What makes you not want to look into other people's eyes ?

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Aimless
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04 Nov 2011, 9:05 pm

ediself wrote:
I'm just going to put this out there, but....does it seem sexual to anyone else? Like a sexual eye contact. Like, by looking at the person in the eyes in a non agressive way, when I'm not giving them the deathly autistic "my eyes can kill" look, and if i'm in no way attracted to them, it feels like unwanted sexual contact for both of us (I mean I'm feeling awkward for....eye raping a person I don't even find hot in the first place)
If I AM attracted to the person (and not in a relationship with them) , it feels like confessing lust. Weird, or not so much?


Yes, I feel that sometimes, definitely.


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Verdandi
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04 Nov 2011, 10:04 pm

I do find it strange that people call eyes the windows to the soul. Mostly I find that eyes are just what someone else said above - gooey stuff and collagen. Also, eye colors tend to very strongly trigger my color->taste synaesthesia.



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04 Nov 2011, 11:28 pm

There's something about looking into human eyes that makes my mind go blank...



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04 Nov 2011, 11:48 pm

TheMatrixHasYou wrote:
It feels like they are staring into my soul. :(

This! It feels FAR too intimate. I'm only comfortable making eye contact with girls I'm with/have a romantic and/or sexual connection with.



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04 Nov 2011, 11:52 pm

I think along the lines as myth about this subject. There does seem to be some kind of 'rape' often occurring when I look that closely at a person. It very much seems like an invasion when I do it to someone else...and the only thing I can think next for that is there must be 'levels' to visually interacting with somebody. There are ways of respecting someone else's 'bubble', their visual privacy, and when I bypass the 2 or 3 more polite, more courteous and respectful levels to just jump right into a level that, to me, is only one or two levels away from outright 'stripping' them... it's as if I've corrupted my own sense of morals/ethics -- all in the name of performing an act 'they' say is appropriate and expected. I can already see/understand so much about a person before I ever get around to making the type/length of eye contact 'they' or society demands, yet they're sure I'm not seeing/understanding what I need/should be because I haven't used my eyes (MY eyes...shouldn't be at their command) in the ways they think fitting. When I do use my eyes 'their' way, I see even more. I see too much. Jumping into such a hastened familiarity ('intimacy') seems...FEELS... wrong to/for my own code. It's too close to having some raunchy magazine shoved in my hands, told to scrutinize the material, and then scornfully questioned as to why I'm so 'squeamish'. ...bleeech.


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Tamsin
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05 Nov 2011, 1:27 am

I can't explain exactly why, it just makes me uncomfortable. When I was younger I couldn't have pictures in my room because I felt like the people or animals were staring at me. For years I didn't even know what color my eyes were because I would never even look myself in the eye and I avoided mirrors altogether.



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05 Nov 2011, 2:59 am

It just makes me uncomfortable. Especially if they're looking at me at the same time. I'm always afraid if I do look at them, it will be creepy and make them feel uncomfortable. And I'm shy, so if I look at the person, it just makes it more obvious that I'm speaking to someone and my mind is more likely to go blank. If I pretend I'm talking to an object, it's easier.

Not to mention, if I look elsewhere, it clears up resources in the brain that normally would've been used for facial processing. I'd rather focus more on what I'm talking about.



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05 Nov 2011, 4:18 am

ediself wrote:
I'm just going to put this out there, but....does it seem sexual to anyone else? Like a sexual eye contact. Like, by looking at the person in the eyes in a non agressive way, when I'm not giving them the deathly autistic "my eyes can kill" look, and if i'm in no way attracted to them, it feels like unwanted sexual contact for both of us (I mean I'm feeling awkward for....eye raping a person I don't even find hot in the first place)
If I AM attracted to the person (and not in a relationship with them) , it feels like confessing lust. Weird, or not so much?


Yes I think it is kind of sexual. And lots of people have said I have nice eyes and so I get paranoid if I look someone in the eyes.



TheWingman
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05 Nov 2011, 4:58 am

Lately, I met this guy, the boyfriend of my flatmate, he has only 5% of vision and is nearly blind so he just sees shapes but he hardly sees facial expressions. I found that speaking with him was a different experience from what speaking with someone normally is, because he doens't see my face. I find it very securing. I have no fear looking into his eyes when I speak to him. I found out that the fear of looking into somebody's eyes is more related to somebody looking into MY eyes.



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05 Nov 2011, 5:12 am

Sometimes it's easier to do than at other times. I can go from being very uncomfortable looking at someone I know in the eye to (days/weeks later) catching myself unintentionally staring them out (I think because i'm so fascinated that the discomfort has temporarily gone). It's just more tricky to achieve 'normal' eye-contact (whatever that means for such an individual / cultural variable).

One thing remains constant - I can look at someone, or listen to what they're saying, but not both. It'd be useful to have a flashcard to hold up that explains this - 'choose the former if you are only interested in superficial attention, choose the latter if you're actually bothered about having a meaningful interaction' :P

Tamsin wrote:
I can't explain exactly why, it just makes me uncomfortable. When I was younger I couldn't have pictures in my room because I felt like the people or animals were staring at me. For years I didn't even know what color my eyes were because I would never even look myself in the eye and I avoided mirrors altogether.


Mmm. Yours is an extreme example, but I find mirrors uncomfortable for the same reason. OK as long as I don't have to look at myself in the eye. Why is this when it's 'ourselves' ? That suggests it's more something hardwired than social.



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05 Nov 2011, 5:42 am

Nier wrote:
Mmm. Yours is an extreme example, but I find mirrors uncomfortable for the same reason. OK as long as I don't have to look at myself in the eye. Why is this when it's 'ourselves' ? That suggests it's more something hardwired than social.


I keep the mirrors in my room behind the door facing the wall except when I'm using them.



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05 Nov 2011, 6:16 am

I have problems doing this, too. My dad was always adamant that I look people in the face when I'm speaking to them, and look them in the face when I shake their hand, too. He always says it's rude not to - but with some people, I really cannot help it. And it's not the people you might expect, either. I have a real problem looking my girlfriend in the face sometimes - and I always feel like it might be something to do with feeling slightly ashamed. Of what, I'm not entirely sure.

Jack



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05 Nov 2011, 6:49 am

I rarely look strangers in eye the because I feel uncomfortable about it. I only make real eye contact with friends and family. Usually while talking to strangers I look above their heads and trick them into thinking I'm making eye contact.



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05 Nov 2011, 7:18 am

I see looking into somebody's eyes as an extremely intimate gesture. It makes me feel exposed and embarrassed. It's a strange a concept to me as, say, "holding somebody's hand when you talk to them". I don't understand why it's necessary.



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05 Nov 2011, 7:36 am

I tend to look especially at people's mouth and I'm not sure about it, but I guess it helps me more to understand what they are saying, a little bit like "lip-reading", if this is a good word to describe it. I realized that I also do it watching the news, I focus at the mouth. Then I tried to focus at the newsreader's eyes and I a bit got confused.
So it is probably not that I don't "want" to look into people's eyes, but that it is more a necessity.
I guess, I still need to think a bit more about this.


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07 Nov 2011, 7:37 am

I agree with the lip-reading comment as well. I tend to have trouble filtering out noise in a noisy environment and can't hear the person who is talking to me so looking at their lips can help me figure out what they are saying.


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