Ethical issues

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I don't come here so often, but I pop in from time to time to see what people are talking about. As a result, I make threads even less commonly, but right now I actually have a need for some input.
Lately I've been thinking a lot about the effects of being on antidepressants. The positive side is that it makes sure I don't get depressed (at least not as often and/or severely as I used to), the negative side is that my feelings for other people are essentially neutralized.
I'm still able to determine which people I get along with and which people I don't (which is quite easy, as the people I don't get along with I seem completely unable to have a longer conversation with - even if I try), but trying to determine if I have a crush on someone is completely impossible. It's like everything has... turned into shades of black and white. Kinda.
Hence, my questions revolve around this particular issue.
Is it ethically/morally responsible to be dating or in a relationship with someone if you like them, but never had a crush on them (and likely never will)?
How do you know if you love someone? In the past, I always figured that love was some kind of state that appeared after a crush if two people were still in a relationship even when the crush(es) evaporated. But now that I seemingly can't find it within me to have a crush on anyone, I'm starting to doubt if my assumptions were correct.
What's the point of liking someone if you have to have a crush on them in order to be in a relationship with them?

Maybe I'll update this post with more questions as they appear to me, but those were all the questions at the top of my head right now.

Why are you asking? Is there someone on your radar that you are interested in?

I don't know the answer. When I was on anti-depressants I was in love with someone, they didn't seeem to have that effect on me. I was on prozac, maybe you're on something stronger.

But it's a good question in general. I've seen similar discussed here. Does there need to be romantic feelings before dating?

I think there dose need to be, otherwise it's just two friends hanging out.

The moral issue is, if you don't really love the other person, but they love you, there is the possibility that you may break their heart and will have only been leading them on. They could get hurt .

But then what is love? I feel it as wanting to be around a man as much a I can. Wanting to be near him wanting to hear what he has to say. Wanting to touch him. Wanting to hug him if he looks sad. Worrying about how he feels when he looks stressed. Wanting to be there when he needs someone, even if he doesn't want to talk about his feelings of stress, just being around and making him feel safe. Liking the way he makes me feel good about myself. How he makes me stronger.

Enjoying seeing him move across the room. Enjoying him smiling. Enjoying the way he looks at me. Enjoing spending time together. Feelng like I want to be on his side and defend him if someone criticizes him needlessly. Wanting to do things that make him smile. Just enjoying holding him and never wanting it to end.

Afr0, I've read about that happening to people on SSRI's. Not everyone, but more than a few.

Here's an article about that --> http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles ... -and-ssris

When I was on trials of SSRI's my ability to feel anything at all was reduced to zero, so I had to try a different class. Now, I'm on a tricyclic, and it does not have that "numbing" effect.

Actually, I'm on SNRI.
But from what I can gather by reading the article, they share many of the same sideffects with SSRIs, though to varying degrees.
Maybe I should talk to my doctor about switching to a tricyclic.

It depends on whether or not the other person feels the same way. A lot of people aren't actually all that interested in the person they are dating. They date them though for various reasons, such as not wanting to be alone, validation, or perhaps the fact that they are at least happy with that person and get along with them, and feel they probably will not find a better match.

If you feel she does not interpret the relationship the same way as you do, for example, if you feel she might actually be falling in love with you, then I do believe it's unethical to continue the relationship because then it becomes deceptive and deceitful. If you are in your 60's, 70's, or 80's, perhaps it would be advisable to stay with someone you like and are generally happy with but not necessarily "into" because I think at that point in life, companionship is more important. But you're young and there might be someone out there who will prove to be very special to you.



I believe love is a lot of things. That content state that remains after the initial crush. Putting up with things because they pale in comparison to your positive feelings about the person, etc.

As far as liking someone without having a crush on them, that's generally characteristic of a friendship rather than a romantic relationship.

I know that. But my medications are (seemingly) preventing me from feeling the feelings that would normally be associated with a crush. Therefore I've been wondering if "liking" a person could be a crush, more than anything.
But so far all I've managed is to confuse myself.

if i was on a medicine that i believed inhibited my ability to love, see love, feel love, etc. i would change it ASAP.

I may be wrong, but unless you are severely depressed, then you can get the same results from an anti depressant by VMYAA. You may wish to do the research on the internet yourself. VMYAA??? oh ... that is vigorously moving your ass around. For most people, most of the time, working up a sweat for an hour gets rid of most depression. That and the proper nutrition. Do some research on the internet on the topic.

I have had physicians prescribe chronic medications for me for at least three different "problems", all of which I addressed without using said meds.

Doctors are really not that good at health. But get knowledgeable, and make your own informed decisions. Also, try and be as honest as you can.

I don't know how comfortable u r with this, but I chose to stay away from depressants precisely cos of the stoner effect...thought I'd weather the storms of bipolar rather than sit in this flat, gray sea of mind-numbing boredom. Tegretol - I'll always remember cos I got freaked out that I got a scrip for Tegretol and so did she:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anneliese_Michel

This is also probably very bad advice, but I find candy (or whatever kind of childhood food - not comfort food) makes me happy. Cereal (the kiddy kind like froot loops), oatmeal, OJ in a kiddy plastic cup works too.

So your mood is highly correlated to some foods. I recently read a book called the 4 hour body. It seemed to have a lot of useful information in it that worked for me. I would recommend informing yourself in depth on nutrition, and keeping a careful diary about when and what you eat and how you feel. Start as simply as possible with basics and as few variables as possible. Proteins and fats are best, then add some basic unprocessed carbs and or fruits. Keep track on your feelings in writing. Then see if there is any useful information that comes out of this. You might start with a 1 or 2 day fast.

You said bi-polar. Have you tried lithium?

Everyone seems to think they will know love "when it happens to them," and there's a lot of advice out there on how to "find the one for you," but nobody seems to be able to describe what love actually is.

bell hooks wrote a good book on the subject called "All About Love"

I, for one, believe that if you are in a relationship with someone you do not have a crush on, you stand a much better chance of being able to form a loving, respectful relationship with them.

Why? Good synonyms for "crush" are objectification and infatuation. When you have a crush, you are being obsessed with your imagined image of who that person is. Not who they really are. This leads to a lot of confusion, disrespect and other nastiness. Like being a creepy stalker, or worse.

When you're interested in someone, but haven't "fallen madly in love with them," you have the basis for engaging in a mutually respectful relationship. The beginning of one, not the end. Creating a loving relationship is a lot of work for both parties involved.

How could you "love" a person until you've talked to them enough times to have an inkling of who they really are inside? how could you listen to them and retain anything they're saying if you are swooning with lust and worship while they're talking? Preposterous.

Actually, it is not hard to find autobiographies of people who will tell you that for the it was love at first site, and they have been happily together for 40, 50, 60 years. Some people wind the love lottery. It is rare, and should not be a goal. More often than not, that LAFS is a delusion that ends up with some pain for one or both parties.