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robsten1990
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15 Oct 2011, 8:00 pm

Hi!

I´m a 21-year old girl from Sweden who suspect I have ASD in some way (or ways). For my whole life I´ve felt different somehow, have always thought it´s because of social anxiety but now I suspect something more. I´ve been thinking about it for almost a month now. Down below I have listed some reasons for why I might have ASD. I´m really sorry if I´m wrong or offending anyone, I´m new to this.

1. I have always been very shy. When I was little I almost never said anything to anyone except for my family. I was really scared when I met new people and always hided away from them or cried and just wanted to go away. My parents got angry with me many times because of this.

2. I have big difficulties with "hanging out" or socializing with friends and keeping them. Nowadays I don´t have a problem with getting to know people. But being friends (hanging out with people daily, talk to them daily, text them daily etc.) have never "come naturally" for me. That´s why I´ve been a loner most of my life.

3. I tend to take things literally, especially some jokes. I remember when I was little and we were playing that we were two camps who took prisoners of each other. I was prisoner once and I thought it was for real, I cried and cried and wanted them to release me. And if some said like "stop now for f**** sake" or another F-word I tended to think they meant to hurt me.

4. I tend to get really interested in or obsessed with things. E.g when I was 9 I knew the names of all planets and their position in our solar system. Especially Jupiter fascinated me with its big red dot. When I was 10-11 my big interest for "dark" moments in history started. By then I knew what witch-burning was, who Joan of Arc was and what the Stockholm bloodbath was (it was the Danish king Kristian II who decided to punish many who were against him in year 1520). I´m still very interested in history and especially dark and cruel events (WW2, French Revolution, Inquisition, religion, pirates, Greek and Roman mythology, crimes and punishments and so on). Other things I´ve been obsessed with (and still am with some) are Lord of the Rings, Twilight, fanfiction and paranormal romance, celebrity couples ("shipping"), white tigers, desserts, my favorite football (soccer) teams, politics and so on.

5. I´m smart (don´t want to be rude now) and have always been good at school, especially with writing and spelling. I was quite good at it already when I started school at the age of 6. That caused other students to get envious of me and I was bullied because I was smart. All teachers loved me though.

6. I was bullied alot in elementary school because I was smart, shy, insecure, jealous, didn´t have any friends, "disgusting" (don´t know why), sometimes said things I shouldn´t say, had a certain favorite football team etc. There was never physical bullying, only psychological. They would shout things after me, take my books, my bags, throw things after me, paint things on my locket, call me from hidden number and sometimes make sexual sounds, calling me "mommy" and making fake internet-accounts in my name.

7. I mostly feel more comfortable with people who are older than me or are seen as "odd" (I had a dyslectic friend when I was 18-19 and she´s one of the best persons I´ve ever known) because I feel I can relate to them more. I tend to think people at my own age are immature (not in my way :lol: ) and all they seem to talk about is sex, sex, parties and sex. I feel like I have to be in a certain way to be with them, with the ones I mentioned above I can be myself.

8. Before I never understood how people could make out and have sex with strangers on clubs, it´s dangerous for God´s sake and you cane get raped or get STD:s. I also never understood how they could be friends with people they hadn´t known for long or people that wasn´t living in the same area. I have better understanding now but will never have it fully with the sex.

9. I feel the urge to tell what´s right when someone says something wrong and I know the right thing. I can even get annoyed although I don´t show it.

10. I´m quite immature and childish (compared to what I "should like" at my age). I still love watching certain animated movies and Astrid Lindgren. I just think they are so good and emotional.

11. I have some gender and sexuality issues. Before I´ve always felt like a girl because when I was little I loved Barbies and typical "girl toys" and other "girly" things. But I´ve always liked TV-shows with "guy-themes" and I have always loved sports. Now I hate wearing feminine clothes and prefer more androgyne. Sometimes I think I would fit better as a man because women are so sexualized in society. Before I was also sure I was straight but now I feel mostly asexual. I´ve felt lesbian and bi too. I have never had a relationship or had sex with anyone so I don´t really know what I like. Maybe it has to do with that I feel slightly depressed at the moment and society´s expectations.

