Angry(possibly heterosexual) feminists vs. GAY women.

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12 Nov 2011, 11:58 am

I SAID IT.

Please take it with a grain of salt, but if you tell me the former do not make up a sizable portion of the lesbian community, I respectfully disagree.

IMO/E there are a lot of angry, HETEROSEXUAL and also asexual woman who have chosen to become part of the lesbian community for social and political reasons. Some of these women acknowledge that they don't even have sex with their partners.

I'm not here to judge them if they've had experiences in their lives that led them down this path, but it is frustrating.

I have no loyalties to feminism as far as I'm concerned and I'm tired of being overrun by lesbians who often admit that they aren't even sexually attracted to other women. I realize that they may have a deep emotional connection and that there are other reasons one might choose a gay lifestyle, but as some of them are wired to be heterosexual and have the option of living like the the rest of the population, it's a little insulting.

If you are one of these women I apologize(sort of). I don't think what you're doing is wrong, per se, but it's hard to enough to find someone thst you're really into in the already TINY lesbian community and it sucks when some of them don't even want to sleep with you(let ALONE look down on you for viewing another woman in-GASP-a sexual light!).

I have limited experience FWIW and am still pretty closeted. I'm not going to pretend I've been around the lesbian community long enough to know what I'm talking about but you all know that this does exist.

Anyone else find it frustrating?



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12 Nov 2011, 1:27 pm

Hi. I've got a question or two (or twenty, maybe)... Do you 'define' a lesbian at least partially (or maybe, PRIMARILY) on whether that person has sex with at least one other woman? Do you think if a person identifying/being identified as a lesbian DOESN'T/HASN'T had sex with at least one other woman is more accurately labeled a 'feminist'?

I haven't had opportunity to read your postings (besides this one), so I really have basically no idea of your thought patterns and how I might best respond. The questions above are to help me understand you better...not necessarily to challenge you to a point of defensiveness.

Thanx.


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12 Nov 2011, 2:33 pm

Dae wrote:
Hi. I've got a question or two (or twenty, maybe)... Do you 'define' a lesbian at least partially (or maybe, PRIMARILY) on whether that person has sex with at least one other woman? Do you think if a person identifying/being identified as a lesbian DOESN'T/HASN'T had sex with at least one other woman is more accurately labeled a 'feminist'?


I don't think he/she is. A person can know their sexuality without having sex. A person especially rejects sexual advances when it goes against their sexual orientation.

I suppose the thread creator wants an exclusive community of lesbians. Or feels that the term "lesbian" is using too loosely by feminists. I can understand that in a way. When I go to a transgender group, I would prefer to have only transgenders there.



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13 Nov 2011, 1:03 pm

Dae wrote:
Hi. I've got a question or two (or twenty, maybe)... Do you 'define' a lesbian at least partially (or maybe, PRIMARILY) on whether that person has sex with at least one other woman? Do you think if a person identifying/being identified as a lesbian DOESN'T/HASN'T had sex with at least one other woman is more accurately labeled a 'feminist'?

I haven't had opportunity to read your postings (besides this one), so I really have basically no idea of your thought patterns and how I might best respond. The questions above are to help me understand you better...not necessarily to challenge you to a point of defensiveness.

Thanx.


As far as this goes, I call all women in the gay community lesbians(unless they identify with another name) but even the ones who acknowledge that they don't have sex with their partners call themselves lesbians.

So they admit that they aren't homosexual. if they want to call themselves lesbians, I don't care.

But they aren't gay.



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13 Nov 2011, 2:35 pm

Ehm... Nope, sorry. I'm just not following you. Maybe I'll do better after having read some more of your posts. <withdrawing from Thread>


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14 Nov 2011, 2:07 am

Yeah, I've never even remotely heard of this. Maybe you're thinking of women who are asexual but still want romantic relationships with other women? People who are asexual can still want a girlfriend and that's not wrong.

