I CANNOT BEAR BEING STARED AT NO LONGER!! !! !! !! !! !! !

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Joe90
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16 Oct 2011, 1:39 pm

Help! How can I stop people from staring at me for ages?!?!?!
Today I got stared at by a woman as though she had never seen another human being before.
I was getting on the bus with my mate (we were the last ones on, but we got a seat), and I felt I was being stared at by the woman opposite, so I couldn't help but get distracted and look up at her, and she was staring right at me, and me only. She gave a little smile, but I bet she did because she knew I looked up at her nervously and so thought she'd better give me a quick smile (why bloody stare in the first place?! !) I tried to not look like I cared, so I carried on chatting to my mate, and I suddenly felt her staring at me again, so I glanced at her and saw that she was actually looking at what clothes I had on. I was glad to get off the bus because I felt very disturbed and creeped out.

Because I have Social Phobia and I'm a pessimistic thinker, I fail to take staring as a compliment, since I have severely low self-esteem I just assume everyone's staring at me because I look stupid or something (even though I don't act dress geeky or act differently). Paranoid thoughts won't stop going on in my head, and it just makes me feel really agitated, and it is quite normal for people to start to feel paranoid when they feel everyone is staring at them. I actually find it quite creepy - and also very unnecessary.

And no, looking nervous is not a reason to stare at someone. Looking a little nervous is not different or weird, and if anything I would have thought people would look away because I thought people were socially smart enough to know that staring at somebody makes them feel all the more nervous. The type of people I stare at are really hunky looking men, because they are worth staring at! I don't waste my time staring at nervous-looking women. I don't give off strong body language that I'm nervous (like biting my nails, touching my hair, not knowing where to put my hands, ect). I probably look unconfident in my face, but I can't do much about that. And nobody's perfect anyway.

I am getting mighty sick of it! And anyway - I don't look weird or anything because yesterday the bus was crowded (there was only about 3 or 4 spaces left), and a woman came on with a 1-year-old baby and sat the baby next to me then went and sat on the seat in front (god knows why she didn't just put her baby on her lap). I know I looked agitated, because I don't like babies, but the woman didn't seem distrustworthy of me or anything (and these days people are overprotective or their kids), so instead of getting more agitated, I just told myself that I can't look that weird if a woman happily sat her baby next to me, so I took it as a compliment.

SO WHY THE f**k DO PEOPLE STARE AT ME ALL THE TIME????! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !
HELP!! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !


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swbluto
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16 Oct 2011, 2:03 pm

Because you're hot. Next question.



Joe90
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16 Oct 2011, 2:06 pm

swbluto wrote:
Because you're hot. Next question.


Other women stare at me because of that?

Eww.


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swbluto
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16 Oct 2011, 2:07 pm

Joe90 wrote:
swbluto wrote:
Because you're hot. Next question.


Other women stare at me because of that?

Eww.


Oh, if it's women, it's because they're jealous you're hot or because they might be bi or lesbian (or because they're human and humans like to look at pretty faces). Do you notice guys staring at you?



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16 Oct 2011, 2:22 pm

Don't let it get to you. People stare at me all the time, too. Mostly it's kids who look like they're in second grade. But they look at me like they're, I dunno, fascinated because maybe I too look childish in a sea of adults. That's only a guess, though.



Joe90
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16 Oct 2011, 2:26 pm

swbluto wrote:
Joe90 wrote:
swbluto wrote:
Because you're hot. Next question.


Other women stare at me because of that?

Eww.


Oh, if it's women, it's because they're jealous you're hot or because they might be bi or lesbian (or because they're human and humans like to look at pretty faces). Do you notice guys staring at you?


I have come across guys staring at me, but that doesn't harm me at all. They don't stare and stare - they just keep looking at me every so often then when I turn to them they smile, and I can see that ''I like you'' look in their face (I'm generally good with facial expressions and body language). But a woman staring at me is, like, a bit freaky besides so pointless. I never stare at other women because I know that it may make them feel uncomfortable. It's common sense.


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Zexion
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16 Oct 2011, 2:31 pm

This is not a social phobia or AS thing... I think every woman around your age complains about being stared at... That's the way they are.



Joe90
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16 Oct 2011, 2:37 pm

Zexion wrote:
This is not a social phobia or AS thing... I think every woman around your age complains about being stared at... That's the way they are.


Makes sense, because middle-aged to elderly women look at me only. I haven't caught girls of my age staring at me now for a long time now (OK, don't talk too soon!)


