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Burnbridge
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07 Nov 2011, 8:22 am

Ye, happens all the time. Sometimes I start the same sentence 4 or 5 times, and when I finally get a moment to interject the conversation has simply moved on to the point that my comment is no longer valid. At that point, I turn around and walk away.

I seem to have this problem less with feminists. They value listening to other people, and actively create space for others to speak. The flip side is that they devalue pedantic, authoritative monologues about your special interest. Oh, well...


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ictus75
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07 Nov 2011, 9:51 am

+1 This happens all the time. And even when I do manage to speak, people will interrupt, or start talking about a new subject.


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Joe90
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07 Nov 2011, 10:20 am

I can hear everything, and I never miss anyone speaking. The other night I was at my mum's friend's house with some of her friends, and my mum's friend's son was just about to go out to a party, and he said, ''goodbye!'' loudly and clearly in the hall, but nobody heard, only me. And so he came in and said goodbye again, then they heard. It's like when NTs have a conversation, they don't hear anything outside the conversation. This is where my Social Phobia comes from - I'm full of things to say, but I'm afraid to speak up because of the fear of not being listened to (even though when it does happen, it doesn't actually upset me much at all, but Social Phobia is mostly about irrational thoughts ain't it, which I have).

It's not that I speak quietly or mumble or anything. Often when I'm sitting in a room with all of my family, the dominent ones are talking the most of course, but then one of my cousins (who is a solumn, quiet teenager), often pipes up something when he finds a tiny gap, and he mumbles and doesn't look up or anything, but he still gets heard. But when I find a gap (because I'm not one to interrupt), I still don't get heard. Somebody talks over me.

And it's so weird when you're talking to somebody and they're not listening one bit, even though they look like they're listening and you're standing there talking about something relavent in a clear voice, and then they suddenly interrupt and talk about something else, and I'm like, ''what?'' I never do that. It's like sometimes NTs can be in their own world. Even when somebody's not saying anything what interests me, I still acknowledge them that I heard and give a little reply like ''yeah'' then I go onto what I got to say. And the excuse ''it's probably 'cos you were going on about the same thing...'' doesn't work on me, so don't give me that. I expect interruptions or the subject changing when I'm talking about the same thing or something irrelavent, but when I'm saying something what needs to be said then I don't expect it, but some people still do it. I don't get it, and it seems most NTs do this, and I never do.


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dobrolvr
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07 Nov 2011, 10:35 am

This happens to me with nearly every conversation I have, even if I'm the one who started the conversation. It makes me feel like no one ever cares what I have to say and that I shouldn't even bother talking. When I do try to keep interjecting, I feel like people are just tired of me being there.



jojobean
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07 Nov 2011, 10:38 am

Joe90 wrote:
I can hear everything, and I never miss anyone speaking. The other night I was at my mum's friend's house with some of her friends, and my mum's friend's son was just about to go out to a party, and he said, ''goodbye!'' loudly and clearly in the hall, but nobody heard, only me. And so he came in and said goodbye again, then they heard. It's like when NTs have a conversation, they don't hear anything outside the conversation. This is where my Social Phobia comes from - I'm full of things to say, but I'm afraid to speak up because of the fear of not being listened to (even though when it does happen, it doesn't actually upset me much at all, but Social Phobia is mostly about irrational thoughts ain't it, which I have).

It's not that I speak quietly or mumble or anything. Often when I'm sitting in a room with all of my family, the dominent ones are talking the most of course, but then one of my cousins (who is a solumn, quiet teenager), often pipes up something when he finds a tiny gap, and he mumbles and doesn't look up or anything, but he still gets heard. But when I find a gap (because I'm not one to interrupt), I still don't get heard. Somebody talks over me.

And it's so weird when you're talking to somebody and they're not listening one bit, even though they look like they're listening and you're standing there talking about something relavent in a clear voice, and then they suddenly interrupt and talk about something else, and I'm like, ''what?'' I never do that. It's like sometimes NTs can be in their own world. Even when somebody's not saying anything what interests me, I still acknowledge them that I heard and give a little reply like ''yeah'' then I go onto what I got to say. And the excuse ''it's probably 'cos you were going on about the same thing...'' doesn't work on me, so don't give me that. I expect interruptions or the subject changing when I'm talking about the same thing or something irrelavent, but when I'm saying something what needs to be said then I don't expect it, but some people still do it. I don't get it, and it seems most NTs do this, and I never do.



