40+ Something Love & Dating - Who to Date (1 of 10)

Page 2 of 4 [ 59 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2, 3, 4  Next

fragaria
Blue Jay
Blue Jay

User avatar

Joined: 18 May 2011
Age: 58
Gender: Female
Posts: 78

04 Nov 2011, 2:00 am

I found my current boyfriend via an online dating site, the only way for me to socialise and find friends.
He is 12 years younger and luckily doesn't want children because that would be a problem at my age.



Aspie_SE10
Velociraptor
Velociraptor

User avatar

Joined: 14 Jan 2011
Age: 50
Gender: Male
Posts: 461

04 Nov 2011, 5:23 am

HopefulRomantic wrote:
Aspie_SE10 wrote:
HopefulRomantic wrote:
Aspie_SE10 wrote:
Am I allowed to just say hyperlexian?


Absolutely! How are you?


Very well, thank you - how's NC?


NC has been unseasonably cold at night after the sun has gone down! Other than that, everything is status quo. Thank you for asking!

By the way, are from across the pond (if not too personal)? Please advise! Thanks!


I am indeed on the eastern (cultured, refined, history-rich) side of t'Atlantic :D



Aspie_SE10
Velociraptor
Velociraptor

User avatar

Joined: 14 Jan 2011
Age: 50
Gender: Male
Posts: 461

04 Nov 2011, 5:38 am

hyperlexian wrote:
Aspie_SE10 wrote:
Am I allowed to just say hyperlexian?

oh, you scamp!

i do have a boyfriend though. i met him on here, so i fully believe that WP is a viable arena to meet someone. you are quite awesome, and i find myself agreeing with a lot of your ideas and opinions. you seem like quite a catch (for someone available)!


Glad to hear that you've got yourself a BF :) ... and if it doesn't work out, well, you know where I am!

:D



HopefulRomantic
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

User avatar

Joined: 11 Aug 2010
Age: 55
Gender: Female
Posts: 399
Location: Atlanta, GA

04 Nov 2011, 6:20 am

hyperlexian wrote:
Aspie_SE10 wrote:
Am I allowed to just say hyperlexian?

oh, you scamp!

i do have a boyfriend though. i met him on here, so i fully believe that WP is a viable arena to meet someone. you are quite awesome, and i find myself agreeing with a lot of your ideas and opinions. you seem like quite a catch (for someone available)!



Hyperlexian Baby Sister,

Well, how does it feel to be the belle of the ball? Shall we call you Scarlett? LOL!!

How are you doing Scarlett?

You raised a goof point maybe WP is a viable arena in which to meet someone - you never know!!

Scarlett - I hope to see you posting all over these boards!! !

Hugs,
Leslie



HopefulRomantic
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

User avatar

Joined: 11 Aug 2010
Age: 55
Gender: Female
Posts: 399
Location: Atlanta, GA

04 Nov 2011, 6:22 am

fragaria wrote:
I found my current boyfriend via an online dating site, the only way for me to socialise and find friends.
He is 12 years younger and luckily doesn't want children because that would be a problem at my age.


Fragaria,

Hello! Congratulations on the relationship! May I please ask on which site you met your guy?

Thanks and hope to see more posts from you!

Leslie



HopefulRomantic
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

User avatar

Joined: 11 Aug 2010
Age: 55
Gender: Female
Posts: 399
Location: Atlanta, GA

04 Nov 2011, 6:34 am

Aspie_SE10 wrote:
HopefulRomantic wrote:
Aspie_SE10 wrote:
HopefulRomantic wrote:
Aspie_SE10 wrote:
Am I allowed to just say hyperlexian?


Absolutely! How are you?


Very well, thank you - how's NC?


NC has been unseasonably cold at night after the sun has gone down! Other than that, everything is status quo. Thank you for asking!

By the way, are from across the pond (if not too personal)? Please advise! Thanks!


I am indeed on the eastern (cultured, refined, history-rich) side of t'Atlantic :D


Aspie SE10,

Scarlett (Hyperlexian) is correct in calling you a scamp! LOL. In all seriousness, I am an Anglophile myself. I love all things European in general (mostly western Europe). I have only been to London once back in 1999. Westminster Abbey is the most magnificent man-made place I have ever been in my life for a myriad of reasons. They include: (1) it is an architectural marvel - especially considering the engineering/construction technology they had available at that time (2) the English were visionaries in that they knew 1,000 years to preserve their history (i.e. the coronation throne from 1301) and (3) to the best of my knowledge there are more brilliant philosophers, statesmen and stateswomen, composers, literary figures, artists, and scientists (who revolutionized the world) buried there - than anywhere else in the entire world!

