I just got asked out...by a girl?...(I think)

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Grisha
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08 Nov 2011, 6:55 pm

SoftlyStepping wrote:
If it's just you and her, that's building emotional intimacy. Using the word "boyfriend" destroys that. Unless she's new at dating, she knows this.

There's mind games going on here. I would be cautious.


I sense this too - doing this without dropping the "B-bomb" early on raises serious red flags - even if she is young. What would she do if her boyfriend did that?



right-hand-child
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08 Nov 2011, 7:30 pm

Grisha wrote:
SoftlyStepping wrote:
If it's just you and her, that's building emotional intimacy. Using the word "boyfriend" destroys that. Unless she's new at dating, she knows this.

There's mind games going on here. I would be cautious.


I sense this too - doing this without dropping the "B-bomb" early on raises serious red flags - even if she is young. What would she do if her boyfriend did that?

Well she did say "Wanna hang out?" when she asked, which is pretty casual I guess, but still...Not sure what to make of this.

She still seemed nice though. How to signal further interest...


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Asp-Z
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08 Nov 2011, 7:33 pm

It can certainly lead up to a potential relationship if it goes well. Good luck!



PastFixations
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08 Nov 2011, 7:42 pm

Very common... falling for someone even with a boyfriend. Word of advice talk to her two days after she has split with him. I suspect that relationship won't last, also don't go near her boyfriend.



SoftlyStepping
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08 Nov 2011, 8:20 pm

I'm assuming she's savvy. If she's taking the lead, she's got confidence and experience.

I suspect that she's flirty with a few guys.

Saying "there's a boyfriend" is a cue to back off. Perhaps something was said about 30 seconds before that... or the whole situation... something made her change the tone.

Are there other love interests that you are cultivating at the moment.



Rocky
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09 Nov 2011, 3:37 am

There are a lot of unknown variables in this situation. If you think you would enjoy being only friends with her, that would allow you to wait to see if she decides that she likes you better than her current boyfriend. If not, you could invite her to call you when (and if) she breaks up with him.



tronist
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09 Nov 2011, 4:31 am

i think if you DO want to be with her its important that you try to distance yourself from her. if he ever makes her cry and she comes to you about it, be sure to let her know how much it pisses you off because you like her and you wouldnt make her unhappy :D.

or if that never happens, at least be sure to tell her how you feel at some point. (NOT SURE HOW SOON / LATE IS OPTIMAL SO RESEARCH A BIT FIRST :P)

distancing yourself means only seeing her once per week. make it seem like you have other stuff going on, not like you are intentionally doing this. never ever go on a group date with the 2 of them.. at all. make sure any time you spend with her is just you and her. eventually she might weigh you versus him (sorry, but this is pretty standard of humankind, i think :C) and either subconsciously or consciously make a decision on which of the two of you she'd rather be with. she might end up confessing to you, but you might have to confess to her. if she acts interested in you, but is hesitant to do anything deemed 'cheating', you'll probably want to tell her how you feel so she'll make a further choice on the issue. if she TELLS you shes interested, then ask her why they are still together. if she breaks up with him, maybe you two could start 'seriously dating' then start something.

BUT! there is also the possibility of her not being interested in you at all, and friend-zoning you. you can look up ways to avoid this with google (GOOGLE KNOWS, i promise).

overall, dont get hung up on her. dont think 'shes the one' until there is actually a possibility of you two being together (which is super out of the picture at this point). keep looking for other girls and persuing girls that you like / are interested in. dont STOP persuing girls because you like ONE girl who isnt available.



curlyfry
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09 Nov 2011, 10:50 am

How depressed were you in your FB posts. I could see myself doing this and not realize how vulnerable the guy is. Don't be too hurt. If she finds your worth friendship she might even mention you to other girls.



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09 Nov 2011, 2:45 pm

curlyfry wrote:
How depressed were you in your FB posts. I could see myself doing this and not realize how vulnerable the guy is. Don't be too hurt. If she finds your worth friendship she might even mention you to other girls.

Not really hurt as such, if she has a boyfriend then I can take that. Just a little frustrated y'know.

In fact I don't really think she was doing it on purpose like everyone else is saying...I guess I'll bare that in the back of my mind as a possibility though. And I did sound quite depressed in that conversation, something about how I was upset I can't make friends so well (Bad move, I realise) but I switched the tone around kind of fast somehow.

Eh, I guess trying to get any further with her won't work too well. I won't ignore her or stop talking to her, but I'll lay off for a while.

Worst case scenario, I don't mind being friends as long as we can still talk about anything easily...Was planning to marathon Harry Potter once the final DvD comes out (as much as I like reading, can't very well marathon books). She seemed to like that sort of thing...Yeah I get sidetracked easily.


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