Page 2 of 3 [ 33 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2, 3  Next

MrXxx
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 11 May 2010
Age: 60
Gender: Male
Posts: 5,760
Location: New England

04 Dec 2011, 1:08 pm

At what point did calling someone "weird" become acceptable behavior? I've never known of it to be acceptable, by any standard rules of society. Yeah, people do it anyway, but that doesn't automatically make it "acceptable."

I sure as hell don't put up with it from anyone. Close friends who know me very well being the only exceptions only because I know they don't mean anything bad by it.


_________________
I'm not likely to be around much longer. As before when I first signed up here years ago, I'm finding that after a long hiatus, and after only a few days back on here, I'm spending way too much time here again already. So I'm requesting my account be locked, banned or whatever. It's just time. Until then, well, I dunno...


League_Girl
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 Feb 2010
Gender: Female
Posts: 24,633
Location: Pacific Northwest

04 Dec 2011, 2:17 pm

I take weird as a compliment. I call people weird all the time and they don't mind it.



Joe90
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 23 Feb 2010
Gender: Female
Posts: 18,385
Location: Maidstone, UK

04 Dec 2011, 3:22 pm

MrXxx wrote:
At what point did calling someone "weird" become acceptable behavior? I've never known of it to be acceptable, by any standard rules of society. Yeah, people do it anyway, but that doesn't automatically make it "acceptable."

I sure as hell don't put up with it from anyone. Close friends who know me very well being the only exceptions only because I know they don't mean anything bad by it.


I never did say it is acceptable. It's just that, from what I've learnt here, NTs are always in the right and Aspies are always in the wrong, no matter what circumstances. So what I'm saying is, I've always been told to never go upto somebody and insult them to their face, but somehow this rule doesn't apply to NTs when they turn round to an Aspie and say, ''you're weird!''

And whether you like being called weird or not is not the point. It's the principle here that counts. To NTs, being called ''weird'' to your face is damaging to a person's self-esteem, and they know that, so I would have thought NTs would know better not to say ''you're weird'' to somebody's face, because most NTs wouldn't like being called names like that.


_________________
Female
Aged 30
On antidepressants
Diagnosed with AS, ADHD and anxiety disorder


Last edited by Joe90 on 05 Dec 2011, 12:33 pm, edited 1 time in total.

aussiebloke
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 14 Oct 2009
Age: 44
Gender: Male
Posts: 6,407

04 Dec 2011, 8:29 pm

I think it's weird when you go to the supermarket and people buy one head of lettuce and 5 apples and that lasts them and their family all week.



Though as a vegan I would say that I was at my local fruit shop recently and the owner said that's a lot of fruit and veg and I said yes should last me and my Mom about a week, he said you must be veg no vegan in fact, and here I thought vegos (thank you MLA) where meant to be unhealthy .

Unbelievable.


_________________
Theirs a subset of America, adult males who are forgoing ambition ,sex , money ,love ,adventure to sit in a darkened rooms mastering video games - Suicide Bob


SyphonFilter
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 7 Feb 2011
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,116
Location: The intersection of Inkopolis’ Plaza & Square where the Turf Wars lie.

04 Dec 2011, 11:15 pm

It's that way because social rules are stupid and screwed up. Because to NT's being called "fat" is way more offensive than being called "weird". How many NT's are "weird NT's", anyway? People say they have empathy... except when it comes to "invisible" disorders. To many uninformed NT's all Asperger Syndrome is is another fad diagnosis. Like ADHD.



TheSunAlsoRises
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 1 Dec 2011
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,039

04 Dec 2011, 11:59 pm

Joe90 wrote:
How come NTs are allowed to call us weird to our face but we're always told it's socially inappropriate to give our honest opinion to anyone else?