So yes, I agree with your assessment![b]



hyperlexian
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 21 Jul 2010
Age: 48
Gender: Female
Posts: 22,023
Location: with bucephalus

04 Nov 2011, 7:51 am

mv, that makes perfect sense about waiting to date until you have other reasons, but i hope you are still open to it because if you get involved in cooking and sex with someone, you may fall in love for no good reason at all. and that would be just great for you maybe! HR: lol yes i'll be scarlett lol


_________________
on a break, so if you need assistance please contact another moderator from this list:
http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt237032.html


gadge
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 20 Mar 2011
Age: 56
Gender: Male
Posts: 805

04 Nov 2011, 8:25 am

hyperlexian wrote:
mv, that makes perfect sense about waiting to date until you have other reasons, but i hope you are still open to it because if you get involved in cooking and sex with someone, you may fall in love for no good reason at all. and that would be just great for you maybe! HR: lol yes i'll be scarlett lol


Falling in love for no good reason other than to love and be loved is a great reason.! !! !
Hoping, wishing and actively persuing it when you are not ready for it....... ummmm not so much

kinda like trying to walk on a broken leg that hasn't had time to heal properly,


_________________
"I feel as if I am walking in the rain, everyone else has an umbrella,
but I do not. I am soaked to the bone and shivering from the cold."


Moog
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 25 Feb 2010
Age: 41
Gender: Male
Posts: 17,671
Location: Untied Kingdom

04 Nov 2011, 9:18 am

Hey HR, would you mind not writing entire posts in bold, this is a trend I do not like.


_________________
Not currently a moderator


mv
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 17 Jun 2010
Age: 52
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,131

04 Nov 2011, 11:53 am

HopefulRomantic wrote:
MV,

Yes, I am in that kind of funk but actually I am glad I am. I am nearly fully healed from an intense, fun, passionate relationship that was wonderful (and I mean wonderful in some ways) but unhealthy in others. I always have to just drop out of dating for a while - like several months to rebuild. When I fall for someone, I fall hard (he did too)! It did not help that he and I tried getting back together two times in May and August - big mistake!

MV- what qualities do you seek in a viable romantic match (physical and cerebral)? Do you see a viable romantic match as a "total package"? What age range are you seeking? What are your relationship goals (activity partner, short term dating or do you want a shot at a long term exclusive committed relationship? Would you ever get married again if you found a suitable guy who chimed your bell on all fronts and he was good to your children? Are you open to relocation? Would you date a guy who has children from a previous relationship? Do you have any other dealbreaker preferences that automatically excludes certain guys? What are your hobbies/interests and passions? Will you date NTs? Do you prefer Aspies?

If you are amenable to answering these questions, I think we might be able to sort things out and develop a worthwhile game plan for you. Please allow me to clarify this -in no way do I mean to suggest you need to answer these questions publically. And, maybe for your purposes you don't need ask yourself or answer them at all. For my own sake and the way I solve problems for myself, I need to go through this exercise. It's difficult but it gives me the answers I seek. Sort of along lines of seek and you shall find.

In the interest of reciprocity, I plan on answering all of the above questions myself after I return from dinner later tonight!

MV- thanks for making this post because I wanted to do it. Quite frankly, these are the type of posts that I find the most worthwhile because it engenders brainstorming!

And lastly thanks for making the suggestion last week about the necessity for a 40something thread in the first place! Great idea MV!! !!

Heck I will even answer them publically - be a guinea pig of sorts!



Post will be forthcoming shortly! Competing priorities and all that jazz!


Woof, this is a lot to respond to! Thank you, HopefulRomantic, for your thoughtful response.

Okay: 1) it seems like I never fully heal from bad things happening to me. I've been divorced for almost five years and though the immediacy of it is gone, the rest of the feelings are still there. I tried online dating at first, a while back, and that resulted in tons and tons of dates. First dates. I went on second and subsequent dates with some of the guys, but in the end it just did nothing but agitate me since it was so much socialization and no prospects shook out of the process. I did try to delve into more-involved relationships with people who weren't quite right for me, but it just ended in disaster. That was over two years ago, and I'm still reeling from that, too.

Conventional therapy has never worked for me, I think because I'm an undiagnosed Aspie. They don't understand me and I certainly don't understand them.

I'm not always a shrinking flower: I chat up people in the grocery store, in line for coffee, even at bars. It's just practice for me (and I enjoy it, mostly), I just wish it could go somewhere.

