My son has been diagnosed with ADHD,ODD.. AS is next

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Hello I am new to this forum and this is my first new topic post. I just began to read up on AS and I am almost sure that my son has a form of it. I made an appointment for monday to speek with his doctor about this.
My son who is 11 has been diagnosed with ADHA at age 3 and ODD at around age 9. There has always been something a little off with him and I have to admit that reading up on AS has lifted a huge weight off my shoulders knowing there is a reason for him acting the way that he does.. I know I am quick to assume that he has AS with out a true diagnosis. I would like to know what I should do as a parent when addressing this to his Doctor with out looking like I am pushing an AS diagnosis. I realize that my sons actions and behaviors should be black and white but there are some grey areas. He isnt physically clumbsy he actually great on his feet. He does make eye contact for the most part unless he is being scolded. If you read this far I thank you and hope that you continue to read. This is what makes me think he has AS.. He dosnt seem to understand how his behavior contributes to the actions or reactions of others, he has always repeated words or phrases, the word "Donuts" he has been blurting out for months now and it seem involuntary to him. He would rather play on the Wii or computer then socialize with people, He takes everything anyone says to him litterally to the T. He dosnt like people touching his things in his room, I could go in there a move 1 thing on his dresser and the moment he walks into the room he notices it and he has to move it back.. He blames others for his mistakes and he honestly believes he did nothing wrong. He dosnt understand simple hand gestures like for instance. If I am on the phone and he will come into the room and start to talk to me I hold up my hand as in wait a minute and his respoce is "What".. He has obsessive behaviors, right now for about 4 weeks it has been playing Call of Duty on the wii. He never much played with toys ever and when he did he would simple line up match box cars for hours or organize his army men that is how he would play..
I could continue to go on, but I think I said enough. I would appreicate any advice or your oppinion What do you think?? Thank you in advance!

I don't think anyone's behaviors and actions are black and white; AS is actually a very subjective diagnosis. You do mention things that seem to confirm your hunch.

How is school? Are there any issues that getting a label might help you address?

Otherwise, I would suggest you start by reading more on AS and trying out some of the parenting techniques we discuss here. If they work for you, maybe you won't need a label.

If you do want to pursue getting an official answer, I think you can tell the doctor pretty much what you've noted here. And see if your son is interested in being evaluated; he is old enough, and it sounds like he may be self aware enough, to be part of the decision.

The school has noticed him struggling for years. He has been in a resource room for a few hours a day for the past 3 yrs to help him, which he seems to enjoy a smaller setting and more one on one with the teacher. 4th grade he went from struggling in math to excelling in a short period of time. He still has problems with reading and writing and spelling. His latest IEP was all posative when in comes to his school work, his behavior and interations with others on the other had he still needs to work on.

Are there any issues that getting a label might help you address?
My husband for one does not tollerate my sons inability to follow simple directions at time.. Common Sence on my sons end is not there and it casues alot of tension with his father. I was hoping that if he does end up getting labeled maybe my husband wont be so hard on him and try and understand him more.

I will continue to read more on AS and trying out some of the parenting techniques on here that I have read thus far.

I see a lot of people say their kids make eye contact. I can make eye contact with most of my family members....my Mom, kids, husband, ect....even with very close friends but not with other people. So try to watch him with other people and see if the eye contact is different. Besides there are many Aspies that have no issues with eye contact and some will even stare into peoples eyes. Eyes freak me out, even pictures of eyes but I do feel comfortable enough to make eye contact with people I love and feel comfortable with.
I also notice right away when someone moves something and my family knows not to move MY stuff because I tend to freak out and Im 44. I need my things to be where I put them....this can be considered OCD but it is also part of my Aspergers.
I should think that even with the ADHD diagnosis that your husband should be more understanding. I should think that the words "attention deficit disorder" is pretty self explanatory! Following directions for someone with an attention deficit is very difficult and yes this can also go along with Autism/Aspergers.

Welcome to WP!
I don't know what the diagnosis process was like for you with the ADHD & ODD dx but when they evaluate a kiddo for autism or Asperger's, parent input on various questionaires is commonly part of the equation. I feel like I have filled out like 50 different questionaires asking slight variations on the same questions. So if you proceed with the evaluation for ASD you will get your chance to tell the doc (or whoever does the testing) your observations. Since you already have an IEP there may not be many changes at school with the addition of an ASD dx unless there are specific problems he is having that the current plan is not helping him cope with.
Your husband probably needs to learn that the term common sense should just be thrown out the window if you have anyone in your household who has any Aspie characteristics. In my mind its such a riduculous thing to say. What he is really saying is that it pisses him off that your son is unable to read his mind. How much sense does that make? Aspies and autistics need EXPLICIT instructions and descriptions. For ex. you are not likely to get the desired response if you tell an Aspie to clean up his room. That command is just too vague. You need to break things down and be very specific. Pick up your dirty clothes and put them in the hamper. Now that would work better. Yes this takes more effort on the part of the direction giver but so be it! It irks me when I hear that "common sense" thing.

Bombalo.. Yes I have noticed that I need to be very specific with him when it comes to anything. I asked him the other day to take care of the clean clothes I put in his room, I told him there was some on his bed and they needed to be taken care of before he went to bed so he had a place to sleep. He did so with out a problem but the basket of clean clothing on the floor next to his bed went un touched... I get alot of you "Never do that "responce from him. When It is something I do daily. He gets clues like if I put make up on or do my hair he says "where are you going?" And if I say no where I just decided today to look good He usually wants to bug and pick at me and push to see if I am going somewhere.. He would rather be a homebody if we have a family outing such as a shopping trip he would rather stay home. But if it is just me going some place we wants to go with me. He loves his one on one time with me. I always thought he was just being rude when he would interupt a conversation between adults he feels it is his turn to talk at all given times kinda like a sence of entitelment. He has a hard time with boundries, Nobody is allowed in his room unless on his terms, when he does for instance welcome his baby sister in there usually with in minutes he is getting angry that she is getting into his stuff and makng his rooma mess, Yet he feels he can so go into his sisters rooms and takes what he wants and dosnt see that it is a big deal to his sisters. I do give him heads up like You have 10 more minutes on the wii and then we have to get going. He wants to argue his point "I just got into a good game", Why do you ALWAYS make me get off right in the middle of a game". Where there are days I do not interupt his game play. He uses the words Always and Never to an extreme. He thinks his ideas are better then mine and he dosnt like change unless his is directally invloved in it such as cleaning the fish tank.. If I put the decorations back in the fish tank and he dosnt like the way I did it, it will bother him.. He will ask over and over or tell me to move things back around becasue they dont look right to him, he has even says the change in the fish tank makes him feel weird and comfomfortable.. He will continue and he wont give up untill they are moved or be becomes side tracked witch sometimes can take hours. And he sometimes would wait untill I leave the room and move the decorations back to where he liked them to be. Anyways these are just some of his little quirkes, I find him to be an absolute joy to be around for the most part and I seem to undrstand and have more patiences with him then the average person.

Definitely sounds like a lot of Aspie traits. Keep reading on this forum and I am sure you will find many similarities between your kiddo and others here!

Why not move away from AS to "autism spectrum disorder"? (Asperger's is only a small section of it.) Much of what you write could describe something on the spectrum so good luck in getting your son checked out