12. I can´t handle stress and I´m very anxious. If I get too stressed I feel like I´m going to loose my mind, I cry and just want to get out of the situation.

13. Practical things are very hard for me. They have to be concrete, I need to know exactly what to do and how to do it and it can´t be stressfull.

14. I´m a routine-person. I always have certain morning routines I have to do and I have to visit websites in a certain order when I sit by the computer. If they are broken I can get really annoyed. I do like spontaneus (spelling?) things if it´s something I like, but if someone says "I will do that" and they change their mind I can get very angry.

15. My hearing has always been sensitive. Baloons and rockets are the worst, if I hear those near me my ears really hurt. I can hear sounds that nobody else can hear but at the same time I sometimes have difficulties with hearing what other people say if they speak in a way I don´t find understandable.



Phew, this was long but I hope it´s alright :wink: So I wonder if I have ASD or if I´m just "slow and weird". Hope I will find some answers here, byebye for now :)



ACerulean
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15 Oct 2011, 8:59 pm

I'm going to lay it out to you here and if I sound rude while doing so, so be it. There really is no way for we, as the users of Wrong Planet, to actually determine if you have any sort of mental disorder or disease or anything like that. (For those who are surely going to respond that Autism is not a disease, I meant other ailments that could be classified as a disease.) We don't know you well enough. All we have to go by is your post. However, if you think you have an ASD you very well might. I'm sure you've done your research and come to a logical conclusion. I spent ages worrying about whether I had an ASD because I thought I did. It turned out I did. Just talk to a psychologist. They'll be able to tell for sure.



ghostpawn
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15 Oct 2011, 11:41 pm

Amateurs can't diagnose you over the internet or anything, but my opinion based on the information you provided is that you might have AS, in addition to social anxiety or maybe even general anxiety.

As for your confusion over orientation and/or gender, that is unrelated to AS but not as rare. There might be tests on the internet that can help you figure yourself out.


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RainingRoses
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17 Oct 2011, 3:09 pm

I agree with the folks above. Everything you've said in your self-description is consisent with AS (AFAIK); and nothing you've said is inconsistent with AS (again, AFAIK). But, that's still a pretty long way away from a diagnosis. How about finding a doctor who might be of more help? Living in Sweden, I can only imagine that it will probably be free or very cheap to satisfy your curiosity. (The financial burden of an official diagnosis in places like the U.S. is a significant hurdle for most of us. In this respect, you're pretty lucky.) Good luck!


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17 Oct 2011, 3:18 pm

Welkome to WP!

Mick :)


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richie
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17 Oct 2011, 5:49 pm

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robsten1990
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19 Oct 2011, 11:42 am

Aw, thank you for welcoming me :D You´re right, I should find a doctor or another specialist. It´s just that I still live with my parents and they don´t really "believe" in disorders like this. They just think it´s an excuse for being stupid, sad I know :( And I can´t afford getting a place of my own since I´m studying right now.


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Pocket
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19 Oct 2011, 3:31 pm

For the first post of yours: It sounds plausible, and I guess I share some 10 points of yours, and feel the same way. Aspie is a very likely conclusion. I have not talked with my GP yet (Læge), but have read from Aspergerforeningen i Danmark, that while getting the diagnosis is free it costs the state some 25000 DKK for the proces, so you may need some good arguments for how a diagnosis will be helpful, e.g. that it will help know yourself better, and thereby complete your studies. I do not know the exact rules, but in Denmark it is possible to get extra study grants when diagnosed, if AS has a significant impact on your ability to work parttime. Whether there's extra support in Sweden I do not know, but there are swedes around, and you probably have a national society, too. You could send them an e-mail?

For your second post (parents), you may want to start a new thread on that, and get some advise for how to get around it. I know it is definitly not that simple, but your doctor is not allowed to tell anyone what you discuss, and the same goes for specialists, but yeah, you may risk a conflict with your parents, and I really do not know how to handle that stuff, because parents are some of the most important support while studying. Best of luck, and welcome!