2) What am I looking for? Good question. I don't think I want to be married again. It would take an absolutely extraordinary person who could tolerate being married to me if I were to be fully true to myself. I might do it if I really loved the person and we were extraordinarily otherwise-compatible and it was important to him, but I'd have to be on board with why it was so important to him. The father of my kids is still in the picture, a lot, and many men are threatened by that even though I wouldn't let him ever, ever, ever touch me again, even if it meant curing cancer. I guess I would like a sometimes-companion, but one who understood why I go into weird, fugue, shutdown modes from time to time and someone who understood that I need a lot of alone time. I'm really bad at correctly-anticipating other people's needs or emotions or reactions (my theory of mind is for s**t).

I tend to look for men who are cerebral (intellectual?) and good-natured with humility but not "pushoverness". I'm attracted to a quiet confidence. I'm kind of picky on the physical side, too, since I have to be able to picture myself sleeping with him at some point (but not so picky as to demand: "must look like x"). I like men with a good sense of humor, but not ones who need to entertain me (I'm funnier than most people, I think, and that can certainly be threatening to men, too). I could go as high as five years older than me (I'm 44) or maybe higher if he were really healthy and really well-preserved (once they get into that looks-like-he-could-be-my-father mode, I can't do it). I could go as low as five years younger than me. More, if he were very mature (and could stomach sleeping with an old lady! :wink: ).

I have no problem dating a single dad, though (I admitted this on another forum here) I am suspicious of dads who don't have a lot of custody of their kids. I know, situations differ, age of kids and all that makes certain custody arrangements untenable, but my first thought is always, "Why doesn't she trust him with the kids?" It's a ridiculous bias, I know, especially because a more freed-up dad would have more time to date me. I'm like my own worst enemy!

Other than cooking, my hobbies and interests are singular and/or girly. I'm into the fabric arts (you name it, I've dabbled), other crafts, and lots of solitary reading. I do like science fiction, but not in a social way (I can't see going to a con, for example, but I would try it). I have a bucket list that gets longer every year because right now I don't have time to pursue everything I'm interested in. For example, if I had time and money and resources, I would audit classes at MIT pretty much nonstop. Even now, my custody arrangement is too weird for me to be able to commit to something that meets the same time each week, and most educational things around here are hella expensive, too.

I have no qualms about dating Aspies except that I've met men who are "too Aspie" for me. Ones with extreme social difficulty, and when you add in my social deficits, it's a mess. Plus (and I really HATE to say this): some men are threatened by sexual experience that does not match their own. There are certainly men who are way, way, way too extroverted for me, as well.

3) I cannot relocate, because kids' custody is 50/50 and my job is also here. The only immediate dealbreakers I can think of are smoking (anytime) and drugs (in front of me and my kids). Of course I have a list of other dealbreakers, but they are dependent on scope and level it would affect me. Things like misogyny, extreme, intolerant religious faith, etc. These are more things that are likely to spell incompatibility with me in the long run.

Just a question: what is short-term dating? I don't think I could ever bring myself to engage in an intimate relationship if I knew it was destined to have an expiration date. I guess I'm very all-or-nothing about things (another shot into my own foot!).



Aspie_SE10
Velociraptor
Velociraptor

User avatar

Joined: 14 Jan 2011
Age: 50
Gender: Male
Posts: 461

04 Nov 2011, 11:58 am

HopefulRomantic wrote:
Aspie_SE10 wrote:
HopefulRomantic wrote:
Aspie_SE10 wrote:
HopefulRomantic wrote:
Aspie_SE10 wrote:
Am I allowed to just say hyperlexian?


Absolutely! How are you?


Very well, thank you - how's NC?


NC has been unseasonably cold at night after the sun has gone down! Other than that, everything is status quo. Thank you for asking!

By the way, are from across the pond (if not too personal)? Please advise! Thanks!


I am indeed on the eastern (cultured, refined, history-rich) side of t'Atlantic :D


Aspie SE10,

Scarlett (Hyperlexian) is correct in calling you a scamp! LOL. In all seriousness, I am an Anglophile myself. I love all things European in general (mostly western Europe). I have only been to London once back in 1999. Westminster Abbey is the most magnificent man-made place I have ever been in my life for a myriad of reasons. They include: (1) it is an architectural marvel - especially considering the engineering/construction technology they had available at that time (2) the English were visionaries in that they knew 1,000 years to preserve their history (i.e. the coronation throne from 1301) and (3) to the best of my knowledge there are more brilliant philosophers, statesmen and stateswomen, composers, literary figures, artists, and scientists (who revolutionized the world) buried there - than anywhere else in the entire world!

So yes, I agree with your assessment![b]


My office is the grand total of 200yards from westminster abbey :)



HopefulRomantic
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

User avatar

Joined: 11 Aug 2010
Age: 55
Gender: Female
Posts: 399
Location: Atlanta, GA

04 Nov 2011, 12:27 pm

Moog wrote:
Hey HR, would you mind not writing entire posts in bold, this is a trend I do not like.