Who specifically told you they felt this way? I mean, I'm basically in Alternative Sexuality Disneyworld right now (women's college, EVERYTHING they say is true and it's great) and I've never run across an example of this. Frankly, I don't think it's true. This legitimately baffles me. Also, a tip from someone 99% out of the closet: it's not the lesbian community. It's the LGBTQ community. Calling it the lesbian community "erases" bisexual and queer people.



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17 Nov 2011, 10:34 am

I agree Expecially. Some women are lesbian for political reasons. I would never be myself, but I respect their choice. I am a feminist. And I am lesbian. And I am butch/femme orientated. Which really confuses the heck out of me, and others! lol
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When did denying oneself and another pleasure and physical intimacy become a good stand for women's politics?
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20 Nov 2011, 7:59 am

All of the lesbians I know say they are pro-women's rights but anti-feminist. Maybe this is because of the bad history between feminists and lesbians: http://sitemaker.umich.edu/lesbian.history/lesbian_feminism



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20 Nov 2011, 6:04 pm

Thank you for posting this! I hear stories of formerly heterosexual women claiming that their sexual orientation was suddenly and conveniently reversed as they became active feminists.

I suspect it's a fairly common thing. There's at least one lesbian site I know of where large numbers of "lesbians" (as much as half the posters) freely admit to preferring men (without women) in their porn over women. Of course it's just porn but it's curious that women who claim no sexual attraction to men would rather look at men than women. They didn't think nothing of it.



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20 Nov 2011, 6:34 pm

How exactly do heteros manage to get in on the lesbian community, when bi women can't? I even like women sexually but can't manage to get into that community :lol:

It's as if they define 'lesbian' by not fancying men, rather than by fancying women.


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21 Nov 2011, 6:05 am

So heterosexual women (who aren't sexually or romantically attracted to women) who claim to be lesbian for political reasons only make up a large part of the lesbian community? This sounds like a bad conspiracy theory to me.



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21 Nov 2011, 3:17 pm

puddingmouse wrote:
How exactly do heteros manage to get in on the lesbian community, when bi women can't? I even like women sexually but can't manage to get into that community :lol:

It's as if they define 'lesbian' by not fancying men, rather than by fancying women.


Yes lol, that's exactly what it's likl, an then we're left with women who don't even want to sleep with WOMEN.

They should just form a seperate group of women who hate men and don't fancy other women.



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21 Nov 2011, 3:25 pm

Indy wrote:
All of the lesbians I know say they are pro-women's rights but anti-feminist. Maybe this is because of the bad history between feminists and lesbians: http://sitemaker.umich.edu/lesbian.history/lesbian_feminism


I didn't look at too much of this but I'm glad to hear it. I can't even believe this is still being denied.



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24 Nov 2011, 12:00 pm

Happens all the time, all over the world I'm sure. Now I'm straight (ish). When I was at 18 at Uni more than 20 years ago I became a 'lesbian' overnight - for political, personal, and experimental reasons. I fell in love with the most beautiful and smart woman on the planet and I loved the sex. She knew I loved her and she knew I loved the sex, but she also figured out for me I wasn't gay enough.

Oh, I dont know. It should just be about harmless exploration of sexuality. People should be more honest, you gotta have some sex and try different stuff out to really know your sexuality havent you? Then again, at 18 I would have forcefully argued I was gay, because I didn't know myself yet. I didn't know I was wearing it.
- Damn though, I still love that woman from 100 years ago.

I know half a dozen women just the same as me. All happily hooked up with men now, all ardent lesbian feminists then. Of my lesbian crowd then I would say 25% were like me, the others hooked up with women for life. It happens and its not fair to judge them cos maybe they don't even know?

Turns out I'm straight and I have my soulmate. So why did you just look in the GLBi section and wtach lesbian porn then pastafarian? :lol: ) :oops:
I guess I'm bi, havent really thought about it much.