The answer lies in your question. Autistics are told it's 'socially inappropriate to give an honest opinion in certain situations' because it could hurt someones feelings or/and get them hurt. Your behavior is tied to your condition so you need to be cognizant of what you say. Simply put, a restriction has been placed upon you to conform . Generally, NTs are simply told' it's not nice' to say certain things. Therefore, they have no such restriction placed upon them. Basically, it implies that NT's know what they can get away with( it's not nice BUT you can say IT), and Autistics are socially unaware(it's socially inappropriate to give an honest opinion in certain situations so keep your mouth closed). The end result is THAT sometimes NT's intentionally or unintentionally take advantage of this. BUT, advice is given this way in order to protect a person with Autism from offending the wrong person.

*Just my humble opinion.

TheSunAlsoRises



Fern
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 May 2011
Age: 34
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,122

05 Dec 2011, 12:18 am

Joe90 wrote:
How come NTs are allowed to call us weird to our face but we're always told it's socially inappropriate to give our honest opinion to anyone else?


Maymac wrote:
Because they're choosing to be rude. You can do the same and tell them to get stuffed.

THIS! :twisted:

5th grade classmate: "Hey freak!"
me: "Hey sheep!"

customer at work: "Your eyes look funny"
me: "You mom looks funny"
(she totally tried to tip me after that too =_=)



pensieve
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 18 Nov 2008
Age: 34
Gender: Female
Posts: 8,204
Location: Sydney, Australia

05 Dec 2011, 12:27 am

League_Girl wrote:
Joe90 wrote:
How come NTs are allowed to call us weird to our face but we're always told it's socially inappropriate to give our honest opinion to anyone else?



Are those the same NTs that tell you it's inappropriate and then those same NTs turn around and call the aspies weird?


I see hypocrisy all the time but is it? One example be I am on Babycenter and I see women bullying other women, then I come to a thread about bullying and women there are saying how wrong it is and stuff. Question I have to ask myself, all these women who are against bullying, are these the same women that go bullying others on the site?

So with NTs that tell you it's inappropriate to give our honest opinions to anyone, are they the same people that call us weird?

When I think this way, there is no hypocrisy because it's about individuals, not a whole group. I would have to keep track of what person does what and then see if they contradict what they say but I am too lazy to do that. I could go on babycenter and write down each username that I see who was doing bullying there just to see if I will ever see them say how bullying is wrong or jump down someone's back about them bullying. So that way if I ever seen someone speak against bullies, I could look on my list of usernames who have bullied on there before to see if their name is on there and if it is, they're hypocrites.



Besides what's wrong with weird? It's a compliment.


This is true. Sometimes it's difficult to remember not all NT's will treat you like this when a lot of individuals treat you that way. I live in a art/jazz house and we're all weird here. I should rename it the undiagnosed ADHD/Asperger house. One part is spontaneous and disorganised, the other is quiet, into their interests and often forgets to do the laundry because they are preoccupied.
And most of our visitors are called 'genius musicians with 25353 diagnoses to their name.'
Should also nickname: The House Where Everyone is Constantly on Recreational Drugs...except for me.


_________________
My band photography blog - http://lostthroughthelens.wordpress.com/
My personal blog - http://helptheywantmetosocialise.wordpress.com/


Verdandi
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 7 Dec 2010
Age: 51
Gender: Female
Posts: 12,275
Location: University of California Sunnydale (fictional location - Real location Olympia, WA)

05 Dec 2011, 12:59 am

Joe90 wrote:
Well I get this feeling that most Aspies in this world have been called ''weird'' before in their lives.

But if I went upto a fat person and intentionally said, ''you're fat - lose some weight!'', they would be very hurt, so I would never, ever say it. It's the same thing with this - I don't know why NTs have come upto us and called us weird when they know it would hurt our feelings. This is where I don't see how NTs don't lack empathy.....


I think that NT empathy often means "assumes most other people are mostly like them." When people differ from that expectation, you can expect empathy to vanish. Which means it was never really empathy at all, because they can only put themselves in someone else's shoes if that someone else is like them.



