersome for my mom. I have a higher percentage of good guy friends then most girls. My parents are Christian and I dont like Christianity

Im also asking, from the parents perspective, is the fact that Im aspie an issue. Like, "oh she doesnt know the social norms, we wanna protect her" even a greater must then my NT female counterparts. Cause compared to many aspie females, Im not as naive, Im very suspicious of other peoples motives and I think that sharp suspicion makes me less vulnerable. I read a lot and hanging around guys friends have helped to educate me so Im less susceptible to being taken advantage of.



Sounds like they are over protective of you. I am glad mine decided to let me grow up and to let me learn from my mistakes and believe in me. But yet they let you go to college and live in the dorm so that is good of them.



hoegaandit
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04 Oct 2011, 3:57 am

You asked what your attitude to your parents should be. Let's face it, this sort of situation is never going to be easy, but if I were your parents I think I would like to be treated with respect. They obviously want the best for you, and it is difficult for older people to adjust to different ways of doing things.

In your shoes I would try and have a respectful discussion with them where you point out you are an adult who has been away from home already and has coped on her own, and, while you respect their views you do not agree with some of them, and they need to accept you and your views and give you more freedom (while at the same time you acknowledge that you are under their roof so need to work in with them also).