The female Attraction to men Enigama Please enlighten me.

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Fnord
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08 Oct 2011, 7:19 pm

hyperlexian wrote:
poeticwrongplanet wrote:
A lot of women for instance feel that it would be "polite" to tell a guy they're not attracted to "I think you're a great guy, let's just be friends" rather than just coming out and telling him outright that the feelings aren't mutual.
telling a man he is a great guy and that they should be friends IS saying the feelings are not mutual. that is why they are better as friends and nothing more. there is nothing ambiguous in that statement. at least such a man is deemed worthy of friendship, which is a good sign.

The trouble is, that it seems that "just friends" means that she will be polite and civil in public, but never actually be friendly toward the man. By that I mean that most men will eventually realize that she will not want to socialize or or just hang out with any man that she's "just friends" with. In other words, the man will feel that she's just told him to shove off.

So why not just say, "Shove off"? Dog knows men hear that often enough from each other.


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hyperlexian
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08 Oct 2011, 7:26 pm

Fnord wrote:
hyperlexian wrote:
poeticwrongplanet wrote:
A lot of women for instance feel that it would be "polite" to tell a guy they're not attracted to "I think you're a great guy, let's just be friends" rather than just coming out and telling him outright that the feelings aren't mutual.
telling a man he is a great guy and that they should be friends IS saying the feelings are not mutual. that is why they are better as friends and nothing more. there is nothing ambiguous in that statement. at least such a man is deemed worthy of friendship, which is a good sign.

The trouble is, that it seems that "just friends" means that she will be polite and civil in public, but never actually be friendly toward the man. By that I mean that most men will eventually realize that she will not want to socialize or or just hang out with any man that she's "just friends" with. In other words, the man will feel that she's just told him to shove off.

So why not just say, "Shove off"? Dog knows men hear that often enough from each other.

well, both men and women may not put in the effort to maintain a friendship after it becomes known that feelings are not returned. i've lost some very good male friends who ditched me when i did really want to be friends still, after i turned them down. or they ditched me as a friend after they rejected me!! ! it does happen, but i think it's best to operate under the assumption that the person does genuinely value your friendship.

EDIT: i have also made dear friends that are ok with being "just" friends.


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Last edited by hyperlexian on 08 Oct 2011, 8:38 pm, edited 1 time in total.

MountZion
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08 Oct 2011, 7:30 pm

hyperlexian wrote:
poeticwrongplanet wrote:
A lot of women for instance feel that it would be "polite" to tell a guy they're not attracted to "I think you're a great guy, let's just be friends" rather than just coming out and telling him outright that the feelings aren't mutual.


telling a man he is a great guy and that they should be friends IS saying the feelings are not mutual. that is why they are better as friends and nothing more. there is nothing ambiguous in that statement. at least such a man is deemed worthy of friendship, which is a good sign.


It is a good sign - it will still feel like an insult though! :lol:


OT:
I don't think women are attracted to overly dominant men, but a man who has personal authority (i.e. has his own boundaries, standards, code of ethics etc), is immensely attractive to a woman. He can be nice, quiet, even unassuming in a sense, but as long as he has that foundation, he's gold.
Confidence is always associated to dominance, and it's not the case. Those people who are outwardly dominant all the time are sometimes not as dominant, and operate under a facade simply because they know a few tricks with regards to body language and psychological behaviour. Once you know yourself, it will all make sense, and you will have power over your own reality, and as a result, you will attract more people (especially women) towards you because of your aura.

There is the physical aspect, but a mentally stimulating person will always be attractive to a woman. Combine that with the physical and you are a very sought after person. At least in my observations.


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Scythe
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08 Oct 2011, 11:28 pm

Not gifted in the physical since. I have a bad tendency to hide from people because I got so tired of being back stabbed. I don't think all women are generally after the dominant abusive types but many are so its hard to find one that is not following the crowd. It goes on both sides though. I have not found anyone I think I have feelings for and sometimes wonder if that part of me died. Its been a long time since I really had feelings for someone. Oh and I must have had a typo on the title.



Fnord
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08 Oct 2011, 11:33 pm

hyperlexian wrote:
Fnord wrote:
hyperlexian wrote:
poeticwrongplanet wrote:
A lot of women for instance feel that it would be "polite" to tell a guy they're not attracted to "I think you're a great guy, let's just be friends" rather than just coming out and telling him outright that the feelings aren't mutual.
telling a man he is a great guy and that they should be friends IS saying the feelings are not mutual. that is why they are better as friends and nothing more. there is nothing ambiguous in that statement. at least such a man is deemed worthy of friendship, which is a good sign.

The trouble is, that it seems that "just friends" means that she will be polite and civil in public, but never actually be friendly toward the man. By that I mean that most men will eventually realize that she will not want to socialize or or just hang out with any man that she's "just friends" with. In other words, the man will feel that she's just told him to shove off.

So why not just say, "Shove off"? Dog knows men hear that often enough from each other.

well, both men and women may not put in the effort to maintain a friendship after it becomes known that feelings are not returned. i've lost some very good male friends who ditched me when i did really want to be friends still, after i turned them down. or they ditched me as a friend after they rejected me!! ! it does happen, but i think it's best to operate under the assumption that the person does genuinely value your friendship.

EDIT: i have also made dear friends that are ok with being "just" friends.

When she says, "Let's just be friends", she means, "Let's have a pleasant, yet platonic relationship based on mutual trust and understanding."

When he hears, "Let's just be friends", he thinks she means, "Shove off! You are not up to my precious standards of what makes a man a real man!"

... or something like that ...


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09 Oct 2011, 5:02 am

[quote="MountZion]
I don't think women are attracted to overly dominant men, but a man who has personal authority (i.e. has his own boundaries, standards, code of ethics etc), is immensely attractive to a woman. He can be nice, quiet, even unassuming in a sense, but as long as he has that foundation, he's gold.[/quote]


Agreed.



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09 Oct 2011, 11:24 am

hyperlexian wrote:
poeticwrongplanet wrote:
A lot of women for instance feel that it would be "polite" to tell a guy they're not attracted to "I think you're a great guy, let's just be friends" rather than just coming out and telling him outright that the feelings aren't mutual.


telling a man he is a great guy and that they should be friends IS saying the feelings are not mutual. that is why they are better as friends and nothing more. there is nothing ambiguous in that statement. at least such a man is deemed worthy of friendship, which is a good sign.


This. Also, the OP is 28, so he can absolutely expect women in his age range to have mature expectations of men.