Moog,

Done! Moog, what is up with you? Even though you are 32, it seems to me you fit in the fortysomething age bracket. Please advise if we are going to see some posting by you - I think you would add a lot of value here!

And if you generate interesting, thought-provoking posts, then I just might adopt you as one of my Baby Brothers. Any thoughts on that?

Hope to see you all over these boards!

Leslie



Last edited by HopefulRomantic on 04 Nov 2011, 12:41 pm, edited 1 time in total.

HopefulRomantic
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

User avatar

Joined: 11 Aug 2010
Age: 55
Gender: Female
Posts: 399
Location: Atlanta, GA

04 Nov 2011, 12:30 pm

Aspie_SE10 wrote:
HopefulRomantic wrote:
Aspie_SE10 wrote:
HopefulRomantic wrote:
Aspie_SE10 wrote:
HopefulRomantic wrote:
Aspie_SE10 wrote:
Am I allowed to just say hyperlexian?


Absolutely! How are you?


Very well, thank you - how's NC?


NC has been unseasonably cold at night after the sun has gone down! Other than that, everything is status quo. Thank you for asking!

By the way, are from across the pond (if not too personal)? Please advise! Thanks!


I am indeed on the eastern (cultured, refined, history-rich) side of t'Atlantic :D


Aspie SE10,

Scarlett (Hyperlexian) is correct in calling you a scamp! LOL. In all seriousness, I am an Anglophile myself. I love all things European in general (mostly western Europe). I have only been to London once back in 1999. Westminster Abbey is the most magnificent man-made place I have ever been in my life for a myriad of reasons. They include: (1) it is an architectural marvel - especially considering the engineering/construction technology they had available at that time (2) the English were visionaries in that they knew 1,000 years to preserve their history (i.e. the coronation throne from 1301) and (3) to the best of my knowledge there are more brilliant philosophers, statesmen and stateswomen, composers, literary figures, artists, and scientists (who revolutionized the world) buried there - than anywhere else in the entire world!

So yes, I agree with your assessment![b]


My office is the grand total of 200yards from westminster abbey :)


Lucky you! What marvelous activities will you be partaking in this weekend in London?



HopefulRomantic
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

User avatar

Joined: 11 Aug 2010
Age: 55
Gender: Female
Posts: 399
Location: Atlanta, GA

04 Nov 2011, 12:34 pm

Aspie_SE10 wrote:
HopefulRomantic wrote:
Aspie_SE10 wrote:
HopefulRomantic wrote:
Aspie_SE10 wrote:
HopefulRomantic wrote:
Aspie_SE10 wrote:
Am I allowed to just say hyperlexian?


Absolutely! How are you?


Very well, thank you - how's NC?


NC has been unseasonably cold at night after the sun has gone down! Other than that, everything is status quo. Thank you for asking!

By the way, are from across the pond (if not too personal)? Please advise! Thanks!


I am indeed on the eastern (cultured, refined, history-rich) side of t'Atlantic :D


Aspie SE10,

Scarlett (Hyperlexian) is correct in calling you a scamp! LOL. In all seriousness, I am an Anglophile myself. I love all things European in general (mostly western Europe). I have only been to London once back in 1999. Westminster Abbey is the most magnificent man-made place I have ever been in my life for a myriad of reasons. They include: (1) it is an architectural marvel - especially considering the engineering/construction technology they had available at that time (2) the English were visionaries in that they knew 1,000 years to preserve their history (i.e. the coronation throne from 1301) and (3) to the best of my knowledge there are more brilliant philosophers, statesmen and stateswomen, composers, literary figures, artists, and scientists (who revolutionized the world) buried there - than anywhere else in the entire world!

So yes, I agree with your assessment![b]


My office is the grand total of 200yards from westminster abbey :)


By the way, have you lived among us Yankees? I noticed you used the word yards. Please advise!

I read on the Internet today that on 11/7/11 they are starting to film the new James Bond film with hottie Daniel Craig! I love James Bond films - Connery is the best Bond ever. Who is your favorite Bond?



HopefulRomantic
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

User avatar

Joined: 11 Aug 2010
Age: 55
Gender: Female
Posts: 399
Location: Atlanta, GA

04 Nov 2011, 12:39 pm

hyperlexian wrote:
mv, that makes perfect sense about waiting to date until you have other reasons, but i hope you are still open to it because if you get involved in cooking and sex with someone, you may fall in love for no good reason at all. and that would be just great for you maybe! HR: lol yes i'll be scarlett lol


Hello Scarlett!