Lists of female aspie traits making you feel less female

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tropicalcows
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31 Oct 2011, 12:20 pm

I can relate to nearly all of the list of female aspie traits. However, I don't identify as very feminine. I dressed like a tomboy as a small child, although I loved pink and Barbie dolls. I never liked dresses or skirts. I don't wear make-up due to my skin sensitivity. The stuff that is supposed to be hypoallergenic makes my skin itch and burn still. I also can't wear any earrings, high quality or not. My ears become instantly inflamed and bleed.



dryope
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15 Jan 2015, 11:31 pm

I think this is a great thread and a lot here definitely speaks to my experience, too. I was generally well behaved in school because the rules were clear, the work was easy but interesting, and I didn't have to talk to anyone. I had power struggles with teachers only because of misunderstandings or when I thought the rules were stupid. Now, at work, the exact same pattern continues: I'm a good girl until I'm suddenly not.

I think it's partly personality conflicts: some people just don't get me or trust me and it's all from them misreading me or me misreading them. And they hate discussing the problem, because obviously I'm the problem. My first-grade teacher called me "willful" and my current supervisor has other words for it.

All this stuff fits the "gifted child" paradigm, too. There are tons of books on that. I think there's a huge overlap between the "gifted" thing and Asperger's. The struggles seem to be similar in school and at work.

About feeling female: I almost never do, but I dressed super female on purpose. Flower, pastels, long skirts, long hair. Then, a few years ago, I realized I didn't have to anymore. I'm well into adulthood and I know who I am. So I just wear a basic black dress with tights and it's totally awesome. I look and feel feminine -- enough.

I still sometimes realize I smell though. Ugh. I hate hygiene. Such a waste of time.



nerdygirl
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16 Jan 2015, 7:04 am

No list of female Aspie traits could make me feel less female than I already have my whole life. When I started investigating how AS can show up in females (and I know we are all different), I was greatly relieved to see that I wasn't just simply a weirdo.

I never had any of the stereotypical interests of girls my age, and still don't want to talk about the same things as most women.
In school, I was a mix of being a goody two-shoes and well-behaved for the teachers, but outspoken both in class and in peer relationships.
I had a bit of a temper, but I was generally self-controlled enough to not get in trouble at school. I did hit one girl at school in 3rd grade once, but that was the only time I ever acted out at school.
I was "gifted" and all the problems I had, from social difficulties to "living in outer space", was attributed to that.

I have become comfortable with being a woman, just an off-brand.



michael517
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16 Jan 2015, 12:53 pm

(3135 posts, holy cats! I can't believe I am attempting to give advice to someone with that much time on the forum! Who am I?)

I think many Aspies on this site can come up with specific examples of how they differ from the list of (non-gender) Aspie traits.

In my case, I like to try different foods when at restaurants, or I can't stand taking the same way home, I have to vary it up.

I also think that the lists of Aspie traits usually point that 1) your are not an Aspie if you have one of the many traits and 2) you can be an Aspie even if you don't have all of them. That's what makes it so difficult to diagnose. Its not Chicken Pox.

====================================================

Ugh - sorry, I fell for an old post.



Joe90
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16 Jan 2015, 1:59 pm

Before I met my partner, and when I was a teenager, I used to think I wasn't that feminine at all. But the more I spend time with my partner the more feminine I feel I really am. I like shopping, gossiping with my female friends/female colleagues, fussing over my hair, I don't wear much make up but I do like to put on lipstick, I like relaxing in bubble bath, I don't burp or fart in front of my boyfriend (at least I try not to), and my handbag is always cluttered up with stuff most women like to take out with them, like purses, lipstick, mirror, bottles of scent, etc. Also I always like to look trendy too.

I like some films he likes, like rude comedies, but films what involve men fighting with guns or swords, or men running about in streets at night in gangs and in and out of cars and shooting each other and learing at sexy women, just don't appeal to me, while my boyfriend can sit and watch those for hours;
Fast And Furious, Star Trek, James Bond, Batman, those western films, to name a few, I all find very tedious. I like dramas, documentaries, wildlife/historical programmes, some cartoons, and some game shows I find entertaining. Lucky for me he likes most of those too. One good thing is we both dislike celebrity shows like X-factor.


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09 Apr 2020, 10:53 am

I can't say a lot about the female traits but do agree was in trouble in the early school yrs.Then changed to being shy due to learning to mask.



AriaEclipse
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09 Apr 2020, 11:49 am

Honestly, for me, I think I have a mix of the "female" and "male" traits. I've always thought of myself as not very stereotypically "girly" but somewhat of a tomboy that wasn't into sports (the other tomboy-ish girls I knew as a kid loved and played sports while I had zero interest) but I loved reading any books I could get my hands on, studying animals, cars, history, and science. I dressed in female clothes but very basic ones, like somewhat plain or simple patterned shirts and leggings as I not only have sensory issues with clothes, I wasn't really into fashion either. I tried to always be on the "good side" of teachers and cried if I thought a teacher didn't like me or I got yelled at (which only happened a few times). I did very well academically. The thing about special interests and me is that mine are always very intense, not often things that were feminine or popular with my peers, and I want to talk and think about them all the time, which was at least a few occasions what got me yelled at by my teachers. I was pretty quiet but also did like raising my hand to answer questions.

I really like what nerdygirl said about being comfortable with being a female, and "just an off-brand". That's how I feel too.


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09 Apr 2020, 2:46 pm

I also loved to read in school that is one of my special [interest] was not good in English.