I identify a lot with your post. I haven't been personally diagnosed, but my son has. Well, he is JUST like me.
For better or worse, I am self-diagnosed. An online test support my diagnosis of HFA.
I am 39. I spent all of my 20's in a 12 step setting. I would specifically choose less populated settings so that I wouldn't get lost and feel so isolated. I tried, as much as possible, to find things to keep me busy just to justify sticking around longer. I felt comfortable in a setting where I could openly just share what was on my mind without a whole lot of chit chat. I wonder if this is also shared by other aspies?? I identified with the obsessive traits as well. After some time, I would ask "What do you say after you say 'Hello'"? The answer still eludes me...with the exception of "Can I help out in any way?"
I used my marriage as an excuse to shy away from meetings in my 30's. I am now trying to re-connect in a new area and I am struggling just to make myself wander around for 10 minutes. Approaching people inn those circumstances is incredibly difficult.
Thad