Is this normal with aspergers

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Everything I read about Aspergers says that people who have it actually want to have friends and socialize they just don't know how...

I was diagnosed with Aspergers when I was 17 although at first the psychologist wasn't sure where to place me on the spectrum until my mom said that I only see things my way.

I can agree to the fact that I don't know how to socialize but I disagree with the fact that I want to. I have a few friends that I see in real life and a few friends who are only online. I hardly interact with my friends that I actually see. I avoid anything that might mean that I would have to interact with anyone I don't really know. My best friend (in real life) sent me a link about avoidant personality disorder. It sounds just like me!

Is this part of Aspergers or could I possibly have been placed wrongly on the spectrum? Or is it possible to have avoidant personality disorder along with Aspergers.

Most aspies want friends, but probably for different reasons than most people.

Last edited by Ganondox on 22 Nov 2011, 1:21 pm, edited 1 time in total.

My issue is that I don't really want friends. I find people my age (with the exception of a few) to be highly annoying and just...ew? I was picked on a lot growing up to the point where I tend to have what seems like PTSD type reactions to certain things. I seem to get along great with other girls around the age of 13 (which was the age that most of my traumatic experiences of being picked on to an extreme happened) but I feel weird about being a 20 year old hanging out with 13 year olds. I'm lucky enough to have a cousin who is a lot like me who is 13 and her mom understands what I go thru and allows me to hang out with my cousin. but other then that I really don't want friends...

I'm not actually diagnosed but I don't really feel much if any need to socialize in real life. I get enough socializing from posting here. In addition to Asperger's I thought avoidant personality disorder sounded like something I might have but online tests tell me I'm more likely schizoid.

Samara, it is typical of aspies to have friends who are either older or younger than them.

I'm 36, but most people I get along with are in their early 20s or late 40s.

When I was a teen, most of my friends were in their 20s.

Your cousin fills the role of friend.

I probably have a different idea of friendship and communication, connection than NT's and its purpose. I don't want anything that has to do with people these days for a variety of reasons, however, I still feel this deep longing for ... a sense of belonging perhaps. I feel abhorrence of .. anything that has to do with people? Maybe I am just very unfortunate to meet people that I do, I keep telling that to myself. Luckily I knew some people who gave me hope that human contact which I wish for is possible to some extent. But one has to work for it. Anyway - friends are much more important than they seem to be. That's why I don't have any Human contact is essential for a fulfilling life for no one is complete in itself however they insist on it.

There is nothing wrong with needing a far below average amount of socialization.
If people are introverted and happy, they shouldn't feel guilty about it.

I see my family about a few hours, once a week and I have two very close friends that I talk with on the phone once a week. Of course, I post on WP, but other than that and work stuff and I don't socialize.
I never go "out" to socialize and I live alone and I am quite happy and don't feel lonely.

I find it interesting how others enjoy living together and sometimes hang out with people every day.
I also find people-interaction in general to be draining.

The key difference is that persons with Avoidant Personality Disorder want to socialize but feel anxious, shy, and have low self-esteem. The reason this could be a problem is it makes the person very anxious.

Persons with Schizoid Personality Disorder are just extremely introverted. It can be a problem for others because they don't want emotional intimacy.

I guess the real question is: are you happy with the level of social interaction with your life? There is no right or wrong here, even if you are schizoid.

Well some Aspies here seem to have the attitude ''if you're no good at socialising then you should avoid social situations all together''. But I simply don't have that attitude, and I don't think I ever will have. I am a high-functioning Aspie, and I'm too ''normal'' to avoid people, because to avoid people you would have to not work, not ever even try to fit into the social world, and just hide yourself away all the time. And that's no good if you need to work to get money to live on because you don't get hand-outs for being high-functioning with a slight tendancy to have a few conflicts with a few people. Anyway, the only types of people who seem to have to laugh at me are other young girls who cake their faces with make-up and work in high fashion stores and think their s**t doesn't stink. Otherwise, I think people are pretty generous towards me.

I may be shy, and I may have Social Phobia, and I may lack social skills, but I still seem to automatically want to chat to people and make friends. I find chatting fun. I enjoy small talk. I like having friends. I am just a friendly, vocal person. OK I'm not great at socialising, never will be, but I still like getting to know people and chatting and trying to fit in. Having friends just seems important to me. It just must be an NT trait I have.

A good question to ask yourself is, "Have I ever wanted friends?"

Part of what can cause an Aspie not to want to socialize is due to years of trying and failing, then tiring of trying so hard.

I see you're twenty now. Old enough to have possibly given up trying so hard. That's not that uncommon in adult Aspies.

It is pretty common for kids with AS not to have friends, but not so common for them not to want them at all. You can lose that desire if the effort it takes to get there is too overwhelming for too long. After a while, it just becomes resignation.

Same here-I do want to make friends and have meaningful relationships but it is very difficult for me for many reasons-its a tough life with AS sometimes.Thats why its called a spectrum-many different ways of being for us.

Thank could very well be just like I gave up trying to fit in a long time ago!!

Not everyone with AS wishes to have friends. Needing and wanting to have friends but not being able to develop and maintain friendships is an overgeneralization made by NTs and applied to people with AS. Some people with AS do not wish to have friends, some for some of the reasons listed in this thread, some for other reasons such as sensory overload in the presence of other people. Children with AS vary in their wishes to have friends. Some children with AS do not wish to have friends, because they do not know what friends are or what friendship is.

I am not officially diagnosed but whilst I don't like or enjoy socialising in general I do enjoy spending time with people I share a connection or close bond with. I do seek out bonds because I'm a very affectionate big softy (even though to strangers I can seem a bit aloof) and a bit of romantic in some ways, I just don't enjoy socialising just for the sake of socialising and I like a lot time to myself to work on my hobbies etc. That can cause problems with relationships and friendships though, as people tend to want more socialisation than I can actually cope with and they don't really understand my passions (or obsessions as others would call them lol).

Most aspies do want friends but they don't know how to get them or don't even think that if they want friends, go over to their house and ask them to play or join in their playground games. Even if some do do that, they still get it all wrong because they do something wrong and the kids don't like it so the aspie is left in isolation.


I remember seeking out friends as a kid and sometimes my friends didn't like me following them all over the playground. To this day I am still at loss for it but I figure maybe I did it all wrong so my friends didn't like it. It's not what you do, it's how you do it, there should be such a phrase. I would even follow random kids on the playground when I was six and I get told to not follow them. Maybe they just didn't want to be my friend and I didn't get the hint. Today I would just assume they don't want to be my friend or else they wouldn't be telling me to not follow them.


I no longer want friends. I guess because of years of rejection and isolation and I realized if I don't have things in common with my peers, why waste my time with them. I would rather have friends who likes the same things I like and I don't care what age they are just as long as they aren't under 18. But I have no idea how to find them. Internet duh. If there be friendship seeking sites, that be awesome. Just make a profile of yourself and post your hobbies and what kind of friend you want and people message you if they want to meet you and hang out. It wouldn't be a dating site. One online friend I seem to have things in common with is all the way in Ohio. He has AS too.

It was so much easier as a kid to get friends. Now it's hard as an adult.