My take on depression

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There's a HUGE difference between "feeling depressed" every once in a while and suffering from clinical depression.

If you're ever felt depressed for long periods of time (weeks or months at a time) when there is nothing in particular in your life to make you feel that way you probably have some clue what clinical depression is like. Same if you lose interest and can't seem to enjoy things you previously found fun for weeks or months at a time. Same if you start to feel like life has no meaning for you. Same if just getting out of bed in the morning everyday feels like torture for weeks or months on end. Then you'll know what real depression is like. Sometimes it goes on for years and after that amount of time you start feeling like things are truly hopeless. Especially if medications only work a little for you and you realize you might never be as happy or fulfilled in life as other people.

This part I agree with and I think it is why therapy never works for me. I cannot lie to myself about the state of the planet just to give myself the warm fuzzies.

I don't know what my IQ is but I was getting A grades at University last time I was there (this time around I have not completed any assignments yet lol) so I am assuming I am not too low on the IQ scale. I don't really bother with IQ tests for two reasons:

1 I get bored half way through and just write anything down to get to the end of the test

2 I don't really want to reduce my IQ to two or 3 digits on a page, as intelligence is really rather more complex than that for various reasons (which I won't write an essay about here lol).

To add to my problems, I am a divergent thinker and I tend to see things differently to most people, I just don't think in the same way that they do. I am non conformist, not to be difficult, but because I don't often agree with things that other people do. I also cannot accept that the world is just the way it is because that is the way it is and that is the way it has to be. It does not. In many ways we (both as individuals and as a collective) often make things the way they are, so why can 'we' not change them?

I am also highly sensitive, as sensitive as I am bright, both emotionally and physically which means I get over loaded by stimuli rather easily. I also hate to see pain and suffering, I hate injustice, I hate unfairness and above all else I hate when people are not kind to each other. Why do humans enjoy hurting each other so much? What do they get from it? Why is there so much discrimination, so much prejudice. Why are there so many wars and so many people being hurt or killed.

Yet at the same time the world, and some of the people in it, can be strikingly beautiful (and I don't necessarily mean in terms of appearance).

The world can be both beautiful and depressing simultaneously. It's really rather strange lol.

I also have social problems as a result of my particular ways of thinking etc. I know that when I was a child and I saw a psychologist they said that I was very much beyond my years (advanced) intellectually and morally but that I was immature emotionally. I often wonder if that is why I didn't fit in with my peers. I could always talk to adults but could not mix well with children of my own age. I was the same age as them in chronological years but I was not at the same stage of development as they were and this made me different. The problems I had have also continued into adulthood though, even though I thought the differences in developmental stages might have evened out.

This means I often feel very different, and because of that, very lonely. And that is depressing!