Ya and We are supposed to be the ones who dont listen well and are self-involved.
Yes, this happens to me in a group of 4 or more. I am just invalid to their conversation. When my dad drags me to christmas parties as his church...there are a few of them that will dominate the conversation and everyone pays attention to them, when I try to say something, nobody even looks at me, and proceed to talk over me. So I usually find the cook and have a one on one conversation.

Jojo


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jojobean
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07 Nov 2011, 10:41 am

NZaspiegirl016 wrote:
This happens to me quite a lot. I also get the "I wasn't talking to you. Stop eavesdropping" from one girl in particular, when I'm not too far from her and can hear everything she's saying without actually listening, I hear her saying stuff about me, then I'd say something back about it. Then she says what was indicated above.


Wow!! what a b*tch!!


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AardvarkGoodSwimmer
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11 Nov 2011, 5:00 pm

Burnbridge wrote:
Ye, happens all the time. Sometimes I start the same sentence 4 or 5 times, and when I finally get a moment to interject the conversation has simply moved on to the point that my comment is no longer valid. At that point, I turn around and walk away.

I seem to have this problem less with feminists. They value listening to other people, and actively create space for others to speak. The flip side is that they devalue pedantic, authoritative monologues about your special interest. Oh, well...

I think there is potential for meeting people interested in political activism. Although it's far from a sure thing. I was pretty disappointed when I got involved with the Green Party in 2000.

But I think people who question the system are somewhat more open, on average, to people who are different. Now, whether they have the specific skills to put this in action is a somewhat different matter.

PS I think there's also some potential for meeting people involved in community theater and the like.



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12 Nov 2011, 10:54 am

I was just talking about this in a thread about charisma recently. I find that I'm frequently not heard, even when I'm speaking audibly and I'm on topic. I'll provide some information regarding the topic at hand, and someone else will say something that makes it clear that they did not hear what I just said. For instance, there was once a drug bust at a place in the neighborhood where I work, not far from where I work. An office administrator had just been on the phone with someone who was asking about it, and after she got off the phone, she was talking to her assistant about how she didn't know the name of the place where the drug bust had occurred. I had googled all the information I could find on this drug bust after I realized that it took place so close to my place of work. I had been passing through this office at the time of this conversation, and I told them that I had located the name of this place, and then I said what the name of the place was. The other two women just kept on talking about how they didn't know the name of the place, how none of the articles they had read had mentioned it. :? I had just said the name of the place! I didn't even bother repeating myself again; it didn't feel worth it.
I'm guessing there are some nonverbal signals I'm supposed to be sending, and I'm failing o do so, since I'm not generally able to send these signals. Regardless of the reason, I don't seem to register much on most people's radars.
If there's a course being taught somewhere on these "listen to me talk" signals mentioned earlier in the thread, I need to sign up, I have serious problems with getting others to listen to me.


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jackbus01
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12 Nov 2011, 11:18 am

One surefire way I can tell if people are listening to me or not is to stop in mid-sentence. If I get ignored than I know people were not listening, if I get strange looks than I carry on.
Everyone should try this technique. It works great.



MysteriousMrR
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12 Nov 2011, 11:43 am

NZaspiegirl016 wrote:
This happens to me quite a lot. I also get the "I wasn't talking to you. Stop eavesdropping" from one girl in particular, when I'm not too far from her and can hear everything she's saying without actually listening, I hear her saying stuff about me, then I'd say something back about it. Then she says what was indicated above.


I dealt with this once back in high school. The odd thing is like a few weeks later, the guy was willing to be nice to me. I also have an older brother who does some form of this. Like if I do something he doesn't like or says something he thought was stupid and I can either hear him either telling my mom or someone else about it and even be in the same room with him. I remember confronting him about it once and he's acting like he did nothing wrong when he did (edit: I don't remember confronting him about it properly because I recall giving him the middle and saying F-you to him...which isn't very civil).

With the topic in general, yes, I don't get heard often. I feels like I'm always designated to be the bottom feeder of almost every group. It's also among the reasons I haven't had any real life friends for 10 years now.



Last edited by MysteriousMrR on 12 Nov 2011, 7:59 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Rhiannon0828
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12 Nov 2011, 12:40 pm

I have this problem a lot; as a result I'm very quiet and seldom try to join in conversations. Either I'm ignored or I get the "nobody was speaking to you" vibe (sometimes it's even said outloud).


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