Last edited by Verdandi on 05 Dec 2011, 2:05 pm, edited 1 time in total.

pensieve
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 18 Nov 2008
Age: 34
Gender: Female
Posts: 8,204
Location: Sydney, Australia

05 Dec 2011, 1:13 am

League_Girl wrote:
I take weird as a compliment. I call people weird all the time and they don't mind it.

I think it matters when they're being called weird about their behaviour. I don't mind being called weird if I expect it but when someone catches me off guard or it's about something I'm insecure about already, that's when it hurts.

I know I'm weird and I have no problem with it.


_________________
My band photography blog - http://lostthroughthelens.wordpress.com/
My personal blog - http://helptheywantmetosocialise.wordpress.com/


Joe90
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 23 Feb 2010
Gender: Female
Posts: 18,385
Location: Maidstone, UK

05 Dec 2011, 12:43 pm

Verdandi wrote:
Joe90 wrote:
League_Girl wrote:
Well I get this feeling that most Aspies in this world have been called ''weird'' before in their lives.

But if I went upto a fat person and intentionally said, ''you're fat - lose some weight!'', they would be very hurt, so I would never, ever say it. It's the same thing with this - I don't know why NTs have come upto us and called us weird when they know it would hurt our feelings. This is where I don't see how NTs don't lack empathy.....


I think that NT empathy often means "assumes most other people are mostly like them." When people differ from that expectation, you can expect empathy to vanish. Which means it was never really empathy at all, because they can only put themselves in someone else's shoes if that someone else is like them.


Yer, but that's the same with Aspies. We also find it hard to put ourselves in other people's shoes who isn't like us. So really it is just common human behaviour, so I don't understand why it's put down on the Autistic/ADHD criteria and clasified as a unique trait. Ohhh, I am sooo confused!! !! !! !! !! !! !! !


_________________
Female
Aged 30
On antidepressants
Diagnosed with AS, ADHD and anxiety disorder


MrXxx
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 11 May 2010
Age: 60
Gender: Male
Posts: 5,760
Location: New England

05 Dec 2011, 1:08 pm

Joe90 wrote:
MrXxx wrote:
At what point did calling someone "weird" become acceptable behavior? I've never known of it to be acceptable, by any standard rules of society. Yeah, people do it anyway, but that doesn't automatically make it "acceptable."

I sure as hell don't put up with it from anyone. Close friends who know me very well being the only exceptions only because I know they don't mean anything bad by it.


I never did say it is acceptable. It's just that, from what I've learnt here, NTs are always in the right and Aspies are always in the wrong, no matter what circumstances. So what I'm saying is, I've always been told to never go upto somebody and insult them to their face, but somehow this rule doesn't apply to NTs when they turn round to an Aspie and say, ''you're weird!''

And whether you like being called weird or not is not the point. It's the principle here that counts. To NTs, being called ''weird'' to your face is damaging to a person's self-esteem, and they know that, so I would have thought NTs would know better not to say ''you're weird'' to somebody's face, because most NTs wouldn't like being called names like that.


I know. And I understand what you meant. I'm really just saying that even though I've seen the same things you have, I don't accept it. If I have to follow the rules, so do they.

In other words, I reject the reality of what's happening around me in terms of the APPEARANCE of "acceptability" and substitute the reality of what I've been TAUGHT all of my life is acceptable behavior, mostly by NT's themselves.

NT's who behave like that are breaking NT social rules, and I refuse to accept that. The real message I'm trying to get through is that you shouldn't have to accept it either. So don't.


_________________
I'm not likely to be around much longer. As before when I first signed up here years ago, I'm finding that after a long hiatus, and after only a few days back on here, I'm spending way too much time here again already. So I'm requesting my account be locked, banned or whatever. It's just time. Until then, well, I dunno...


monstermunch
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

User avatar

Joined: 9 May 2011
Gender: Female
Posts: 163

05 Dec 2011, 2:02 pm

Just because neurotypicals do it, doesn't mean it's acceptable. Don't put yourself down by thinking another person can be bad and you can't. When a neurotypical comes up to you and says you're weird, they are being nasty.

