can you help me be a better father?
12 Oct 2011, 10:11 pm
MasterJedi wrote:
I fear that I'm not doing enough for my daughter. I sit at the computer or on the couch while she's watching Blue's Clues or whatever. I might have her sit with me or on me and I'll tickle her sometimes. But I'm getting the feeling I should be playing with her more.
And this house...I'm a stay-at-home parent and you'd think that the 4 hours she's off at school, I could do a bit more around the house. it's a wreck. Her room, our room, the kitchen, the living room all need attention. It just feels so overwhelming to do it all and maintain it. 90% of her toys she doesn't play with but I'd feel guilty if I donated them. That's a big thing right there, she's got toys all over the place and we're using two big bins to store it all.
In short, I feel like I'm neglecting her by not playing with and reading to her and I need to clean better.
Any tips?
And this house...I'm a stay-at-home parent and you'd think that the 4 hours she's off at school, I could do a bit more around the house. it's a wreck. Her room, our room, the kitchen, the living room all need attention. It just feels so overwhelming to do it all and maintain it. 90% of her toys she doesn't play with but I'd feel guilty if I donated them. That's a big thing right there, she's got toys all over the place and we're using two big bins to store it all.
In short, I feel like I'm neglecting her by not playing with and reading to her and I need to clean better.
Any tips?
I can really relate to this I always feel guilty that I'm not playing enough with my daughter. Just my thoughts?
Do you and your daughter like music at all? Dancing? We don't watch alot of TV at our house but the music is always on! She loves dancing and singing. I keep simple instruments around like drums and tamborine's to 'keep the beat'. We'll rock out together, or sometime I let her rock out on her own while I squeeze some housework in.
Also I try to include her in at least one household chore a day, I'll let her rinse the dishes, wipe the kitchen table etc etc. It takes a little bit longer and it's never perfect but I always give her alot of praise and attention afterwards.
Also, if you have respite, use it, or if you can hire a babysitter and then do something for yourself, read a book, take a class whatever your into.
14 Oct 2011, 6:15 pm
bjtao wrote:
I am overwhelmed with my responsibilities every waking minute. I manage things by setting daily goals. I have the goals I must accomplish (washing dishes, cooking dinner, etc..) then at least one 'extra' such as sorting the laundry. The next day the 'extra' might be hanging the sorted laundry.
When things pile up, such as when every room is a disaster, I set a goal to do one area of one room each day. One day might be clearing the kitchen counters. I might have a goal to put all common items around the house in piles one day, then put them in place the next (e.g. collect all toys in one pile, all dirty clothes in another pile, all papers in another pile, all tools in another pile, etc...).
I know it doesn't sound like a lot but all of this is after a 10 hour day and added on to managing my son's homework, taking care of the pets, etc...
After a week of having at least one 'extra' goal each day, it adds up to be quite a bit accomplished.
When things pile up, such as when every room is a disaster, I set a goal to do one area of one room each day. One day might be clearing the kitchen counters. I might have a goal to put all common items around the house in piles one day, then put them in place the next (e.g. collect all toys in one pile, all dirty clothes in another pile, all papers in another pile, all tools in another pile, etc...).
I know it doesn't sound like a lot but all of this is after a 10 hour day and added on to managing my son's homework, taking care of the pets, etc...
After a week of having at least one 'extra' goal each day, it adds up to be quite a bit accomplished.
I definitely agree with prioritizing and setting goals.
Also, if you feel that you are clinically depressed (common among ASD parents), I would look into treatment.
You also need to find a local suuport group, like your local chapter of the Autism Society.
Finally, buy as many premade educational aids that you can afford--speech videos, educational videos, etc. Check out Amazon.com for used items. She can still be learning while you chill out.
My free YouTube channels have lots and lots of free speech, reading, and math videos for toddlers through elementary school in the playlists section. She would probably particularly like the alphabet sections in "playlists" on the Reading Channel. Also see Starfall.com, the links to free e-books and educational games on my website: www.freevideosforautistickids.com, check out the "friends" links on the Reading Channel for other links for preschoolers, and check out the "uploads" on my Speech and Vocabulary Channel for examples of homemade speech materials.
Regarding the toys you have, my kids both like playing with toys if an adult facilitates. They are not very good at "free play" or pretend play, heading for the computer, bookshelf, art supplies, or TV if left alone to entertain themselves. They have fun playing games if an adult helps them to take turns, follow the rules, etc.
Also, you may not be the best person to provide care for your child. How old is she? Where does she spend her days when she is not with you?
My own husband got "fired" from his position as caregiver for my older son with classic autism. He happened to be unemployed at the time that my son was born, and I had a full-time job working out of the house, so he got appointed babysitter. He simply could not force himself to play with my son, read to him, work with him, etc. After me repeatedly catching him sitting around playing video games and watching TV instead of paying attention to our son and nagging him to death,, we basically had to reshuffle the career stuff. He found a job, and I quit mine. Now, we have a home-based low-income housing business that provides both of us with a whole lot of flexibility. .
By the way, Blues Clues is great for young kids with speech issues, especially if you turn on the closed captioning--she can learn to read and spell while she watches.
Good luck, get connected, and use that computer and TV.
_________________
www.freevideosforautistickids.com is my website with hundreds of links and thousands of educational videos for kids, parents and educators. Son with high-functioning classic autism, aged 7, and son with OCD/Aspergers, aged 4. I love my boys!
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