Osama Bin Laden, dead?
While reports like these have popped up every now and again, this one seems relatively feasible. As you probably know by now, a Frog newspaper published a leaked report within the French intelligence community (not our French aspies, the French equivalent of ASIS, MI6 or CIA). Said report states that Osama bin Laden seems to have died from, of all things, typhoid.
While this would be welcome news, it is still not concrete. The Saudi government, whose citizens include the bin Laden family, have apparently refuted this, but have confirmed (if at all possible) that bin Laden is gravely ill, which is not surprising, considering the fact that apparently his kidneys were playing up for the last few years.
Of course (and this is my opinion, one that apparently is shared by those with a knowledge about how al Qaeda, or really any terrorist organisation works), this doesn't mean jack. In some people's opinions, bin Laden was no longer involved with the day-to-day doings in the field, he is just an ideological figurehead. Not only that, but many terrorist groups would be like a mythological hydra. Cut off one head, and more will sprout to take their place.
Ah, well. If Dubya claims this as a victory, or even the victory on the "War on Terror", he's going to have an extremely severe and anatomically inconvenient case of "foot in mouth".
Just in case ol' Osama is dead, however, I have found an excellent eulogy. Take it away, anonymous joke writer.
To: All Al Queda Fighters
Subject: The Cave
Internal Memo. Do Not Distribute Outside The
Organisation.
Hi guys. We've all been putting in long hours recently
but we've really come together as a group and I love that! However, while we are fighting a jihad, we can't forget to take care of the cave, and frankly I have a few concerns:
FIRST of all, while it's good to be concerned about
cruise missiles, we should be even more concerned about the dust in our cave. We want to avoid excessive dust inhalation, (a health and safety issue) so we need to sweep the cave daily. I've done my bit on the cleaning rota...have you?
I've posted a sign-up sheet near the cave reception area (next to the halal toaster).
SECOND: it's not often I make a video address but when
I do, I'm trying to scare the s**t out of most of the world's population, okay? That means that while we're taping, please do not ride your scooter in the background or keep doing the 'Wassup' thing. Thanks.
THIRD: Food. I bought a box of Dairylea cheese recently,
clearly wrote "Ossy" on the front, and put it on the top shelf. Today, two of my Dairylea slices were gone. Consideration. That's all I'm saying.
FOURTH: I'm not against team spirit and all that, but
we must distance ourselves from the Infidel's bat and ball games. Please do not chant "Ossy, Ossy, Ossy, Oy, Oy, Oy" when I ride past on the donkey. Thanks.
FIVE: Graffiti. Whoever wrote "OSAMA F***S DONKEYS" on the group toilet wall?.. It's a lie, the donkey backed into me, whilst I was relieving myself at the edge of the mountain.
SIX: The use of chickens is strictly for food.
Assam, the old excuse that the 'chicken backed into me, whilst I was relieving myself at the edge of the mountain' will not be accepted in future. (With donkeys, there is a grey area.)
FINALLY, we've heard that there may be Western soldiers in disguise trying to infiltrate our ranks. I want to set up patrols to look for them.
First patrol will be Omar, Muhammad, Abdul, Akbar and Dave.
Love you lots,
Group Hug.
Os.
PS - I'm sick of having "Osama's Bed Linen" scribbled on my laundry bag.
Cut it out, it's not funny anymore. "
_________________
(No longer a mod)
On sabbatical...
If he was killed it would have some symbolic effect.
Eg the Twin Towers falling down in the grand scheme of things it wasn't a whole lot of damage, it's hardly going to cripple America in the long term, it's more of an annoying mosquito bite than gaping wound, but the symbolic effect (or psychological impact, to be more technical) was rather large in proportion to the actual physical damage. When people saw that they no longer felt as safe, even though percentage wise their chances of death by terrorism remain very small.
Bin Ladens death would be much the same, little actual impact because he doesn't actually do much, but it would be a psychological victory to the west as most people think Terrorism and they think of Bin Laden, so if he is dead people will feel a bit safer, even if it doesn't make any actual difference to terrorism.
Considering that Osama's kidneys have been ill for a long time and that he's been living in a cave, probably with a minimum of medical care, I would be surprised if he hasn't been dead for a couple of years at least. Sometimes I think that these video tapes and stuff showing him alive were made up by the CIA to keep people in fear of terrorism, honestly speaking.
_________________
Let come what will, I'll try it on,
My condition can't be worse;
And if there's money in that box,
'Tis munny in my purse.
I think similarly, except that al Qaeda used pre-recorded tapes to kepp the myth alive, so to speak.
_________________
(No longer a mod)
On sabbatical...
That's like saying Oswald acted alone shooting JFK. He either acted alone, or he was part of a small cabal of nuts.
And you accused me of going off topic in another thread?
The CIA, as with any other agency, should not be above the law in any country per se, as should any other foreign intelligence service (MI6, ASIS).
_________________
(No longer a mod)
On sabbatical...
Of course they shouldn't, but theory is one thing and practice is another. Even the Swedish SÄPO is above the law, though they'd never admit it, of course.
_________________
Let come what will, I'll try it on,
My condition can't be worse;
And if there's money in that box,
'Tis munny in my purse.
I think burst a lung reading that memo. I'm not sure on the whole 'death' thing, seeing as it's come out of the blue. Even if he is dead...like it's been said, it'd probably have little or no impact on the world. It's been too long for anybody to frankly care. Maybe there'll be some minor celebration in certain areas, but on the whole...nah.
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