Its quite normal to be called these sorts of names at school, because children, even teenagers, are still socially immature and so haven't quite learnt yet which is socially acceptable and which is not. When I was at school, I had a really fat girl in my class, other kids used to call her fat all the time, and she used to get upset a lot but then she seemed to have grew a thick skin and really did not care, and so they all stopped calling her names about her size.

When you get into adulthood, you won't be called these names so much, and the only people who will are probably pretty nasty people, who are breaking the social rules. So, remember, neurotypicals aren't social experts. So the next time you see a social rule broken, don't think 'oh just because a neurotypical said it, it must be right.'

People are all different.



Verdandi
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 7 Dec 2010
Age: 51
Gender: Female
Posts: 12,275
Location: University of California Sunnydale (fictional location - Real location Olympia, WA)

05 Dec 2011, 2:07 pm

Joe90 wrote:
Yer, but that's the same with Aspies. We also find it hard to put ourselves in other people's shoes who isn't like us. So really it is just common human behaviour, so I don't understand why it's put down on the Autistic/ADHD criteria and clasified as a unique trait. Ohhh, I am sooo confused!! !! !! !! !! !! !! !


It's a good question, innit?



SylviaLynn
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 9 Feb 2008
Age: 63
Gender: Female
Posts: 534
Location: Albuquerque, NM

05 Dec 2011, 2:21 pm

The idea that NT's can put themselves into another persons perspective is ...bs. Empathy? Yeah right. I'm confused about that one too. TOM seems to be some construct that children with autism don't get that people don't know what they know. That's all. My daughter frequently shows this. It's a delay. Eventually she'll get more developed in TOM probably. I'm really confused on empathy, because I know darned well that people don't really have a clue what someone else is feeling. There is the nonverbal component of language that is 70% of communication, but words so frequently don't match the nonverbal communication anyway that the words are next to useless. Then if I respond to vibes instead of words, they don't want to admit it. And then there's the honesty part. My dil's father is dying miserably. It will be a blessing when he's gone. Everyone, including her knows it. Is it ok to say it? Oh, say to commiserate that he's still here? No. of course not.


_________________
Aspie 176/200 NT 34/200 Very likely an Aspie
AQ 41
Not diagnosed, but the shoe fits
10 yo dd on the spectrum


MrXxx
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 11 May 2010
Age: 60
Gender: Male
Posts: 5,760
Location: New England

05 Dec 2011, 7:40 pm

SylviaLynn wrote:
The idea that NT's can put themselves into another persons perspective is ...bs. Empathy? Yeah right. I'm confused about that one too. TOM seems to be some construct that children with autism don't get that people don't know what they know. That's all. My daughter frequently shows this. It's a delay. Eventually she'll get more developed in TOM probably. I'm really confused on empathy, because I know darned well that people don't really have a clue what someone else is feeling. There is the nonverbal component of language that is 70% of communication, but words so frequently don't match the nonverbal communication anyway that the words are next to useless. Then if I respond to vibes instead of words, they don't want to admit it. And then there's the honesty part. My dil's father is dying miserably. It will be a blessing when he's gone. Everyone, including her knows it. Is it ok to say it? Oh, say to commiserate that he's still here? No. of course not.


8O 8O 8O 8O 8O 8O

Holy s**t! I believe we've got an NT here who GETS it!! !! !!

You know what really bugs the hell out of me about the whole empathy thing? The systems in place to supposedly help us learn it, and the ToM stuff are literally filled with people who never exercise ToM in our direction!! !! !!"


_________________
I'm not likely to be around much longer. As before when I first signed up here years ago, I'm finding that after a long hiatus, and after only a few days back on here, I'm spending way too much time here again already. So I'm requesting my account be locked, banned or whatever. It's just time. Until then, well, I dunno...