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My friggin anus is closed up PLEASE help

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Wolfmaster
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23 Oct 2011, 9:52 am

The_Perfect_Storm wrote:
Alright now listen to me.

What you have to do is slowly force back open the entry point. You'll need to use your little finger and you'll need to be gentle. This could take anywhere from 15 minutes to an hour and you'll need to wash afterwards. With your finger gently poke 'open' the anus. Gently stretch out the opening until you can fit your whole finger in there. Then work your up the rest of your fingers until you get to the one with the most girth (usually the thumb). Ideally the hole will be big enough to pass waste, otherwise you're in trouble.

Be persistent and with a bit of luck you'll pull through this.

You can do it man.

EDIT: Oh right, you did it. Well maybe next time.


No, i didnt do that. i simply just got it to come ouy after awhile, but i did try that



Synecdoche
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23 Oct 2011, 3:15 pm

That's good that you're feeling better now. You should still check up with the doctor just to make sure nothing is wrong with your body.



techstepgenr8tion
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23 Oct 2011, 3:32 pm

Sounds like a good case to have a bottle of magnesium stearate in the medicine cabinet when you need it? That's the direction I'd probably try. Better that than making a whole new exit. 8O


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snapcap
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23 Oct 2011, 6:05 pm

You need to clean up your diet or else you're going to get your hemorrhoids removed at your doctor's office. You think having a syringe jammed up your anus feels good? 8O

+1 for having the funniest Subject line I've seen since I've been here.



Wolfmaster
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23 Oct 2011, 8:14 pm

Aspie1 wrote:
When you say "closed up", do you mean literally or metaphorically?

If metaphorically, try epsom salts. Mix 3 teaspoons in a glass of water, stir, and drink. It has a nasty, almost metallic taste, but just tune it out and chug it. Wait a few hours. It'll clean your system out like a plumbing snake. Epsom salts work by causing a mild toxicity in your colon, causing it to rapidly absorb water from your body. The extra water softens the stools, and after about half a day of you dealing with diarrhea, the effects will go away.

If literally, stop reading this site and go to the hospital. If your anus physically closed up, you're going to have very serious health problems if you don't get it take care of immediately.
Literally



KemoreJ
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23 Oct 2011, 8:59 pm

I'm glad you got through it. For future reference:

Most things descirbed here are short term remedies which will make constipation worse in the long run. (No disrespect intended).

Lay off the spicy foods. (Do some research for yourself - don't just listen to me). Pungent foods, of which chili is the worst, will dry your body, especially the colon.

All stimulants will increase anxiety in the long term. Coffee particularly, though it can be great if you've got to get to a meeting or something and want to be clean for a few hours. Coffee is particularly drying.

Senna is great in the short term and one of the least damaging to the body but as it stimulates peristalsis it can weaken ones natural mechanisms. I am speaking from experience here :wink: The evidence is there also if you need it on the net.

I hope things stay regular for you.

:D


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Dilbert
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26 Oct 2011, 4:10 pm

A cup of hot black coffee. Relief in about an hour.

Seconded for a higher fiber diet! Next time you buy cereal look at the fiber content on the ingredients label. Some cereals have hardly any fiber.



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27 Oct 2011, 12:11 pm

Eating should stimulate your bowel system; though normally we can neglect it and ignore it. Try to sit on the toilet as soon as you eat something and take advantage of the nervous system kicking in.

By the way, don't try too hard when on the toilet, the stress of it may kick in your nervous system ever so slightly and suppress you GI even more. Read a book and take your time; try not to freak out like you did earlier.


If you are not doing #2 daily, you probably should try taking advantage of the automatic response of the body and try yourself on the toilet after meals; as that is the best time to force it out.


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