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purchase
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19 Oct 2011, 12:48 am

I want to communicate but I don't want to communicate in the style I've been communicating in.

Does this make sense to anyone.

I don't want to feel alone but I need to be separate.

This is cryptic as all get out but sometimes there are just no words.

It's not necessarily a bad feeling, just a conflicted feeling that I imagine others might be familiar with, which is why I'm putting it in this section.



Chronos
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19 Oct 2011, 2:20 am

purchase wrote:
I want to communicate but I don't want to communicate in the style I've been communicating in.

Does this make sense to anyone.

I don't want to feel alone but I need to be separate.

This is cryptic as all get out but sometimes there are just no words.

It's not necessarily a bad feeling, just a conflicted feeling that I imagine others might be familiar with, which is why I'm putting it in this section.


So you wish to change your mannerisms, image and communication style then?



purchase
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19 Oct 2011, 2:55 am

Thank you for answering, Chronos. I did not think what I said was answerable. Well I want to change my communication style I guess... I really don't know beyond that. Not mannerisms necessarily. I don't know if this will explain it but I started out with a ten-paragraph thing I was going to post and then I just couldn't because I don't feel like communicating anything that secret. But if I don't, I feel alone. So I wanted to not feel alone by seeing if anyone else has secrets they don't want to tell but they feel alone not telling.



auntblabby
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19 Oct 2011, 3:40 am

i felt much more alone back before the local aspie group came into existence that i could trust enough to pour out my heart to. now that i could unburden my heart of its cache of deep dark secrets i feel much better, like i have much less to be ashamed of. or something like that. :neutral:



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19 Oct 2011, 4:52 am

Yes, i do understand what you mean by wanting to communicate and not wanting to do it in the manner that you are doing it in currently.
It does take a bit (ok for me a lot) of self discipline to do this, but 1stly one must know exactly what the communication is youre doing now and then try and think of a tactical way to change it, feedback always helps.
I am always asking people for feedback especially when i meet new people.
But with people who wont give me feedback i find it hard to communicate with and i go back to my awkward aspergian manner of trying to communicate.
I suppose it just a bit of trial and error =/



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19 Oct 2011, 5:24 am

You want to improve your communication skills and have more contacts, but without people invading your personal bubble?



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19 Oct 2011, 5:25 am

I think I understand what you mean about not wanting to be alone but wanting to feel separate. I want to have someone I can feel comfortably alone with and I do have that with my son.


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jackbus01
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19 Oct 2011, 8:49 am

Yep, doesn't make sense.

I have never understood it when people say they have feelings they can't put into words. Its a little silly. I have never had this problem. I can describe just about anything with enough words.

Here's a further thought:
If you can't define the problem you can't fix it.
If you can't form a question, then it is hopeless to try to find an answer.

"This is cryptic as all get out but sometimes there are just no words."
and that's why it is cryptic

"...because I don't feel like communicating anything that secret. But if I don't, I feel alone. So I wanted to not feel alone by seeing if anyone else has secrets they don't want to tell but they feel alone not telling."
you're making my head spin! If you don't want to tell your secrets, that's fine but don't expect any help. Seriously!

what else can be said?



purchase
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19 Oct 2011, 9:35 am

It should probably be noted that I posted this at 1:48 am and 3:55 am when I am generally not making much sense.



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19 Oct 2011, 9:46 am

purchase wrote:
It should probably be noted that I posted this at 1:48 am and 3:55 am when I am generally not making much sense.


Oh dear. Because it is 3.45pm here and I just read your posts in this thread, and they made perfect sense to me. And I don't have an "early morning addled brain" excuse. It just made sense and described what often goes on in my head.


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19 Oct 2011, 9:50 am

Being separate and yet not lonely is best accomplished by someone else simply being in the same house with me. There's still some measure of loneliness involved, but there always will be as long as I'm not directly talking to them. It's unavoidable.



purchase
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19 Oct 2011, 9:50 am

YellowBanana wrote:
purchase wrote:
It should probably be noted that I posted this at 1:48 am and 3:55 am when I am generally not making much sense.


Oh dear. Because it is 3.45pm here and I just read your posts in this thread, and they made perfect sense to me. And I don't have an "early morning addled brain" excuse. It just made sense and described what often goes on in my head.


Oh well good :) I appreciate that you understand.



swbluto
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19 Oct 2011, 9:52 am

You want to connect more with others and you want to connect by communicating in a "different way" or "better way", but you don't want to lose yourself in the process.



animalcrackers
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19 Oct 2011, 11:22 am

purchase wrote:
I want to communicate but I don't want to communicate in the style I've been communicating in.

Does this make sense to anyone.

I don't want to feel alone but I need to be separate. [...]

I don't know if this will explain it but I started out with a ten-paragraph thing I was going to post and then I just couldn't because I don't feel like communicating anything that secret. But if I don't, I feel alone.


I'm not sure I understand....

Is it kind of like you want to change what you say to others, but not necessarily how you say it?

Is it that you want to change your communication to be more open about who you are, how you feel, or what you think/experience (because otherwise you feel alone?)..... but at the same time you aren't comfortable with being more open (because you need a certain amount of comfortable distance/separate-ness that you would lose if you shared more about yourself?)....?

purchase wrote:
So I wanted to not feel alone by seeing if anyone else has secrets they don't want to tell but they feel alone not telling.


I've definitely had things that I prefer not to share with people but feel lonely carrying around inside....I'm not sure how similar my experience is to yours, but I think I can relate somewhat to this.

purchase wrote:
This is cryptic as all get out but sometimes there are just no words.


I understand--some things are impossible for me to put into words. The more complex and abstract/invisible something is, the harder it is for me to express it in words.


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jackbus01
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20 Oct 2011, 5:38 am

This is very amusing. You post a few cryptic sentences and try to see if anyone can understand them. Is this some sort of game?