No wonder most Aspies have such low self-esteem!

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Joined: 4 Feb 2010
Gender: Female
Posts: 23,687
Location: Pacific Northwest

12 Jul 2019, 4:20 pm

When I look back, I think my mom did explain some of it when I would point it out and she would say "That was when you were having free time so that was okay at that time but in music class or during lessons, that isn't okay." She also did explain to me when there isn't an adult around, kids will start breaking rules to see if they can get away with it and they know when to stop. But I get in trouble because I don't know where the line is drawn and they do. All this was very confusing for me.

I have a quilt of labels. I had a language disorder and a speech disorder. Then communication disorder NOS. My other diagnoses have been Language Processing disorder, dyspraxia, SPD, OCD, ADD, Asperger’s, anxiety disorder, adjustment disorder, anorexia nervosa. My mom’s labels of me are: eating disorder, anorexia, social anxiety, PTSD, just being sensitive and having the victim complex when I was a kid. And of course she says I’m normal and says the only thing I had as a child was language. Huh? I must have been a shitty person then and maybe a difficult child I was who had to be labeled because of incompetent school staff and mean kids who didn’t accept differences and because I was trying to be “normal.” :/

My blog:

Mona Pereth

Joined: 11 Sep 2018
Age: 61
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,703
Location: New York City (Queens)

12 Jul 2019, 4:29 pm

TheOther wrote:
People with ASD's brains are better at focusing on one task intensely, at the expense of the ability to focus on many tasks simultaneously. This makes it really hard to, on the fly, figure out all of the factors that go into how a certain situation is going to play out and adjust accordingly. I think this also makes it harder for ASD people to understand where NT people are coming from.

That's true, but we also face a mutual empathy problem. See, for example:

- New Research Suggests Social Issues are Down to Neurotypicals more than Autistics
November 19, 2017
https://intersectionalneurodiversity.wo ... autistics/

- Neurotypical Peers are Less Willing to Interact with Those with Autism based on Thin Slice Judgments
Noah J. Sasson, Daniel J. Faso, Jack Nugent, Sarah Lovell, Daniel P. Kennedy & Ruth B. Grossman
Scientific Reports volume 7, Article number: 40700 (2017)

- How Easy is it to Read the Minds of People with Autism Spectrum Disorder?
Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders
April 2016, Volume 46, Issue 4, pp 1247–1254
Elizabeth Sheppard, Dhanya Pillai, Genevieve Tze-Lynn Wong, Danielle Ropar, Peter Mitchell
First Online: 24 November 2015 ... 015-2662-8

- Interaction takes two: Typical adults exhibit mind-blindness towards those with autism spectrum disorder.
Edey, Rosanna Cook, Jennifer Brewer, Rebecca Johnson, Mark H. Bird, Geoffrey Press, Clare
Journal of Abnormal Psychology, 125(7), 879-885.
APA PsycNet

In general, it is easier to empathize with someone similar to oneself than to empathize with someone different.

And, if you happen to be very different from the norm, most people don't have even the slightest need to be patient with you, because they lose nothing by rejecting you -- whereas you need to be beyond ultra-patient with them (or at least with authority figures) in order to be allowed to survive.

That's why we need to build our own community where we can be ourselves and capitalize on our strengths, instead of knocking ourselves out to fit into an unnatural norm and thereby causing ourselves huge amounts of stress, to the point where we can't even exercise what would otherwise be our strengths. See the following threads:

- Autistic-friendly workplaces
- Building the autistic community?, especially my posts here and here.
- Autistic-friendly social skills vs. blending in with NT's

These are longterm goals, alas. In the shorter term, it's helpful to live in a highly multicultural neighborhood, with people from all over the world, rather than a neighborhood dominated by just one or two ethnic groups. In a highly multicultural neighborhood, people tend to be a lot less judgmental about mannerisms and other superficialities.

- Finally diagnosed with ASD in May 2019, after having suspected it for over ten years, and after having deeply explored the autism community for over one year while waiting for and obtaining diagnosis.
- In longterm relationship with boyfriend who was diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome in 2001.
- Long history of participation in various oddball subcultures.
- My "Getting to know each other" thread: Hello from NYC.


Joined: 4 Mar 2017
Age: 35
Gender: Male
Posts: 6,749

12 Jul 2019, 7:27 pm

Both of your examples sound like me

Your post sounds, spot on


Correlation versus causation