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16 Oct 2011, 2:47 pm

swbluto wrote:
Oh, if it's women, it's because they're jealous you're hot or because they might be bi or lesbian (or because they're human and humans like to look at pretty faces).

Yeah, OR maybe they're all aspies... :lol: I found a funny video about asperger's and staring here:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3uERgs1QhKU

I'm at least a BPA... And what happened to the guy in that video happens to me as well. I stare at or fixate on people's faces when I'm lost in thought - It's like my eyes get absorbed by their face.

Don't get mad when people stare at you - It probably wasn't their intention and they can't control it.



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16 Oct 2011, 3:51 pm

When people stare at me, I either smile and wave at them or make faces at them. Sometimes people will wave back, but when I make faces, they stop dead in their tracks. People staring at me dosen't really bother me when I have my pet lizard with me, because I assume they are looking at the lizard.


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Joe90
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18 Oct 2011, 12:46 pm

Another thing - having people staring at me has caused a major anxiety lately, because it makes me feel I'm being watched or spied on. I've been on job-seekers for over 3 years now, and I heard that sometimes job centres can send out spies to watch some unemployed people to see if they are still unemployed, and I don't like the thought of being watched like that. It just creeps me out.


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1000Knives
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18 Oct 2011, 12:57 pm

Well, if you've learned to sort of "use" eye contact, when people stare at you, just glare back at them, maybe all pissed and stuff, or simply just stare back, acknowledge you're being stared at and just look at the starers.



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18 Oct 2011, 2:42 pm

The exact same thing happens to me all the time. I can't stand it! It's all different types of people staring at me. I'm not going to lie- I'm skinny,pretty, and fashionable, but I don't try and draw attention to myself or anything. Another type of stare I notice is sometimes people glare at me because they're insecure about themselves (these are people that are typically overweight). The most common time this happens is if I'm at a waterpark. Anyway, I don't know what to do about these people. Mom always tells me to just stare back, but for some reason, I can't. I'm too polite to even do it and it makes me really uncomfortable. What can I do?



Joe90
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18 Oct 2011, 4:06 pm

Quote:
The exact same thing happens to me all the time. I can't stand it! It's all different types of people staring at me. I'm not going to lie- I'm skinny,pretty, and fashionable, but I don't try and draw attention to myself or anything.


Same with me too. And I'm not going to keep giving excuses against you or me, like saying ''perhaps they can see something in your body language'' or ''perhaps you have that look or give off an expression'' - it's just no good in saying that, I mean, come on - that's no reason to stare at someone. I see people more odd looking than me but I don't stare at them. In anything I would look away and concentrate on something else. Saying those stupid things like ''your weirdness shows right through you'' does not help paranoid people. It just makes us feel worse about ourselves, especially Aspies like me who don't want to be different and doing our best to make an effort with ourselves and yet still being told we look different. It's just not really a reasonable answer. (Not getting at you, I'm agreeing with you and referring to people on some internet forums who gave me the useless answers).

Quote:
Another type of stare I notice is sometimes people glare at me because they're insecure about themselves (these are people that are typically overweight). The most common time this happens is if I'm at a waterpark. Anyway, I don't know what to do about these people. Mom always tells me to just stare back, but for some reason, I can't. I'm too polite to even do it and it makes me really uncomfortable. What can I do?


I have stared back, and it worked. They smiled then turned away again and didn't look at me again. Usually I don't look at anyone, then I feel them staring all the more as though they want me to look at them. It gets so awkward! But then I think, ''I don't want to stare at them first because what if they don't me to stare?'' I have too much empathy/sympathy (see, they say Aspies are the ones who lack empathy/sympathy but some of us actually have too much, which can also cause problems! :D )
The only snag with not looking up at people is you are more than likely to scuttle straight past people who you know, then appear unfriendly and have to keep explaining yourself that you only missed them because you wasn't looking, not because you're unfriendly. Ohh, such an awkward state!

Perhaps people are like Aspies underneath, they suffer from faceblindness and so need to stare to give their brain a chance to process the information of the face, because a quick glance isn't enough. You never know.


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18 Oct 2011, 4:19 pm

wear a burka at least you know you are being looked at for wearing a burka and not because you are pretty or weird. :wink:


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18 Oct 2011, 4:41 pm

I either stare them down till they look away, or give the finger, or both.

Sometimes, if they are particularly annoying, I make a rodent expression by lifting my top lip up to expose my 2 front teeth

It makes me feel better, to do this. Its quite liberating......